The Town

I hate myself for the words I am about to type, but Ben Affleck might have finally proven himself to be a good actor. I'm ashamed to admit I even found him attractive for the first time ever. Considering all the other crap he's been in, it wouldn't be hard to beat his past performances (anything with Matt Damon not included), but this film was genuinely good. In fact, I've been thinking about it all day. Unfortunately, this is in part, slash majorly due to the fact that I have written a much better alternate ending. Whilst discussing with a close and very distinguished friend, we have decided that Ben Affleck should be informed that the ending of his movie is, for want of a better word, gay.

The plot of the film is genius, although it was based on a book, so no credit for Affleck there. The direction, the camera work and the performances were all fantastic though, so brava Ben. Even Blake Lively was good! I have made my feelings towards Blake Lively perfectly clear here before, and they have not changed, at all. Her role was completely and utterly pointless. Totally. Fair play to her for fighting her arse off for the part (apparently she got on the train to Boston (shock, horror, gasp!) and managed to convince Ben Affleck that she was actually from Boston and got the role, despite him refusing to even see her for the part) but still, even if they'd given it to a genuine 30 year old crack whore, the role was completely and utterly futile, to the point of frustration. My only explanation for them even putting it into the film in the first place was that, initially, she was in more scenes and they got cut down in editing, probably to make room for the worst ending ever. Yes I get that she is there to help establish Ben Affleck's past, and the relationship between him and Jeremy Renner but still. On reflection, Blake Lively's performance wasn't as good as I thought it was, with her stand out line being, "I'm goin wit choo," in the most unconvincing of accents ever. But she didn't annoy me as much as she does in everyday life so I shall move on...

If all two of you don't want to know the ending, please don't read on because I have every intention of ruining it and ripping it to shreads.

So Ben Affleck is a bank robber of sorts that robs banks for this guy with his mates and they're really good at it. When they rob the first bank, they end up taking Rebecca Hall hostage because she sounds the alarm and they want to scare her into not talking to the FBI because Jon Hamm (FBI agent extraordinaire) has been after them for a while. So after they let her go, Jeremy Renner's all like "we need to watch her", but he's been on a bit of a killing rampage so Ben Affleck decides to keep an eye on her himself, only to fall madly in love with her. At this point she doesn't know it's him that robbed her so it's not that weird. But then they start to get worse at robbing banks and Jon Hamm catches up with them. Ultimately, they get caught, they all get shot, except Ben Affleck who manages to escape, but has to give up on his dream of being with Rebecca Hall. Tragic. He's like the most loveable, adorable bank robber ever. I love films where you route for the criminals! But the ending is just awful.

After declaring all the way through the film that he's never killed anyone, he kills the big boss man and his assistant (which I really didn't want him to do because he really didn't want to do it, but they deserved it). That itself was disappointing. Then he calls Rebecca Hall who has been 'cooperating' with Jon Hamm, and I use that term lightly because once she realises that Ben Affleck is a wanted criminal, she tries to lie to them to protect him. When she receives the call, the FBI are there with her, anticipating it. Ben Affleck can see all of this from his prime observation spot across the street. The FBI are telling her to make him come to the apartment so they can catch him in a pretty pathetic trap. Of course, she doesn't want this to happen, and even though he already knows that he's not going to turn up, as they say their cryptic farewells on the phone, Rebecca Hall manages to sneakily tip him off as to what's going on with a nice smirk. But, as we all know, Jon Hamm is a freakin genius, and so figures it out. Sadly for him, by then, Ben Affleck's already on the train to Florida and there we see him staring over a lake in his new home whilst he provides the voiceover to a rubbish letter he has written for Rebecca Hall. After all the action, it was nothing short of a let down.

This is how it should have gone: He should have called Rebecca Hall as per usual, and whilst she was delivering her cryptic message, her knowing smile should have been the cue for Affleck to smile himself, put down the phone, walk out of shot, and the credits to role, with some sort of action movie score in the background. Think Bourne Ultimatum, I mean, has he learnt nothing from Matt Damon. Much more of a cliffhanger, much more interesting, not so completely dull and pointless it ruins the whole film.

Apart from the worst ever explanation of a film, I think I have provided evidence enough that Ben Affleck should demand for the film to be re-edited and then re-released with the much better ending and then everyone will be happy. The word Oscar might even get thrown around... HA! No, not really, it wasn't that good Ben, but a valiant effort. Congrats.


Slash, just a quick thought on last night's X Factor. If Cher gets through it's a disgrace, she didn't sing, it's not fair, she gave up, she has to deal with it. That Katie girl is so false it makes me want to smash up the TV - IT'S ALL LIES! SHE'S A FAKE! UUURRRGGGHHH! And the Justin Bieber boyband, for whom I predicted great success, proved themselves to be just as fantastic as I thought. They'll get through. I bet Simon's got Bieber himself on speed dial already for the final.