X Factor is a physical beast. I freakin' love it. OK, so half the people I hate got through to Judge's Houses, but so did all the people I did like, of course I know none of their names. The man with the hat, the scouse one, the man-band and of course, Justin Bieber. You may know Justin Bieber as that annoying one that auditioned 2 years ago and made it through to Simon's house, but messed it up major by singing Take That and forgeting the words or something. For one, no one should ever attempt to sing Take That unless your name is Gary Barlow, and two, he was about 3 at the time and not even cute or endearing in anyway. Now, Liam Payne is back as Justin Bieber. I feel as though someone should tell him that Stars in their Eyes ended before he was born and that this is a competition to 'find talent'. Slash, make Simon Cowell shit loads of cash. But I love him! I can't even rememeber if he is any good, all I can see when I look at him is Bieber, and I love Bieber. So when Justin Bieber failed to get through, which was obvious when Lewis Hamilton's girlfriend was like 'Simon, we should totes switch up the categories' and Simon was all like, 'Yeah, that'll make people watch', I was dev-patelled. But I should have known! I feel a failure for not even attempting to think ahead and predict that Simon would, as he does every single year, get all the semi-good ones back and make them into bands that will never ever ever work. And so was born the Justin Bieber Boyband.
The Justin Bieber Boyband are going to be absolutely genius. They're all about 12 and not half as talented as the Bieber himself. There is a reason people haven't pelted that child to the ground with stones, and that is because however much you may want to hurt him, he's just too darn good. These kids aren't. If Simon makes them sing anything from High School Musical I will cry. Actually shed tears of disappointment. But everyone will love it. But, as was pointed out to me today, that Zain or whatever his name is, refused outright to take part in the dance task at Boot Camp. The Justin Bieber Boyband will dance. They will have to, and if he ruins my plan for them to make it all the way through to the final, just so Simon can ring the Biebs and get them to perform with him, then I will hunt him down. That is assuming that Bieber Fever will still be rife by Christmas (which it will, as long as there are teenage girls and weirdos like me). I can see it now, they're going to be as annoying as Jedward or as shit as those kids who thought they were Westlife on the last Britain's Got Talent. I think I'd love it if they were awful just as much as I'd enjoy seeing them with Justin Bieber. I also can't wait to see what God awful name they'll come up with. Something as cliched and cheesy as possible.
Ultimately, they stand absolutely no chance whatsoever. It was almost cruel to put them through.
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