I don't quite know how to say this without being severely judged for the rest of eternity. I don't know whether it's because I'm tired, whether it's because One Tree Hill is now a distant memory of crappy TV past, or whether I have ODed on leftover Easter chocolate, but I'm actually enjoying 90210...
Now, here's why I'm worried. After catching up on the last 2 episodes which saw Dixon become bezzies with Snoop Dogg, the guys take Teddy to a gay bar to cheer him up, Adrianna send a naked photo of Silver to everyone at school, Naomi dress up as an Avatar and Annie get the better of someone, I should have slit my wrists over my computer screen and written a farewell message to my mother in my own blood. Instead, I'm actually excited about the next episode. What, in the name of Justin Drew Bieber, is wrong with me? I'm being serious. There must be some medical condition behind this bout of insanity. Christ, I hope it's temporary. I mean, Liam hasn't taken his shirt off for weeks.
So, even though Annie makes me want to scratch my skin off with blunt scissors, I actually prefer her to Emily. This is what first aroused suspicion in my mind. I mean, anyone wanting to destroy the life of the most irritating character would surely be celebrated. False. Unfortunately, I think the only reason I hated her more was because of her hair and her voice. So if they'd just cast someone else, I wouldn't be in the mess I currently find myself in. Or if the actress they chose (if you could really call her an actress - she was abysmal) had just spoken a tiny bit lower and worn a wig, all my problems would have been solved. Alas! But I'm glad she's gone, even if they did catch her out in the most pathetic of ways. A bit of drama wouldn't have gone amiss. I do enjoy that all Annie's friends believed Emily and thought she was being a bitch though. That's loyalty for you. It was pretty obvious that Emily was a Liam Payne in the arse. And I'm still not quite sure why she was so intent upon ruining Annie's life. Did we ever get a reason? No...? Just another pointless storyline then. Should have guessed.
Naomi has clearly never watched Desperate Housewives, because if she had, she'd realise that the dwarf of a 'nerd' she's going after is actually a psychotic killer with greasy hair. And also, he's not attractive in anyway. And if dressing up like an Avatar shows that a person is really selfless and caring, then I'm not the only person in the world to have completely lost my mind.
Dear Snoop Dogg,
I expected this nonsense from Nelly, but you!? I hope you are deeply ashamed of yourself.
Alice. x
Why are they trying to make out like Dixon is some sort of social whizz? He's an idiot and he gets on people's nerves. He couldn't pay me to do something for him, let alone convince me with his 'quick wit'. Just terrible. And as if Snoop Dogg just invites strangers into his car and drives them around! Let alone strangers that insist upon rapping his songs in thee most socially awkward and embarrassing attempt to impress. Come on, Snoop! Don't let this show dent your rep. You've got your own show to do that! God, I miss Snoop Dogg's Fatherhood...
Silver is an idiot. Adrianna needs to be kicked repeatedly in the face until her eye sockets swell causing her eye balls explode inside her head. Let's be realistic. Why does she still have friends? How could any one of those idiotic people still be her friend? They all hate her. What's even more tragic is that she thinks she's going to have a genuine music career in real life. Oh, bless her. It actually makes me quite sad. And sending a naked photo of Silver around? Good one...
So now Ivy's well into weed, her boyfriend of about 3 seconds is dying of cancer. Tragic. I actually like him. Raj? Raj. His name is Raj. Or it will be from henceforth. I enjoy that he has literally been in 2 episodes and he's already got a terminal disease. Well, I don't enjoy it because it would be tragic if it were real, but I enjoy the 90210ness of the whole situation. I bet Ivy becomes a model student now. Or, he'll die unexpectedly in 2 episodes time and she'll go schiz! Or he'll just leave in a really underwhelming fashion. He'll leave in a really underwhelming fashion, won't he? Bastard 90210.
Maybe I'm not enjoying it as much as I thought... And why does Mr Matthews only show up in every 4th episode with no purpose or reason to exist? Yeah, maybe hold off on the loony bin, I'm beginning to see the light.
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Monday, 25 April 2011
The Return of the Jedi
Hello there. How are you?
I understand that the title of this post may be most misleading. No, I shall not be ripping into Return of the Jedi, I was referring to my return to the world of 'blogging' - not that you could really call what I do 'blogging'; it's more ranting about unimportant things to no one in a public and highly embarrassing forum.
But alas. My absence stemmed from seeing Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D and being physically unable to write something that wasn't 'OMG! It waz amazin! I luv JB!' or something equally as chavvy and grammatically incorrect. Therefore I decided not to comment, although, I feel enough time has passed to say in all seriousness that it was amazing, surprisingly emotional and actually very inspiring. But that is it. The moment I start thinking about his grandad, this post goes to pot. Let's move on, quickly...
My absence was then extended by the realisation that no one actually cares what I have to say, and the fact that television has been so tediously dull, I couldn't actually find anything to say, even if people did care. I mean, Gossip Girl has been the same every episode. So has 90210. The Only Way Is Essex is even worse than last series, but again, there is nothing new to say. Don't even mention Glee. I'm going to start a petition to get E4 to show One Tree Hill as soon as it's shown in America. As torturous as watching it is, its genius provides many a topic for discussion. But I refuse to watch it online - it's not worth going that far.
However, 'William & Kate: The Movie' has given me inspiration worthy of One Tree Hill. In fact, I'm almost certain it was probably written by the same people. After briefly working on the DVD release as part of a spell of work experience, I felt as though I knew the film before I'd even seen it. Which, I suppose technically I did - I had read the script. Which took about 5 minutes despite it's length. That's how terrible it was. They should have gotten Sorkin on it. What's tragic is that they probably did try to get him. They were obviously deluded enough to think making it would be a good idea, I think they were probably in a mind space that suggested to them that Aaron Sorkin would love to be a part of such televisual history.
In fact, it has made history. As the most repellent piece of audiovisual material in the world. Don't get me wrong, it was freakin brilliant, but brilliant in the way that Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott can go from touring the world to organising the local school dance in the same day.
I enjoy that Kate has a slight American accent despite being played by an English actress who has lived in LA for about 3 days. I enjoy that Prince Charles has been made into a comedy character who is quite willing to admit never loving Diana to his own son. I enjoy the use of green screen to give the illusion of far off lands (particularly Africa). I enjoy the terrible use of photoshop. But most of all, I enjoy that Angus from Neighbours plays William's 'best friend'.
Angus from Neighbours. Do we all remember him? No? Let me refresh your memory. Angus met a girl called Rachel in a club. They got together. They 'fell in love'. About three days later, Rachel goes to school (she is a student after all) only to run into Angus. HE THE NEW TEACHER! So they dated secretly for a while, he went to jail, she kept going to visit him, Susan Kennedy begged him to stay away from her step daughter, he couldn't, he left, he came back, they got together again, they decided to run away. Rachel then decided that she didn't want to, so he let her out the car and drove away into the distance. Turns out he drove all the way to LA to land the role of Ian Musgrave. Wow. The only way really is up.
Luckily for Channel 5, I had Sky+ed this nonsense, meaning that I could fast forward the adverts. Had this not been the case, I would have switched over in the first break. I wonder how many people did that? Lots I'm guessing. It was just so grossly inaccurate. Not that I would be able to give you an accurate account of their relationship, but I am certain that almost none of what was portrayed in the 'movie' is true. God, I hope none of it is true. Otherwise I've just lost any respect I had for Prince William. Oh God, poor Harry. I hope the palace sues the production company. Jesus - why was Harry so disgustingly hideous and why was he so Northern? I get that he had 2 lines, but Christ - so ugly, so Northern. Apologies for all the Jesus references - Easter has clearly gotten to me.
OH MY GOD! KATE'S DAD WAS IN THE OC! The man who played Kate's dad played Holly's dad in The OC. He was the one who punched Jimmy Cooper at Cotillion. That's it. What else is there left to say? Nothing. There is nothing left to say.
BRILLIANT.
It's good to be back.
I understand that the title of this post may be most misleading. No, I shall not be ripping into Return of the Jedi, I was referring to my return to the world of 'blogging' - not that you could really call what I do 'blogging'; it's more ranting about unimportant things to no one in a public and highly embarrassing forum.
But alas. My absence stemmed from seeing Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D and being physically unable to write something that wasn't 'OMG! It waz amazin! I luv JB!' or something equally as chavvy and grammatically incorrect. Therefore I decided not to comment, although, I feel enough time has passed to say in all seriousness that it was amazing, surprisingly emotional and actually very inspiring. But that is it. The moment I start thinking about his grandad, this post goes to pot. Let's move on, quickly...
My absence was then extended by the realisation that no one actually cares what I have to say, and the fact that television has been so tediously dull, I couldn't actually find anything to say, even if people did care. I mean, Gossip Girl has been the same every episode. So has 90210. The Only Way Is Essex is even worse than last series, but again, there is nothing new to say. Don't even mention Glee. I'm going to start a petition to get E4 to show One Tree Hill as soon as it's shown in America. As torturous as watching it is, its genius provides many a topic for discussion. But I refuse to watch it online - it's not worth going that far.
However, 'William & Kate: The Movie' has given me inspiration worthy of One Tree Hill. In fact, I'm almost certain it was probably written by the same people. After briefly working on the DVD release as part of a spell of work experience, I felt as though I knew the film before I'd even seen it. Which, I suppose technically I did - I had read the script. Which took about 5 minutes despite it's length. That's how terrible it was. They should have gotten Sorkin on it. What's tragic is that they probably did try to get him. They were obviously deluded enough to think making it would be a good idea, I think they were probably in a mind space that suggested to them that Aaron Sorkin would love to be a part of such televisual history.
In fact, it has made history. As the most repellent piece of audiovisual material in the world. Don't get me wrong, it was freakin brilliant, but brilliant in the way that Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott can go from touring the world to organising the local school dance in the same day.
I enjoy that Kate has a slight American accent despite being played by an English actress who has lived in LA for about 3 days. I enjoy that Prince Charles has been made into a comedy character who is quite willing to admit never loving Diana to his own son. I enjoy the use of green screen to give the illusion of far off lands (particularly Africa). I enjoy the terrible use of photoshop. But most of all, I enjoy that Angus from Neighbours plays William's 'best friend'.
Angus from Neighbours. Do we all remember him? No? Let me refresh your memory. Angus met a girl called Rachel in a club. They got together. They 'fell in love'. About three days later, Rachel goes to school (she is a student after all) only to run into Angus. HE THE NEW TEACHER! So they dated secretly for a while, he went to jail, she kept going to visit him, Susan Kennedy begged him to stay away from her step daughter, he couldn't, he left, he came back, they got together again, they decided to run away. Rachel then decided that she didn't want to, so he let her out the car and drove away into the distance. Turns out he drove all the way to LA to land the role of Ian Musgrave. Wow. The only way really is up.
Luckily for Channel 5, I had Sky+ed this nonsense, meaning that I could fast forward the adverts. Had this not been the case, I would have switched over in the first break. I wonder how many people did that? Lots I'm guessing. It was just so grossly inaccurate. Not that I would be able to give you an accurate account of their relationship, but I am certain that almost none of what was portrayed in the 'movie' is true. God, I hope none of it is true. Otherwise I've just lost any respect I had for Prince William. Oh God, poor Harry. I hope the palace sues the production company. Jesus - why was Harry so disgustingly hideous and why was he so Northern? I get that he had 2 lines, but Christ - so ugly, so Northern. Apologies for all the Jesus references - Easter has clearly gotten to me.
OH MY GOD! KATE'S DAD WAS IN THE OC! The man who played Kate's dad played Holly's dad in The OC. He was the one who punched Jimmy Cooper at Cotillion. That's it. What else is there left to say? Nothing. There is nothing left to say.
BRILLIANT.
It's good to be back.
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