Justin. Bieber. Boyband. I love them. Officially, truly, wholly love them. X Factor last night was the best I have ever seen it, ever. I don't even know why it was so good. It was just amazing! Now, so much happened and there are so many contestants, most of which I cannot remember, that I am going to attempt to comment on each in order.
I couldn't even remember who went first, but I am informed by the trusty X Factor website, that it was F.Y.D: They were OK. I don't really have much to say about them, except that one of them was singing was off. The one who was doing the really high part. Not good. And the one with the earring needs to get over himself ASAP. I like that they can dance though, you can't be in a boyband if you can't dance.
Matt in the Hat: I. love. him. He was amazing. A bit shaky at first, but he got there. He has the most amazing voice! Song was a bit strange, I think they were hoping for some kind of Coldplay vibe, and by the end it was good, but I felt he struggled a bit. Also, I thought that the whole point of the 'makeover' was to alter their image slightly, and in all the promos he is hatless, so I was greatly surprised that the hat returned for the first live show. The same hat, not even a different one, and it totally didn't go!
Careworker, 29: Andy Abraham has returned to X Factor in disguise in an attempt at fame once more. I can't even remember this man's name. Seriously. All, I remember about him is that he is a careworker, and he is 29. He was so forgettable. The only reason I remember him is because he looks like Andy Abraham, and that is not a good thing.
Rebecca Ferguson: She's so nice, she looked so good and she sang it really well. I'm going to throw it out there, she was a tad boring. Don't hate me. But she is. I think she'll go far though, she deserves to.
How boring were the first four?! Maybe it wasn't as good as I thought it was... No way, it was amazing.
Belle Amie: The one that did the rappy part is really good. Very pretty. But the others are so freakin average. They even said it themselves, girl bands never do well, and there is a reason for that. They're never any good. They're never going to win. They'll probably get to about week 4 and then never be seen again.
Right, I have completely and totally forgotten the order, so I'll just slag them off as I remember them.
Storm Lee: Dear Louis Walsh, you are an idiot of the highest order, Love Alice. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Poor, poor, poor Storm Lee. Correct, he is a total moron who genuinely believes himself to be some sort of international rock god, which is so painfully far from the truth. I feel so sorry for him, because he has a great voice, but the silver pants, the red hair, and OH GOD! The make-up! Oh my God. Just awful. And why were all his dancers dressed as He Who Must Not Be Named? My only possible explanation is that the Dark Lord has infiltrated X Factor through his newest Death Eater, Storm Lee. Let's just hope he wins so there's no wizarding war.
Cher Freakin' Lloyd: Has anyone, in the history of the world, ever been so annoying? Her attitude makes me want to beat her face with stones until she pleads for mercy. She was actually very good, but that permanent scowl on her face is just asking for a slap. My favourite fact about Cher Lloyd is that she is a Romany Gypsy. Of course she is! Hilarious. She already thinks she's a megastar, and, unless she wins, which is quite possible, she will realistically, fade into oblivion like all the others. Deal with it bitch.
Oh my God, Diva Fever: Oh no. Just... I... I don't even know what can be said. Just... Why? They're so bad. I mean, Purple Shirt has a nice voice, but Orange Shirt looks like he's just there for a laugh. And what was with the sparkly suits?! It was some sort of hideous 80s nightmare. I genuinely think Orange Shirt was under strict instructions not to sing. He held his mike about 12 metres away from his face and just had the most gormless smile across his face. I don't think he knew what was going on. He was just happy to be there. No chance in hell.
Paije Richardson: "I just can't go back an work in the cinema...! I... I can't sweep popcorn anymore...!" Shut up about the cinema. It's hardly the worst job in the world. Slash, you're 19, quit the cinema and work somewhere else you fool. Last night, he sang alright. Got a bit ahead of himself. What was that jacket!? I believe the words that came out of my friends mouth were: "He looks like a fat Fresh Prince!" Have truer words ever been spoken? No. He genuinely looked as though Will Smith had been squished downwards, so that all his height became fat. Not cool. "I'm so glad everyone loves me!" Erm... what? No, no, no. Don't big yourself up there Jazzy Jeff.
Katie Waissel: I still hate her, and I have a feeling that she will be going home tonight. Mainly because there are some freaks in the world obsessed with Gamu Gamu and they will make sure she goes no matter what. You are not original Katie, you were singing Queen in a weird outfit. Wow, how unique and kooky. Oh, wait. Idiot. She is way way way too over- confident and she shouldn't be. The fact that the judges have to try and overcompensate on their criticism by going on about how nice she is proves that actually, she's a bitch and she's not good. No one cares if she's nice anyway. You can be as nice as you want, but if there is a better singer/performer, you're going home, Helmet Head. Fact.
Mary 'Big Fat Mary' Byrne: Bless her. As I said last week, she'll be in Chicago in a few weeks. She can sing, in fact, she's amazing, but no. She's not going to win. She's not going to get close. I'm pleased she got such a good reception, although, after about 10 minutes of screaming, I was beyond bored. Jog on, we get it, you're big and fat and old and really really talented, but so was Brenda from a few seasons ago. Come to think of it, I'm almost certain she went into Chicago. Maybe Simon has some sort of contract with the theatre and has to provide at least one West End star per series. Lucie Jones anyone? God, I hated her too.
Nicolo Festa: I love him. He's comedy gold. Why would you ever get him singing Lady Gaga. No one can sing Lady Gaga, not even Lady Gaga. It was awful. And the styling? It was like some sort of hideous joke. So tacky. But the thing is, he's so pretty, and in his VTs he looks so good. I think Dannii's trying to make him more 'different' than he really is. He's just a cocky gay Italian with an odd, but good, voice. There was too much going on. And his hair looked like crap. Not cool Danni, not cool.
Justin Bieber Boyband: OH MY GOD! I am beyond obsessed. They are so freakin' unbelievable. Curly Bieber is my favourite, although, I still have a soft spot for Original Bieber. And I loved it when Simon was like, "When things started to go wrong at the end, Liam came and sorted it out." Bless him! I love him. They were genuinely good though. I became hysterical. They have the Bieber Fever effect. When it was mentioned that we should go to the X Factor tour and see them, I literally became some sort of 12 year old mess. Never in my life would I ever have considered even thinking about going to the X Factor tour, but I am so there this year. But they've got such good voices and they're so pretty!
So, just so we've got this straight, there is Original Bieber (Liam Payne), Curly Bieber (Harry from Cheshire), Asian Bieber (Zain 'I'm too cool to dance' Malik), Other Bieber (The other one with dark hair) and Louis Walsh's Son/Kian from Westlife (Niall from Ireland). They could be the Justin Bieber version of the Spice Girls.
I LOVE THEM! I knew they'd be a success... Just saying...
Wagner: Why? Why? Why? He's like the Indian Chief version of Chico. She Bangs by Ricky Martin? Seriously? Oh my God it was so hilarious. When they brought the bongos out! Oh my God! He didn't even play them in time or anything! And what was with his hoop earrings? And his half pony? With a velvet jacket? Words fail me.
Aiden Grimshaw: He is beyond adorable. I cringed slightly when he started to really 'feel the music' which I hate hate hate beyond belief. But his voice is amazing. He's such a popstar. He'll do well. Although, if he doesn't I think Andrew Lloyd Webber might cast him in Phantom.
Treyc Cohen: "Best vocal performance of the night." Sorry, what Simon? No, no, no. You must have still been thinking about One Direction. Treyc can't even spell her own name right. No, no, no. She's alright. But no. Slash, her arse is quite possibly the largest thing I have ever witnessed in all of time. That dress was not flattering at all. Although, I'm not sure any item of clothing will flatter that. No.
I literally can't wait another week. And what makes it worse is that I'm not even going to be able to watch it live on Saturday! I might ring Brandon Flowers and ask him to move his concert. He's American, I get it, he probably didn't realise X Factor was on, but I'm sure, once he finds out, he'll move the concert ASAP. I mean, he won't want to miss it either.
My predictions for the double elimination tonight are thus: Katie Waissel and, with any luck, Careworker, 29.
Sunday, 10 October 2010
Friday, 8 October 2010
I promise to stop talking about Justin Bieber
At least for a few days. Slash, it's X Factor tomorrow, so maybe next week.
We all know I love the Justin Bieber boyband, so my life was made when last night, whilst I was watching Celebrity Juice, they started talking about them. Of course, they referred to them as One Direction (a poor band name) when lo and behold, Paloma Faith goes, "Oh, are they the ones that all look like Justin Bieber?"
My reaction to this was thus:
I would also like to point out that Paloma Faith should stop stealing my ideas.
We all know I love the Justin Bieber boyband, so my life was made when last night, whilst I was watching Celebrity Juice, they started talking about them. Of course, they referred to them as One Direction (a poor band name) when lo and behold, Paloma Faith goes, "Oh, are they the ones that all look like Justin Bieber?"
My reaction to this was thus:
- Screaming
- Running into each of my flatmates rooms individually, still screaming
- Repeating the story at least thrice to each flatmate
- Getting into bed, too excited to sleep and thinking, 'I must blog about this tomorrow'.
I would also like to point out that Paloma Faith should stop stealing my ideas.
OUTRAGE! A travesty against basic human rights.
In this grand country, you wouldn't allow a person to live without a name. In this grand country, you would not allow a person to be subject to physical or mental abuse. In this grand country, you would not allow a child to be deprived of an education. So why is it, that in this supposedly grand country, you can allow a person to live without Justin Bieber? It is for this reason that I believe the government should alter the laws regarding basic human rights to include the watching of Justin Bieber Live at the VMAs 2010.
It is with great horror, shock and disappointment that I today learnt that Viacom International have removed all videos of Bieber is all his glory at this year's VMAs from YouTube. This is not acceptable.
To reverse this sick and twisted motion, I propose a petition to shut down Viacom International, and have the persons personally responsible for this travesty tried and sentenced to a minimum of 70 years in high security prison.
For the time being however, I provide you with another link to watch the greatest televisual event of all time. Unforunately, this one is not as good quality as its predecessor as it has been recorded off some loser's television, but it shall have to do:
http://www.musicvideolife.com/2010-mtv-vmas-justin-bieber-live-performance-video_f5b44cdc4.html
UPDATE: There is still one on there: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L427smp_LLo
It is with great horror, shock and disappointment that I today learnt that Viacom International have removed all videos of Bieber is all his glory at this year's VMAs from YouTube. This is not acceptable.
To reverse this sick and twisted motion, I propose a petition to shut down Viacom International, and have the persons personally responsible for this travesty tried and sentenced to a minimum of 70 years in high security prison.
For the time being however, I provide you with another link to watch the greatest televisual event of all time. Unforunately, this one is not as good quality as its predecessor as it has been recorded off some loser's television, but it shall have to do:
http://www.musicvideolife.com/2010-mtv-vmas-justin-bieber-live-performance-video_f5b44cdc4.html
UPDATE: There is still one on there: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L427smp_LLo
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Wall Street 2: Money Sleeps Quite Frequently When You Keep Going On About Their Personal Lives
I'm disappointed. I was so excited I could have cried, although I knew it would be awful, I was hoping to be proven wrong. And in some areas, I suppose I was. Literally standing in the queue for 20 minutes whilst the staff were telling people over and over that certain films were sold out. I believe the words that came out of my mouth were, "If Wall Street is sold out, I am going to punch someone in the face and then kill myself." Thankfully, I didn't have to resort to such extreme measures, but I did have to sit separately from my companions, resulting in me gasping and grabbing hold of the man next to me in excitement when something good or something hilariously terrible happened and then making a mental list of talking points which went as follows:
My favourite things about the film:
My least favourite things about the film:
I did love the way they incorporated Josh Brolin's character into Gordon Gekko's past, giving him motive. I thought it was clever. There was not enough trading, at all. It was more about their private lives, Gordon's reconciliation with his daughter. Shia and Carey's break-up, their crying, their reconciliation. I cringed every time they kissed or hugged or touched. They're together in real life, it shouldn't be that awkward! And I love Shia, I think he's a great actor, and I totally believed him in the role. Although I did keep thinking he was too young to get married, and then, when she revealed that she was pregnant, all I could think was, "You're 12! Ew ew ew ew ew! No! Even Stevens." And when he turned up in London! Oh dear God. It was obvious as soon as Gordon walked into his office in the dark, that Shia would be there waiting, but it was so pathetic. He was just sat there, and turned on the most pathetic lamp ever, in what I'm assuming was meant to be some dramatic reveal. It failed. And then, when he handed Gordon the disk, all I could think was, "If that's a scan of his baby, I'm actually going to throw up." Whatcha know!? So embarrassing. I get that it was meant to be all about Gordon's reform, his changing into a brand new man that can be the badass in the office, but a decent father and grandfather in everyday life, but seriously, it was embarrassing trying to watch it and take it all seriously. He's Gordon Gekko, a villain we actually celebrate! Not some mushy dad. No!
Here's what should have happened. Shia should have worn a suit at all times. He should have done loads of trading. He should have taken Josh Brolin down in a much more dramatic way. Then Michael Douglas should have taken him under his wing and they should have made a super team. And Carey Mulligan should have never been in it. And Charlie Sheen should have been some sort of mentor for Shia. And Frank Langella should never have killed himself at the beginning! What the hell!? It made me jump everytime they showed it. It was so not a 12A. And it was so not as good as the original. But I can't help but kinda love it. In the, 'I love to hate it' sort of way. Obviously...
My favourite things about the film:
- Charlie Sheen - I love Charlie Sheen. I love all the Sheens, even Emilio, and I was so not expecting a cameo! But lo and behold, there he was, with his badly dyed hair, his dodgy fake tan and his drug abused skin. Literally the best thing that could ever happen in any movie is a cameo from Charlie Sheen.
- Shia LaBeouf crying - Adorable. At first... When his mentor died and he cried I was genuinely sad and wanted to hug him, but after the 17th time, I was over it.
- Shia LaBeouf's eyebrows - They are mesmerizing. Next time you watch a Shia LaBeouf film, try not to look at his eyebrows, it's impossible.
- Shia LaBeouf's ringtone - Who even let's their phone ring outloud anymore?! Shia does, and for some reason, they felt it appropriate to make it into some big deal. Whether it was some attempt at comedy, I'm not sure, but if it was, I was left laughing at him, not with him
- "He got beat like a redheaded stepchild!" - Genius.
- Josh Brolin in biking leathers - You get the picture.
My least favourite things about the film:
- Carey Mulligan - I get it. She's meant to be some rising star and oh, she's so talented! And oh, she's so pretty. Wrong. She was pointless. Completely pointless. AND SINCE WHEN DID GORDON GEKKO HAVE A DAUGHTER?! I've been trying to figure out some sort of timeline and I just can't get my head around it. No, no, no, no, no. What kind of person hates their father for being rich? What kind of person has a trust fund of $100million and doesn't want anything to do with it? What kind of person gets her fiance to take back a $400,000 engagement ring? An idiot, that's who.
- The plot - It was dire. I mean, when you hear Wall Street, immediately you have images of Michael Douglas in an excellent suit taking people down. You have images of Charlie Sheen in an excellent suit taking people down. I even had expectations of Shia LaBeouf in an excellent suit TAKING PEOPLE DOWN! No. All I got was some sort of romantic-drama, action nonsense that was reminiscent of that god awful Robert Pattinson movie with that girl from Lost. Slash, the whole pregnancy thing make me want to vom.
- The effects - Due to my education, I am aware of the features of Final Cut Pro, and never, in my life, have I ever witnessed such a blatent use of them. I mean there were the weirdest, cheesiest scene changes ever.
- The science - I wasn't there to take a physics class, I was there, if I have not already mentioned, to watch Michael Douglas and Shia LaBeouf TAKE PEOPLE DOWN. When he kept going on about all that eco friendly energy crap, apart from wanting to kill myself out of boredom, I was baffled by the bizarre decision to include moving diagrams that looked like something from an education video from the 70s you'd get shown at school. Not cool.
- Shia LaBeouf crying - It was cute, then I wanted to hurt him.
- The poor editing - I'm not sure whether it was just the film roll that we saw, but after one scene with Shia wearing a fetching leather jacket, he then appeared, wearing some sort of tweed suit, in a completely different location, throwing his hands in the air, before it quickly and abruptly cut to some ball. It later became apparent that this was the end of a scene with Michael Douglas, that, due to the mix up, ended in the most ridiculous of manners.
- The motorbike bit - I didn't get it. Great Shia can ride a motorbike. Congrats. No relevance at all.
- The end - I don't give a shit about their baby.
I did love the way they incorporated Josh Brolin's character into Gordon Gekko's past, giving him motive. I thought it was clever. There was not enough trading, at all. It was more about their private lives, Gordon's reconciliation with his daughter. Shia and Carey's break-up, their crying, their reconciliation. I cringed every time they kissed or hugged or touched. They're together in real life, it shouldn't be that awkward! And I love Shia, I think he's a great actor, and I totally believed him in the role. Although I did keep thinking he was too young to get married, and then, when she revealed that she was pregnant, all I could think was, "You're 12! Ew ew ew ew ew! No! Even Stevens." And when he turned up in London! Oh dear God. It was obvious as soon as Gordon walked into his office in the dark, that Shia would be there waiting, but it was so pathetic. He was just sat there, and turned on the most pathetic lamp ever, in what I'm assuming was meant to be some dramatic reveal. It failed. And then, when he handed Gordon the disk, all I could think was, "If that's a scan of his baby, I'm actually going to throw up." Whatcha know!? So embarrassing. I get that it was meant to be all about Gordon's reform, his changing into a brand new man that can be the badass in the office, but a decent father and grandfather in everyday life, but seriously, it was embarrassing trying to watch it and take it all seriously. He's Gordon Gekko, a villain we actually celebrate! Not some mushy dad. No!
Here's what should have happened. Shia should have worn a suit at all times. He should have done loads of trading. He should have taken Josh Brolin down in a much more dramatic way. Then Michael Douglas should have taken him under his wing and they should have made a super team. And Carey Mulligan should have never been in it. And Charlie Sheen should have been some sort of mentor for Shia. And Frank Langella should never have killed himself at the beginning! What the hell!? It made me jump everytime they showed it. It was so not a 12A. And it was so not as good as the original. But I can't help but kinda love it. In the, 'I love to hate it' sort of way. Obviously...
Tuesday, 5 October 2010
Dear Julian Baker of One Tree Hill Fame...
... If you actually did what we're led to believe you have done, I will be forced to commit a series of very serious crimes for which I will hold you solely accountable.
Love Alice.
Here's the deal. I am beyond bored of the Brooke/Julian (or if you prefer, Brulian) will they, won't they situation. We all know they're going to get back together, and just when I thought it was finally about to happen, Julian 'walks Alex back to her room', only for Brooke to walk into his room and find Alex naked in his bed. What the hell!? Surely he can't have done it, HE CAN'T HAVE DONE! God, this show is going to send me to an early grave. I don't even know why it stresses me out so much, it's not like it's even any good, but I just cannot accept that this has happened. That is why my thoughts are thus: Julian did not sleep with Alex and there appears to have been just some great misunderstanding. She was moaning about how she couldn't sleep in her room because of the patio furniture salesmen who were living it up big time, and so Julian, for the good of the film of course, offered to switch rooms with her or something. Then, Brooke, not knowing this, will be all like, "You know what, Julian, I was just beginning to think I could trust you again, but I guess I was wrong," and storm off, for him to follow her, explain his way out of it and then they'll have some hilariously over the top kiss with Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott singing in the background. Excellent.
This might sound harsh, but are we really meant to care that Hayley's mum (whose name I do not know) is dying. I get that it's a sad situation, but seriously. She literally just turned up and we're meant to feel some sort of connection to her. Slash, when did Hayley have such a big family? I love that they just showed up out of nowhere and we're meant to believe that they've always been super close. Plus, Jamie is not cute enough anymore to make things sad. Sorry, but it's true. I swear they're slipping growth stunting substances into his bacon, ice cream and lard sandwiches.
But my favourite moment of the episode was, of course, when Brooke tried to convince the consierge at the hotel to let her have Julian's key and he was there reading all about their break-up in a celebrity gossip magazine! Lest us forget how famous they all are! And he was all like, "Oh, I'm such a big fan, I'm so glad you two are back together!" And Brooke was all like, "You can't always believe what you read in the papers!" It's so ridiculous! But I freakin' love it! I wonder whe Hayley's next album's out...
Love Alice.
Here's the deal. I am beyond bored of the Brooke/Julian (or if you prefer, Brulian) will they, won't they situation. We all know they're going to get back together, and just when I thought it was finally about to happen, Julian 'walks Alex back to her room', only for Brooke to walk into his room and find Alex naked in his bed. What the hell!? Surely he can't have done it, HE CAN'T HAVE DONE! God, this show is going to send me to an early grave. I don't even know why it stresses me out so much, it's not like it's even any good, but I just cannot accept that this has happened. That is why my thoughts are thus: Julian did not sleep with Alex and there appears to have been just some great misunderstanding. She was moaning about how she couldn't sleep in her room because of the patio furniture salesmen who were living it up big time, and so Julian, for the good of the film of course, offered to switch rooms with her or something. Then, Brooke, not knowing this, will be all like, "You know what, Julian, I was just beginning to think I could trust you again, but I guess I was wrong," and storm off, for him to follow her, explain his way out of it and then they'll have some hilariously over the top kiss with Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott singing in the background. Excellent.
This might sound harsh, but are we really meant to care that Hayley's mum (whose name I do not know) is dying. I get that it's a sad situation, but seriously. She literally just turned up and we're meant to feel some sort of connection to her. Slash, when did Hayley have such a big family? I love that they just showed up out of nowhere and we're meant to believe that they've always been super close. Plus, Jamie is not cute enough anymore to make things sad. Sorry, but it's true. I swear they're slipping growth stunting substances into his bacon, ice cream and lard sandwiches.
But my favourite moment of the episode was, of course, when Brooke tried to convince the consierge at the hotel to let her have Julian's key and he was there reading all about their break-up in a celebrity gossip magazine! Lest us forget how famous they all are! And he was all like, "Oh, I'm such a big fan, I'm so glad you two are back together!" And Brooke was all like, "You can't always believe what you read in the papers!" It's so ridiculous! But I freakin' love it! I wonder whe Hayley's next album's out...
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Cheryl Cole Has Lost Her Mind
Literally gone insane. For one, Cher didn't deserve to get in. I know that Cheryl always had that soft spot for her, but seriously. If it was anyone else, they would never have stood a chance. She didn't even sing the song! She just stood there, being hideously overdramatic, sang about one line and gave up. She gave up! Cheryl even gave her a chance to come back later and she gave up! She's a quitter! OK, so she had tonsilitus, if she had told Cheryl that, and then attempted to sing the song all the way through, then I could understand it. But to give up is not good enough. She's only 16, she can come back next year and be guaranteed a place in the Judge's Houses at least! I'M SO ANGRY! It's ludicrous. Outrage!
And stupid horrible hideous Katie. I loathe everything about her! She is so false it's embarrassing. I seriously though Cheryl would be able to see all that, but alas, it appears malaria messes with your common sense. That fake breakdown was seriously pathetic. And her voice is nothing special. I feel like she's some sort of plant, an actor put there by the producers to try and cause drama. She's awful, just awful.
And what about poor Gamu? She irritated me beyond belief but she can sing. At least Rebecca was the right choice.
JUSTIN BIEBER BOYBAND! Genius. Simon is going to make them so good. I knew they'd get through and I am seriously pleased they did. I was so impressed with them, despite having doubts at first. I know they'll start getting on my nerves as soon as they start trying to take themselves too seriously, and the makeover has not served them well. But I'm sure they'll be great. In fact, Simon made all the right choices. Although, I did like The Reason. But they failed, lets be honest.
Louis stands no chance of even getting an act past the 3rd week. Not one of them is decent. Big Fat Mary will be Mama Morton is Chicago by February, Storm, although having a fantastic voice, is going nowhere with that new red hair, and I can't even remember the other one's name. I know he's 29 and a careworker. Great. I actually feel sorry for Louis, but he didn't even put the girl with the best voice through, so he's made his bed. Idiot. Although I do miss Wagner. What a legend.
Dannii had the hardest decisions. But she made the right choices too. I love Matt with the Hat. He's so adorable and he's got the most amazing voice. He'll do well, he may even win, but if he does he'll never actually make it. It's sad, but true - Steve Brookstein anyone? Tragic really. But at least he's in. Aidan is super cute, but 'feels the music' too much. It's embarrassing. I can't remember the other one, but I remember being pleased so that's good.
I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE WILDCARD! The more I think about it, the less exciting it becomes, but it'll make for good television so I don't care. Next week, all the contestants from Judge's Houses get a lifeline, and are coming back next week so that each judge can choose another finalist for their category! Loves it.
Well done, Simon. You have officially nailed it. PS. Please sort Cheryl out, love from Alice. x
And stupid horrible hideous Katie. I loathe everything about her! She is so false it's embarrassing. I seriously though Cheryl would be able to see all that, but alas, it appears malaria messes with your common sense. That fake breakdown was seriously pathetic. And her voice is nothing special. I feel like she's some sort of plant, an actor put there by the producers to try and cause drama. She's awful, just awful.
And what about poor Gamu? She irritated me beyond belief but she can sing. At least Rebecca was the right choice.
JUSTIN BIEBER BOYBAND! Genius. Simon is going to make them so good. I knew they'd get through and I am seriously pleased they did. I was so impressed with them, despite having doubts at first. I know they'll start getting on my nerves as soon as they start trying to take themselves too seriously, and the makeover has not served them well. But I'm sure they'll be great. In fact, Simon made all the right choices. Although, I did like The Reason. But they failed, lets be honest.
Louis stands no chance of even getting an act past the 3rd week. Not one of them is decent. Big Fat Mary will be Mama Morton is Chicago by February, Storm, although having a fantastic voice, is going nowhere with that new red hair, and I can't even remember the other one's name. I know he's 29 and a careworker. Great. I actually feel sorry for Louis, but he didn't even put the girl with the best voice through, so he's made his bed. Idiot. Although I do miss Wagner. What a legend.
Dannii had the hardest decisions. But she made the right choices too. I love Matt with the Hat. He's so adorable and he's got the most amazing voice. He'll do well, he may even win, but if he does he'll never actually make it. It's sad, but true - Steve Brookstein anyone? Tragic really. But at least he's in. Aidan is super cute, but 'feels the music' too much. It's embarrassing. I can't remember the other one, but I remember being pleased so that's good.
I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE WILDCARD! The more I think about it, the less exciting it becomes, but it'll make for good television so I don't care. Next week, all the contestants from Judge's Houses get a lifeline, and are coming back next week so that each judge can choose another finalist for their category! Loves it.
Well done, Simon. You have officially nailed it. PS. Please sort Cheryl out, love from Alice. x
The Town
I hate myself for the words I am about to type, but Ben Affleck might have finally proven himself to be a good actor. I'm ashamed to admit I even found him attractive for the first time ever. Considering all the other crap he's been in, it wouldn't be hard to beat his past performances (anything with Matt Damon not included), but this film was genuinely good. In fact, I've been thinking about it all day. Unfortunately, this is in part, slash majorly due to the fact that I have written a much better alternate ending. Whilst discussing with a close and very distinguished friend, we have decided that Ben Affleck should be informed that the ending of his movie is, for want of a better word, gay.
The plot of the film is genius, although it was based on a book, so no credit for Affleck there. The direction, the camera work and the performances were all fantastic though, so brava Ben. Even Blake Lively was good! I have made my feelings towards Blake Lively perfectly clear here before, and they have not changed, at all. Her role was completely and utterly pointless. Totally. Fair play to her for fighting her arse off for the part (apparently she got on the train to Boston (shock, horror, gasp!) and managed to convince Ben Affleck that she was actually from Boston and got the role, despite him refusing to even see her for the part) but still, even if they'd given it to a genuine 30 year old crack whore, the role was completely and utterly futile, to the point of frustration. My only explanation for them even putting it into the film in the first place was that, initially, she was in more scenes and they got cut down in editing, probably to make room for the worst ending ever. Yes I get that she is there to help establish Ben Affleck's past, and the relationship between him and Jeremy Renner but still. On reflection, Blake Lively's performance wasn't as good as I thought it was, with her stand out line being, "I'm goin wit choo," in the most unconvincing of accents ever. But she didn't annoy me as much as she does in everyday life so I shall move on...
If all two of you don't want to know the ending, please don't read on because I have every intention of ruining it and ripping it to shreads.
So Ben Affleck is a bank robber of sorts that robs banks for this guy with his mates and they're really good at it. When they rob the first bank, they end up taking Rebecca Hall hostage because she sounds the alarm and they want to scare her into not talking to the FBI because Jon Hamm (FBI agent extraordinaire) has been after them for a while. So after they let her go, Jeremy Renner's all like "we need to watch her", but he's been on a bit of a killing rampage so Ben Affleck decides to keep an eye on her himself, only to fall madly in love with her. At this point she doesn't know it's him that robbed her so it's not that weird. But then they start to get worse at robbing banks and Jon Hamm catches up with them. Ultimately, they get caught, they all get shot, except Ben Affleck who manages to escape, but has to give up on his dream of being with Rebecca Hall. Tragic. He's like the most loveable, adorable bank robber ever. I love films where you route for the criminals! But the ending is just awful.
After declaring all the way through the film that he's never killed anyone, he kills the big boss man and his assistant (which I really didn't want him to do because he really didn't want to do it, but they deserved it). That itself was disappointing. Then he calls Rebecca Hall who has been 'cooperating' with Jon Hamm, and I use that term lightly because once she realises that Ben Affleck is a wanted criminal, she tries to lie to them to protect him. When she receives the call, the FBI are there with her, anticipating it. Ben Affleck can see all of this from his prime observation spot across the street. The FBI are telling her to make him come to the apartment so they can catch him in a pretty pathetic trap. Of course, she doesn't want this to happen, and even though he already knows that he's not going to turn up, as they say their cryptic farewells on the phone, Rebecca Hall manages to sneakily tip him off as to what's going on with a nice smirk. But, as we all know, Jon Hamm is a freakin genius, and so figures it out. Sadly for him, by then, Ben Affleck's already on the train to Florida and there we see him staring over a lake in his new home whilst he provides the voiceover to a rubbish letter he has written for Rebecca Hall. After all the action, it was nothing short of a let down.
This is how it should have gone: He should have called Rebecca Hall as per usual, and whilst she was delivering her cryptic message, her knowing smile should have been the cue for Affleck to smile himself, put down the phone, walk out of shot, and the credits to role, with some sort of action movie score in the background. Think Bourne Ultimatum, I mean, has he learnt nothing from Matt Damon. Much more of a cliffhanger, much more interesting, not so completely dull and pointless it ruins the whole film.
Apart from the worst ever explanation of a film, I think I have provided evidence enough that Ben Affleck should demand for the film to be re-edited and then re-released with the much better ending and then everyone will be happy. The word Oscar might even get thrown around... HA! No, not really, it wasn't that good Ben, but a valiant effort. Congrats.
Slash, just a quick thought on last night's X Factor. If Cher gets through it's a disgrace, she didn't sing, it's not fair, she gave up, she has to deal with it. That Katie girl is so false it makes me want to smash up the TV - IT'S ALL LIES! SHE'S A FAKE! UUURRRGGGHHH! And the Justin Bieber boyband, for whom I predicted great success, proved themselves to be just as fantastic as I thought. They'll get through. I bet Simon's got Bieber himself on speed dial already for the final.
The plot of the film is genius, although it was based on a book, so no credit for Affleck there. The direction, the camera work and the performances were all fantastic though, so brava Ben. Even Blake Lively was good! I have made my feelings towards Blake Lively perfectly clear here before, and they have not changed, at all. Her role was completely and utterly pointless. Totally. Fair play to her for fighting her arse off for the part (apparently she got on the train to Boston (shock, horror, gasp!) and managed to convince Ben Affleck that she was actually from Boston and got the role, despite him refusing to even see her for the part) but still, even if they'd given it to a genuine 30 year old crack whore, the role was completely and utterly futile, to the point of frustration. My only explanation for them even putting it into the film in the first place was that, initially, she was in more scenes and they got cut down in editing, probably to make room for the worst ending ever. Yes I get that she is there to help establish Ben Affleck's past, and the relationship between him and Jeremy Renner but still. On reflection, Blake Lively's performance wasn't as good as I thought it was, with her stand out line being, "I'm goin wit choo," in the most unconvincing of accents ever. But she didn't annoy me as much as she does in everyday life so I shall move on...
If all two of you don't want to know the ending, please don't read on because I have every intention of ruining it and ripping it to shreads.
So Ben Affleck is a bank robber of sorts that robs banks for this guy with his mates and they're really good at it. When they rob the first bank, they end up taking Rebecca Hall hostage because she sounds the alarm and they want to scare her into not talking to the FBI because Jon Hamm (FBI agent extraordinaire) has been after them for a while. So after they let her go, Jeremy Renner's all like "we need to watch her", but he's been on a bit of a killing rampage so Ben Affleck decides to keep an eye on her himself, only to fall madly in love with her. At this point she doesn't know it's him that robbed her so it's not that weird. But then they start to get worse at robbing banks and Jon Hamm catches up with them. Ultimately, they get caught, they all get shot, except Ben Affleck who manages to escape, but has to give up on his dream of being with Rebecca Hall. Tragic. He's like the most loveable, adorable bank robber ever. I love films where you route for the criminals! But the ending is just awful.
After declaring all the way through the film that he's never killed anyone, he kills the big boss man and his assistant (which I really didn't want him to do because he really didn't want to do it, but they deserved it). That itself was disappointing. Then he calls Rebecca Hall who has been 'cooperating' with Jon Hamm, and I use that term lightly because once she realises that Ben Affleck is a wanted criminal, she tries to lie to them to protect him. When she receives the call, the FBI are there with her, anticipating it. Ben Affleck can see all of this from his prime observation spot across the street. The FBI are telling her to make him come to the apartment so they can catch him in a pretty pathetic trap. Of course, she doesn't want this to happen, and even though he already knows that he's not going to turn up, as they say their cryptic farewells on the phone, Rebecca Hall manages to sneakily tip him off as to what's going on with a nice smirk. But, as we all know, Jon Hamm is a freakin genius, and so figures it out. Sadly for him, by then, Ben Affleck's already on the train to Florida and there we see him staring over a lake in his new home whilst he provides the voiceover to a rubbish letter he has written for Rebecca Hall. After all the action, it was nothing short of a let down.
This is how it should have gone: He should have called Rebecca Hall as per usual, and whilst she was delivering her cryptic message, her knowing smile should have been the cue for Affleck to smile himself, put down the phone, walk out of shot, and the credits to role, with some sort of action movie score in the background. Think Bourne Ultimatum, I mean, has he learnt nothing from Matt Damon. Much more of a cliffhanger, much more interesting, not so completely dull and pointless it ruins the whole film.
Apart from the worst ever explanation of a film, I think I have provided evidence enough that Ben Affleck should demand for the film to be re-edited and then re-released with the much better ending and then everyone will be happy. The word Oscar might even get thrown around... HA! No, not really, it wasn't that good Ben, but a valiant effort. Congrats.
Slash, just a quick thought on last night's X Factor. If Cher gets through it's a disgrace, she didn't sing, it's not fair, she gave up, she has to deal with it. That Katie girl is so false it makes me want to smash up the TV - IT'S ALL LIES! SHE'S A FAKE! UUURRRGGGHHH! And the Justin Bieber boyband, for whom I predicted great success, proved themselves to be just as fantastic as I thought. They'll get through. I bet Simon's got Bieber himself on speed dial already for the final.
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