Whilst I am aware that this is rapidly deteriorating into some sort of pathetic X Factor blog, until it ends, and they put something else decent on the television, I feel there is no end in sight for my hideously uninteresting ramblings about everyone's favourite reality show. Slash, I just want to turn my attention to the real X Factor blog...
xfactorblog.co.uk is quite possibly the least reliable website in the history of the internet. I'm more likely to trust spam email from the King of Nigeria than I am to trust the X Factor blog. It is always wrong. ALWAYS. And whilst I understand that there will be numerous sources involved in getting track information midweek and that acts always switch songs at the last minute, I hate, no, I abhor the fact that it gets my hopes up every week, only to send me into a never ending spiral of despair, ruining the overall X Factor experience.
First it told me that One Direction would be singing Justin Bieber. Now, I should have known it was going to be too good to be true, but still, when an idea that genius is put into your head, it's hard to shake, slash, my logic was that it was about bloody time. But of course, when they came out and sand Pink, I almost threw myself out my window. For one, that's not even a guilty pleasure, just a boring song. But the worst thing that X Factor blog have ever done to me happened yesterday...
I got in from having dinner with a friend to a stampede of flatmates running towards me filled with excitement. "I have the best news ever," my friend said. "Justin Bieber?" I enquired. "Better," she replied. What could be better than Bieber, I thought. "One Direction are going to sing The Killers on rock week!" OH. MY. GOD! I was hysterical. To the point of jumping up and down, whilst screaming. Of course, there was arm flapping, spinning, a general loss of control of my body, the norm. And so, for 24 hours, I managed to build and build my hopes of Justin Bieber Boyband singing Somebody Told Me, to the point where I was giggling secretly to myself in delight. Of course, when I checked X Factor blog today, I was sadly informed that they were not in fact singing The Killers, but Bryan Adams. Hmmmm... Now, I love Summer of '69, and they nailed it. Obviously. But, honestly, I was beside myself with disappointment. Just despairing of all that is good in the world. Slash, whilst they were good, I'm going to throw it out there and suggest they weren't as good as usual.
Of course, I still love them. And even though in the second song, only 3 of them sang, they were amazing. And when Simon was all like, "Oh, I'm so proud of you. Especially you Zain 'I'm too cool to dance' Malik, because I remember how embarrassed you were at boot camp and now look at you! And Harry 'from Cheshire' Styles, you chose the song and aren't you all great!" Could their faces have been any cuter from sheer joy?! Well, they're all Biebers, so of course they're cute. Slash, when Asian Bieber was all like, "I just love it so much and to come out here every week with my 5 best friends is just the best," I realised, that whilst he is so painfully beautiful it is actually ludicrous, he's only about 6 and probably didn't even finish learning how to count before being thrust into the lime light. Bless.
Erm... Katie was abysmal. ABYSMAL! I mean, the whole evening was a travesty. Cheryl, for once in her post-Ashley life, actually looked normal, but was she high or something? I mean, she was one step away from jazz hands. "My cute tootey, Cher!" What?! They are the actual words you are choosing to say? Seriously? Sure you don't want to think about it, before you not only embarrass your act, but yourself as well? Cher was awful. Avril Lavigne does not count as rock, and her little Lil Mama rap was not English. I swear she was just saying random words. "B, R, O, O, M...." Riiiiiiggggghhtttt... Didn't realise the song was about sweeping, but whatever.
Matt nailed the second song, Rebecca was quite boring in both, but better than last week, Big Fat Mary needs to go. You know what they should have done? They should have just made it U2 week, most of them sang their songs anyway. Oh, Christ! When Louis was going on about how proud Bono would be of them all. Jesus. I'm pretty sure Bono is drawing up a contract right now to ensure that his songs can never ever be used on the X Factor ever again. Just awful.
I'm going to suggest that whilst Thom Yorke would not think it was a great performance, no matter what Louis says, that it was actually Wagner's best attempt to date. I actually loved that Louis got the words completely wrong and was like, "It's winner, Simon, it says winner in the song." Erm... Pretty sure that's 'weirdo' Louis, but whatever you like to tell yourself to attempt to corner the guilt for putting Wagner into your final 4 when poor little Aiden Grimshaw gets sent home. Bastard.
Konnie Huq is still awful. Dermot is a hero. N Dubz are the biggest cringefest ever. Danny Dyer is the biggest knob ever, but hilarious. And he loves One Direction so that's fine. He gave his daughter his own name, so I'm not entirely certain as to how sound his judgement is. James Corden loves One Direction. Ron freakin Weasley loves One Direction. And that is all I learnt from this instalment of the Xtra Factor.
I don't think I could be more excited about Justin Bieber being on the results show tomorrow. The word on the grapevine is that he's either singing U Smile or Baby. I'm personally routing for a nice little medley a la the VMAs, the performance that sees us in the position we stand today. Good news is, it's probably quite reliable information, I didn't get it from the X Factor blog...
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