Oh, Col... The Baftas 2011

Oh dear God. Could more have possibly gone wrong? I don't think so. I always seem to think that the Baftas will be a classy affair, typically English, sophisticated, elegant. I am always, always wrong. It was shambolic to the point of complete humiliation on an international scale.

I don't know what was worse; the fact that The Social Network was even tolerated as an award worthy film on my home turf or Emma Watson being there in general. I'm going to completely bipass the fact that The Fighter wasn't even nominated for Best Film... Although there was the occasional saving grace; casual Dev Patel here, casual Dev Patel there, Andrew Garfield in general, JK Rowling's interesting choice of attire, Colin Firth. Oh, Col...

Right! Let us try and do this as chronologically as possible without getting distracted. Helena Bonham Carter is such a hero. Absolutely hilarious. I'm so glad the creepy mum from Black Swan didn't win. I only had to see her face to know that there is no way in hell I'm getting a decent night's sleep tonight.

Question. Who invited Jessica Alba and Neve Campbell? Why are were they there? I'm pretty sure neither of them have been in anything since 2002 at the latest. Not anything that didn't go direct to DVD anyway. And also, why was Kieran Culkin there? Now, I love me a Culkin, and they do have a sneaky habit of appearing in the most unlikely of places at the most unlikely of times. I'm assuming he's dating Emma Stone as they were sat together and that is the only conceivable explanation of why he was in attendance. Unless he just turned up for jokes. Typical Culkins. Slash, as much as I was enjoying the idea of a Culkin using their cult status to geg into the Baftas, it turns out he is dating Emma Stone. Disappointing on so many levels. Well, not really... Mainly just the one... STOP DISTRACTING ME CULKINS!

Screw the chronology. I'll just try and remember. Oh, Colin. Colin, Colin, Colin. He has a way of making me cry by just speaking. It's actually completely absurd and ludicrous, but he's just so damn cute and articulate and eloquent and fabulous and oh my God, when he thanked his mum and dad, I lost it. I was anticipating something much worse. Something tragic about how much he loves his wife. Thankfully, he was kind and restrained himself. I welled up when he thanked Tom Ford for God's sake. Oh, Colin. I applaud you and your greatness.

And suck it Social Network! In England we appreciate films that actually deserve it. The King's Speech is much more deserving of winning Best Film than The Social Network and we all know it. Well, the Oscars probably don't know it, but I refuse to listen to anything they say until they've sorted Leo out with his award. What's tragic is, is that I really did like The Social Network, but it's gotten to the stage now where it has won so many undeserved awards that I cannot actually physically handle any more. Although watching Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg accept the award on behalf of the painfully underserving David Fincher was beyond adorable. They were so nervous bless them. But doesn't he look lovely in a suit?!

The flow to this is becoming so disjointed that I'm going to have to take this opportunity to apologise, but I need to express my anger about the Harry Potter people before I explode. When I say Harry Potter people, what I really mean is Emma Watson, who tonight was giving Lea Michele a run for her money. YOU'RE PRESENTING AN AWARD FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER! WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING TO CRY/BE SO OVERWHELMED YOU CANNOT SPEAK FOR WELLING UP!? Moron. At least her dress was hideous. She winds me up to the point where I hope they kill Hermione off as a shock twist in the last film. I find it quite hard to believe that JK (I can call her that, we're mates) is as proud as she is claiming to be of the films. She's probably just proud of all the money they've made her, because if we're being honest with ourselves, save for Lucius Malfoy and a casual bit of Gary Oldman, they're pretty terrible and completely irrelevant to the books. But it would appear JK was wearing some sort of drapey snakeskin print, so she's clearly lost her mind. The best thing about the whole Harry Potter at the Bafta's saga was hands down Stephen Fry. Was it me, or was he the tiniest bit drunk? It can't just be me. He was slurring his words, calling people by the wrong name, swaying slightly. Excellent. Well done, Stephen.

Oh! And thinking of more disasters, what was going on with Rosamond Pike? "Oh, the autocue's gone, I'm sorry. Yes, the original screenplay is very important... It's very important because... You see, as actors we need a good original screenplay..." Enter Dominic Cooper, who's only response was, "Help me get off stage." Oh dear God. And then going to announce the winner before the nominations had even been read out. Jesus Christ. It's not even really live, I don't understand how they could have allowed all that nonsense into the edit. I know they don't have much time, but they had no issue cutting off Mr King's Speech Screenwriter off mid flow with a casual cut to the audience. Terrible. He was so adorable coming to think of it.

Oh my God. The saddest of them all, Sir Christopher Lee. Bless him! I love him. When he walked on, it literally killed me. With his little cane and his little shuffley feet. I literally lost my mind. And it clearly meant so much to him, although it did give Emma Watson yet another excuse to bring out the crocodile tears. She probably doesn't even know who he is. I can't deal with old people. It's too tragic. He was so lovely and eloquent but still, so tragic.

So, overall, it was so poorly put on. I mean, how hard is it to make sure the autocue is going to work? People do it every freakin' day! No wonder most of the nominees don't even bother to show up to the Baftas any more. They clearly have no relevance to the rest of award's season. Although they deserve snaps for giving The King's Speech so many over the film that has become the bane of my life despite the fact I loved it. Oh, such a conflict between heart and mind...

The Fighter

Oh my God. I swear, on all that is viewed as holy and sacred in this world, that if The Social Network wins Best Picture at the Oscars, I'm boarding the next flight to LA and burning the Academy to the ground. After seeing three of the competing films, I am 100% certain that The Social Network is quite possibly the worst of them all. And The Fighter is the best...

Oh my God. Oh MY GOD, it was brilliant! Someone get me a laminator, I'm making me a brand new Marky Mark lunchbox. He is so freakin' amazing, I can't even begin to express it. I'm now even more enraged that he is not nominated for Best Actor. He wouldn't win, we all know Col 'Older than my dad' Firth will win, but he deserves a nomination. More than Jesse freakin' Eisenberg anyway... I loved it! I loved it so much. Yes, I think that most of the hysteria in my tone is due to the fact that Mark Wahlberg is painfully attractive, but even so, the film itself was just unbelievable.

Amy Adams was even good. And I hate her. Melissa Leo deserves every award she gets - she's amazing. And they may as well just hand Christian Bale the award now so he doesn't have to show up and pretend to enjoy himself. Although I am greatly looking forward to another psychotic acceptance speech. He made the film. He was genuinely fantastic. I don't even know what else to say... When something is this good, you have to fight the urge to gush like a lunatic to avoid making a total knob of yourself. But all I can do is gush. The entire cast was amazing. From his dad, to Sugar Ray Leonard's cameo, to the sisters, to the police man.

When they broke his hand, I was so upset. It was genuinely a devastating moment. All he wanted to do was protect his brother and they brake his hand and arrest him. So tragic. And when he cried! I refuse, after this film in particular, to ever take abuse about Mark Wahlberg's acting ever again. He's Oscar nominated for Christ's sake! You cannot see this film and leave with the opinion that he cannot act. He can. And he can do it better than the entire cast of The Social Network, I'll tell you that for nothing. The thing I love about Mark Wahlberg is that he always plays the part down. It's probably why he hasn't won an Oscar, yet. But I love that about him. He doesn't try and oversell the character. He makes the character real. And I always think it's harder to play a character that is for all intents and purposes, 'normal'. I would never wish to take away from Christian Bale's performance, but he was playing a crack addict. There's stuff to work on there. When you're playing a normal guy, it's easier to make the character feel contrived and look like you're trying to hard. Can you tell I did AS Level Drama? But Micky felt very real. Bravo, Marky Mark!

It was funny, it was sad, it was tense. For his last fight, I was literally on the edge of my seat, telepathically willing him on to win. All I could think was, 'If he doesn't win, I'm walking out right now, I don't care what happened in real life, he has to win in the film.' I think I actually applauded. I was grinning from ear to ear.

Now The King's Speech is one hell of an uplifting film, from start to finish, but the overwhelming sense of redemption and relief and joy at the climax of this film, would beat The King's Speech to the ground any day. It would literally throw it to the floor and stamp on it. Triumph. Triumphant is a good way to describe it, in all sense of the word's meaning. I think that because it was real, and because Marky Mark was so passionate about it, and loved Micky and Dicky so much and the way it was directed, it felt as though they wanted to make the film to genuinely tell the story. And it's such a great story. And it was so realistic. Even the fighting, The fighting was unreal, actual fighting. And whilst at times I was screaming (in my head of course), 'No! Not his beautiful face! Get off his beautiful face!' it was totally necessary. It's obviously choreographed to ensure that they don't kill each other, but if it had been completely staged, a la WWE, then it would have ruined the whole film. Everything about it was authentic. Oh my God, I freakin' LOVED IT!

I am now going to become a boxer. Casual jab here, casual jab there. I think I'd be excellent.

There was only one thing that let it down. One thing. And I wasn't even going to mention it, but I'm going to. At the end, when they go to 'London' to fight that guy, Shea Neary. Yeah... That was... interesting. Liverpool's finest... I have no idea who or what the actor was trying to portray, but it was no Scouse Irishman. Perhaps a Scottish retard. I don't know. But his accent was beyond terrible. Just appalling. I do believe the phrase 'embarrassing for everyone involved' was used. Having said that, his speaking part was very small and Marky Mark beat the shit out of him anyway, so it was fine. Probably for ruining to film.

I think I have quite possibly made this film sound dreadful. But I can assure you that it is not. I can also guarantee that it is the best film I have seen so far this year, and I am desperate to see it again. My final guarantee is that the Academy will be receiving a particularly angry letter when they choose The Social Network, because it doesn't even begin to try and compare to the genius that is The Fighter.

Black Swan

Well I'm more mentally disturbed than I ever hoped to be.

Wow.

The hype around this film worked me into an unhealthy frenzy. It's been advertised for so long now that I actually didn't think they were ever going to release it in the UK, just keep teasing us with all the award nominations and rubbish trailers. I got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the best film I'd ever seen in my life. I then got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the most disappointing film I'd ever seen. I was disappointed, but I can't quite put my finger on why. All I know is that I'm scared of turning my light off to go to sleep...

The beginning was slow, and I feel like the audience was expected to understand all the context surrounding Natalie Portman's character, Nina, without explaining anything. I saw The Nutcracker at the Liverpool Empire when I was about 6 and all I remember is being bored because there were no songs. That is the extent of my ballet knowledge. Oh, and Swan Princess is an excellent film and was based on Swan Lake. You get my point. So it would have been nice to have had a bit of her and her ballet before all the mind scrambling began. It was very boring to start with. Although you always had a sense that something was building, or that something was about to happen at any second, even though it didn't. I think going in expecting that level of tension put me more on edge than if I had gone in knowing nothing about it. But I was far from prepared.

Do you know what? I think it could have been done better. I think that the story itself needed longer to be fully explained, it was all quite squashed into the time, and there were bits I found irrelevant and bits that I wished had been taking into more detail, but realistically, it made the point. And it was great. The constant sense of paranoia; terrifying and claustrophobic and I put most of that down to Natalie Portman's performance, which definitely deserved the Golden Globe, and if it doesn't earn her an Oscar, I will actually eat my hand. She was un-freakin-believable. Her dancing was unreal. Unbelievable. I'm sure if you're a professional dancer, it's probably laughable, but she total dedicated herself to the role. I actually want to be a ballerina, even though I'm pretty sure that's not what the film was going for. And I hate Natalie Portman! She's irritated me in every single thing I've ever seen her in. She will always be Queen Amidala from Star Wars to me. And she deserves to not win the Oscar for making that dreadful film with Ashton Kutcher... But, wow.

The ending was where it was all at for me. When she kept seeing herself in other people throughout the film, I thought it was a bit too melodramatic, but the end, where all she saw was Mila Kunis, and she thought she had killed her. UNFREAKINBELIEVABLE! I loved it. That was the best bit of the film. I wanted the whole thing to be like that. I felt like they were trying to make all the metaphors too obvious at the beginning. Her transferring her frustrations and hatred of herself onto other people, therefore she would she 'herself' everywhere. Naaaaahhhh, twas better the other way, where you actually thought Mila was dead! So much more dramatic, and much more powerful. The only other bit that messed me up like that did was the bit... I'm sorry, I'm scaring myself thinking about it, it's a good job RuPaul's Drag Race is on to bring me back to reality... the bit when she got home and went into the kitchen, washed her hands, left and turned out the light and then heard a voice... Turning the light back on she finds herself drenched in blood standing in a corner... TOO MUCH! NO! MAKE IT STOP! Fuck, there is no way I'm sleeping tonight. I'm way too on edge. I only wish the people upstairs would insist on playing Vietnamese cover versions of Joy Division all night like they did last night... That would relax me slightly...

There were aspects I found comical that definitely weren't meant to be comical. Winona Ryder in general, but particularly the bit where she started stabbing herself in the face with a nail file. It was reminiscent of the cinematic classic, Frankenstein, directed, AND starring Kenneth Branagh, where he creates a mate for the monster, and she ends up setting herself on fire and throwing herself down the stairs. Shouldn't be funny, but it is. It most definitely is.

Darren Aronofsky is clearly a genius. I love that the majority of it was hand held, it was grainy and dull. It made the paranoia, the anxiety all the more real. Which, in hindsight, I don't really appreciate. Thanks, Darren... I'll send you the bill for the sleeping pills. But it makes me all the more angry that he didn't win Best Director at the Globes, and that the film didn't win Best Picture. Having said that, The Social Network did not fill me with a terror so deep I may never be able to turn off the lights or look in mirrors ever again.

I love Vincet Cassel. He was great. That is all I have to say about him. Mila Kunis was also great, but not that great. The mum was amazing. I'm genuinely filled with terror every time I think about her face. God, she was so creepy. AND THE NAIL SCISSORS! Oh, Christ. I've not let my mum cut my nails since I was about 5. It's all about the emery board. On the rare occasions I've had manicures/pedicures, I have point blanc refused to have them actually cut my nails... Poor Natalie Portman. Tragic. AND THE RASH! When the rash rippled through her skin, I thought it was quite poor visually, but I like the idea behind it. The swan taking over her. Nice. And when she finally 'grew' the feathers on stage, that was amazing. I feel like even though some things were physically portrayed too obviously, they made her fall into madness easy to follow. Although it was confusing, I never felt lost. I liked that. I feel cultured rather than stupid.

I don't really know what else to say. The ending made all the bits that annoyed me about it, or bits that I thought could have been better obsolete. It was the most phenomenal ending to the film. It was perfect. The more I think about it, the more breathtaking it actually was... So good! It's worth watching just for the end. Honestly. All I can add is this: Fuck you Golden Globes! The Academy know where it's at. Darren Aronofsky is going to physically destroy David Fincher and his average attempt at film making. However, I have yet to see The Fighter, so I'll let you know who's going to win best film...

Golden Globes 2011

If the Academy thought they had it coming, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association have no idea what's about the hit them...


After numerous occasions on which I have sat myself down, filled with rage, to write a vicious letter of complaint to the Academy in regards to the fact that Leonardo DiCaprio is the greatest living actor of our generation and they need to wake up and recognise it before I fly first class to Los Angeles, smash the place up, and then make them pay my travel expenses, I have never been so close to actually completing one as I was last night.


Here is my issue: The Social Network. I was perfectly OK with the other winners. I guessed Christian Bale would win Best Supporting Actor, I was delighted for Colin Firth, who I adore, even though he's older than my dad and despite the fact that I would have loved Mark Wahlberg to win purely based on his sheer gorgeousness and a long lasting loyalty to my childhood obsession that involved a rather inappropriate Marky Mark lunchbox, because he deserved it! Colin deserved that award. The Social Network was not deserving.


I take that back. The only award they should have won was Best Screenplay, which Aaron Sorkin, hero that he is, did win. Great. I'm so pleased. He nailed his speech and everything. But let's be realistic. Best Director? Best Picture? Are they being serious? Or are they doing it specifically to piss me off? Because it's worked...


Best Director. Erm... I don't know. I've not seen Black Swan yet, but I can tell, even just from the trailer, that it is shot better, that the artistic direction is better. The Fighter, again, not seen it, but it looks edgy and rough and made in a way that supports the film's narrative. The King's Speech! It was an easy option! You could have just handed them the award at the beginning and people would have been pleased. INCEPTION!? HAVE YOU LOST ALL REASONING HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN PRESS ASSOCIATION?! I THINK YOU MUST HAVE! Dear God! Christopher Nolan is a genius anyway, but Inception!? It's lunacy. How anyone could say that the direction of The Social Network is even comparable to that of Inception makes me physically angry. I'm genuinely shaking with rage as I type ferociously. You owe me a new computer, idiots. Realistically, I could have directed that film. Shot of Jesse Eisenberg. Shot of Andrew Garfield. More shots of Andrew Garfield because he is adorable. Another shot of Jesse Eisenberg. Shot of Justin, lead singer of popular boyband 'N Sync. It's not rocket science. It's not like it was a visual masterpiece, or even innovative in any way. 'Oh, Justin. Justin stand here, Jesse, you stand opposite and we'll get a shot of you two talking. Just act natural. Crew, make sure the cameras are on. Aaaaannnnd... ACTION!' Nonsense.


AND BEST PICTURE?! Oh my God, I've never been so close to suicide. How, how, how and why? Honestly. They may as well have given the award to me for all it's worth. I seem to recall loving it, but specifically noting that it was not Oscar worthy/ award worthy and the majority of what I remember appears to either be about how attractive Andrew Garfield is or Justin Timberlake's hair. In fact, in a piece entitled, 'I Didn't Realise Justin Timberlake Had Rejoined 'N Sync' this is what I said:


'Slash, I'm not having all this 'Oscar buzz'. The performances were great, Eisenberg and Garfield were fantastic and played the emotion, or lack there of, involved brilliantly. But truthfully, the only Oscar deserved would be for Aaron Sorkin, who made something with little to no plot so cleverly and subtly hilarious.'


Case closed. I also happened to say: 


'I'm sure Sean Parker was that much of a dick, but I'm also pretty sure that Justin actually based his performance on his 15year-old self. Or at least his hair. I didn't know frosted tips were back! And the amount of make-up they put on his face, arghhh! Not cute. He was, unfortunately, the worst thing about the movie. You know what, maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe his performance was just so accurate, I'm assuming he himself... No. I can't even finish that sentence. Listen, JT. FutureSex/LoveSounds came out about 12 years ago and I'm still waiting for the next album. Why don't you 'take a break' from 'acting' and lay down some beats?!'


Must I go on? I think not. I'm mainly enraged because Awards Season is my favourite time of year, and people are insistent upon ruining that. I stayed up until 4am watching it, knowing that I had to be up at 8am to see the worst film nominated in the category to win. The Fighter? The King's Speech? Black Swan? INCEPTION?! I can't even go on talking about it, it's far too distressing. I'm starting to think this is some sort of conspiracy against Leonardo DiCaprio and everything he's in. Bastards. Just, watch out Hollywood Foreign Press Association, you better believe I'm watching you...


If you would like to read what else I said about The Social Network, follow this link:
http://imissbrookside.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-didnt-realise-justin-timberlake-had.html


I would also, before I depart and try to calm myself down, like to take the time to acknowledge a few others that may have been forgotten:

• Christian Bale for being a genuine psycho, which I thoroughly enjoy. I so much admire his determination to finish that poor and boring speech even when they started the music and introduced the next presenters.
• Andrew Garfield tripping over his words when reading the autocue made me want to cry, it was so adorable. I felt so sorry for him. Bless... 
• However, when Justin Drew Bieber messed up his lines, I sat there thinking, 'God, that poor boy needs a better teacher.' Probably true. But he was fabulous of course, as Bieber always is, in his little (literally) three piece suit and messy hair. 
• Matt Damon for looking divine constantly, sat at the front table next to De Niro, hanging out, casually.
• Robert De Niro, for being slightly racist and not as funny as he thought he was but still excellent. I most enjoyed the fact that everyone felt obliged to laugh, as though he was going to set his mob on them.
• Last but not least, Robert Downey Jr, my hero, my icon, Iron Man. So fantastically inappropriate, yet still painfully attractive and hilarious. No other man on earth could get away with saying what he says and maintain his cool. Genius.

I've just remembered that Glee is tonight. Which reminds me that Lea Michele is an idiot, and her fake tears when Chris Colfer won Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series were noted and will be used against her at numerous points throughout her life and also mine.

I didn't realise Justin Timberlake had rejoined N Sync...

The issue with films made about real life events is that we already know what's going to happen. And, unfortunately for director, David Fincher, the story of Facebook is actually quite dull. Luckily for David Fincher, Aaron Sorkin is a freakin' genius. Last night I went to see The Social Network.

The main thing that bothered me is that it made me feel stupid. I get that Mark Zuckerberg is some sort of computer/math whizzkid with a stupid name, but I am a lowly student of the word and media, and therefore had no idea what the hell they were talking about a lot of the time. Algorithm was probably the only word I caught onto and that's only because I taught myself Rubix Cube from YouTube (I didn't even mean for that to rhyme - skills) and to do that you have to use 'algorithms'. Slash, I now wish that I could do coding; coding sounds cool. I like codes.

Here is what I have learnt from seeing The Social Network:

• Mark Zuckerberg is a tool - Obviously, there was acting involved, artistic license and all that but I'm pretty sure he is a giant tool. At times, I wanted to hug him. I don't like people being outcast, unless they totally deserve it of course, and at the beginning of the film, and a little towards the end, I felt sorry for him. Jesse Eisenberg has a slight Seth Cohen-esq manner when playing Zuckerberg, who I will now refer to as Goldberg because it's not as stupid and it reminds me of the Might Ducks. You know, you get that feeling that you want to help him not be such a dick but you know he's going to mess things up with his friends regardless. I still don't know if I actually quite like him, or if I just like Jesse Eisenberg. I think the latter. Goldberg seems to be one of those people that's so clever that he just can't interact with people, he's so intellectually above them, which makes the whole concept of Facebook itself amazingly ironic. It killed me that he just wanted to have friends, be popular for once. And I mean, it was funny when he was blunt with the lawyers, it was funny with his enemies, but when it came to Sean Parker, it was like, NOOOOOOOOOO! Which brings me nicely onto...
• Justin Timberlake cannot act - I love JT, he's a great singer, a great dancer, and he looks pretty a lot of the time, but let's be serious. I'm sure Sean Parker was that much of a dick, but I'm also pretty sure that Justin actually based his performance on his 15year-old self. Or at least his hair. I didn't know frosted tips were back! And the amount of make-up they put on his face, arghhh! Not cute. He was, unfortunately, the worst thing about the movie. You know what, maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe his performance was just so accurate, I'm assuming he himself... No. I can't even finish that sentence. Listen, JT. FutureSex/LoveSounds came out about 12 years ago and I'm still waiting for the next album. Why don't you 'take a break' from 'acting' and lay down some beats?!
• Andrew Garfield is a babe - Oh my God, he is so cute. He reminds me of someone or something, perhaps a small woodland creature of sorts, but he is so adorable. And can I just say, black on black is a great look for him. Loves it. I don't think I have ever felt so sorry for anyone in my entire life. All I wanted to know at the end was if they made friends again, and I was left clueless. I'm going to assume they still aren't friends, and you know what, Eduardo is well to good for Goldberg. You don't try and sell out your friends tool! He tried so hard and looked so cute and it broke my heart when he cried! "I was your only friend..." OH MY GOD! HEARTBREAKING! It was just so sad when at the end, when Eduardo was having a go at Goldberg for telling his lawyers that he was charged with animal cruelty, and it turned out that he didn't! JUST BE FRIENDS! Slash, I'm sure the real Eduardo is totally over it and currently rolling around in a big pile of cash inside a room made of cash inside his house made of cold hard cash. Good.

I swear I read somewhere that neither Jesse Eisenberg or someone else never actually met the people they were to portray on screen. That seems weird to me, and if I were Goldberg, I would totally want to cash in on the film. But apparently, he's too big to be dealing with things like this. Tool. It must be so weird to have a movie made about the biggest event in your life without you having a say. Crazy. 

Slash, I'm not having all this 'Oscar buzz'. The performances were great, Eisenberg and Garfield were fantastic and played the emotion, or lack there of, involved brilliantly. But truthfully, the only Oscar deserved would be for Aaron Sorkin, who made something with little to no plot so cleverly and subtly hilarious, and made it seem real. I know it is real, I'm not a retard, but something like inventing Facebook and becoming the youngest billionaire in the world ever is just so unthinkable to most people that the story could easily have been a work of complete and utter fantasy. But the characters speak like we speak. I actually leant over to my friend and screamed, "THEY SPEAK LIKE WE SPEAK!" It was so dry and witty. Witty is the perfect word. Well done Aaron. 

I'm sorry, I don't quite feel satisfied with what I've said about Justin Timberlake. Does anyone understand what I mean? I just can't quite put my finger on why I can't take him seriously as an actor, and then he shows up with that hair! I know that Sean Parker actually has hair like that (well, I do now thanks to Google Images) but I think it was just the fact that circa 1999, JT actually had hair like that too. It was genuinely like some sort of Facebook/N Sync crossover, much like a Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice, Buffy/Angel kinda thing. Who knew Mark Zuckerberg was such a fan of 90s mainstream pop? I certainly didn't.