Oh dear God. Could more have possibly gone wrong? I don't think so. I always seem to think that the Baftas will be a classy affair, typically English, sophisticated, elegant. I am always, always wrong. It was shambolic to the point of complete humiliation on an international scale.
I don't know what was worse; the fact that The Social Network was even tolerated as an award worthy film on my home turf or Emma Watson being there in general. I'm going to completely bipass the fact that The Fighter wasn't even nominated for Best Film... Although there was the occasional saving grace; casual Dev Patel here, casual Dev Patel there, Andrew Garfield in general, JK Rowling's interesting choice of attire, Colin Firth. Oh, Col...
Right! Let us try and do this as chronologically as possible without getting distracted. Helena Bonham Carter is such a hero. Absolutely hilarious. I'm so glad the creepy mum from Black Swan didn't win. I only had to see her face to know that there is no way in hell I'm getting a decent night's sleep tonight.
Question. Who invited Jessica Alba and Neve Campbell? Why are were they there? I'm pretty sure neither of them have been in anything since 2002 at the latest. Not anything that didn't go direct to DVD anyway. And also, why was Kieran Culkin there? Now, I love me a Culkin, and they do have a sneaky habit of appearing in the most unlikely of places at the most unlikely of times. I'm assuming he's dating Emma Stone as they were sat together and that is the only conceivable explanation of why he was in attendance. Unless he just turned up for jokes. Typical Culkins. Slash, as much as I was enjoying the idea of a Culkin using their cult status to geg into the Baftas, it turns out he is dating Emma Stone. Disappointing on so many levels. Well, not really... Mainly just the one... STOP DISTRACTING ME CULKINS!
Screw the chronology. I'll just try and remember. Oh, Colin. Colin, Colin, Colin. He has a way of making me cry by just speaking. It's actually completely absurd and ludicrous, but he's just so damn cute and articulate and eloquent and fabulous and oh my God, when he thanked his mum and dad, I lost it. I was anticipating something much worse. Something tragic about how much he loves his wife. Thankfully, he was kind and restrained himself. I welled up when he thanked Tom Ford for God's sake. Oh, Colin. I applaud you and your greatness.
And suck it Social Network! In England we appreciate films that actually deserve it. The King's Speech is much more deserving of winning Best Film than The Social Network and we all know it. Well, the Oscars probably don't know it, but I refuse to listen to anything they say until they've sorted Leo out with his award. What's tragic is, is that I really did like The Social Network, but it's gotten to the stage now where it has won so many undeserved awards that I cannot actually physically handle any more. Although watching Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg accept the award on behalf of the painfully underserving David Fincher was beyond adorable. They were so nervous bless them. But doesn't he look lovely in a suit?!
The flow to this is becoming so disjointed that I'm going to have to take this opportunity to apologise, but I need to express my anger about the Harry Potter people before I explode. When I say Harry Potter people, what I really mean is Emma Watson, who tonight was giving Lea Michele a run for her money. YOU'RE PRESENTING AN AWARD FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER! WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING TO CRY/BE SO OVERWHELMED YOU CANNOT SPEAK FOR WELLING UP!? Moron. At least her dress was hideous. She winds me up to the point where I hope they kill Hermione off as a shock twist in the last film. I find it quite hard to believe that JK (I can call her that, we're mates) is as proud as she is claiming to be of the films. She's probably just proud of all the money they've made her, because if we're being honest with ourselves, save for Lucius Malfoy and a casual bit of Gary Oldman, they're pretty terrible and completely irrelevant to the books. But it would appear JK was wearing some sort of drapey snakeskin print, so she's clearly lost her mind. The best thing about the whole Harry Potter at the Bafta's saga was hands down Stephen Fry. Was it me, or was he the tiniest bit drunk? It can't just be me. He was slurring his words, calling people by the wrong name, swaying slightly. Excellent. Well done, Stephen.
Oh! And thinking of more disasters, what was going on with Rosamond Pike? "Oh, the autocue's gone, I'm sorry. Yes, the original screenplay is very important... It's very important because... You see, as actors we need a good original screenplay..." Enter Dominic Cooper, who's only response was, "Help me get off stage." Oh dear God. And then going to announce the winner before the nominations had even been read out. Jesus Christ. It's not even really live, I don't understand how they could have allowed all that nonsense into the edit. I know they don't have much time, but they had no issue cutting off Mr King's Speech Screenwriter off mid flow with a casual cut to the audience. Terrible. He was so adorable coming to think of it.
Oh my God. The saddest of them all, Sir Christopher Lee. Bless him! I love him. When he walked on, it literally killed me. With his little cane and his little shuffley feet. I literally lost my mind. And it clearly meant so much to him, although it did give Emma Watson yet another excuse to bring out the crocodile tears. She probably doesn't even know who he is. I can't deal with old people. It's too tragic. He was so lovely and eloquent but still, so tragic.
So, overall, it was so poorly put on. I mean, how hard is it to make sure the autocue is going to work? People do it every freakin' day! No wonder most of the nominees don't even bother to show up to the Baftas any more. They clearly have no relevance to the rest of award's season. Although they deserve snaps for giving The King's Speech so many over the film that has become the bane of my life despite the fact I loved it. Oh, such a conflict between heart and mind...
Showing posts with label Harry Potter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Harry Potter. Show all posts
Monday, 14 February 2011
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Better late than never
So I realise that I have not written/complained about the X Factor final. This is for several reasons. I have been in a foreign land, but also, I don't actually think I have come to terms with the result. Let's be realistic, One Direction should have won. I have loved Matt from the beginning though, and I did say he would win in the end. But... I also said that One Direction would nail it. And they did.
I'm not going to describe every last detail and judge everyone, because it took place about 25 years ago and everyone is over it now. Except me. I watched the final on YouTube, which was anti climatic to say the least. I also had the result ruined for me by a once so called 'friend' who I am now no longer speaking to. Friends don't ruin the X Factor result. Anyhow, I have just watched the whole thing on the good ol' Sky+ and have come to the conclusion that not only should One Direction have won, but Matt certainly shouldn't have won, purely based on those yellow trousers. He should have been sent to Azkaban for that outfit. Maybe he was Imperiused...
I am beside myself with grief. Grief that will last forever more. Or at least until One Direction release their first single. I cannot believe that their winners' single would have been Forever Young. This would appear to be to be a sign that they should have won and also be my best friends as this was Ryan and Marissa's song in The OC. Coincidence? I think not. I think Simon realised that I would be hunting to kill once he didn't get Bieber and had to do something to stop me coming after him. It worked. I just wish that they had the opportunity to release it. Rebecca's was abysmal. Just awful. Matt's could have been better too. Having said that, Simon also managed to put Bieber in the background of their 'best bits' montage. I took it as a nod to me personally for my support. You're most welcome, Simon.
At least now, I suppose, I can try and reforge my life. Although it will be hard carrying this devastation around with me. I'll be like the Ancient Mariner with his albatross of guilt, but mine will be a necklace of 5 Biebers, each with tears in their eyes, dragging me down and reminding me of my betrayal of not staying in the country to vote for them. How the weight haunts me of my sin.
Farewell X Factor. Farewell Justin Bieber Boyband. I look forward to our next encounter, but 'til then, I bid you good day.
DISCLAIMER: I did have votes cast for One Direction on my behalf. The issue was that the person issuing these votes on my behalf stabbed me in the back by also voting for Matt. If I had been in England, One Direction would have won. For this, I am eternally apologetic. Please refer to my section on the Ancient Mariner for further understanding of this guilt.
I'm not going to describe every last detail and judge everyone, because it took place about 25 years ago and everyone is over it now. Except me. I watched the final on YouTube, which was anti climatic to say the least. I also had the result ruined for me by a once so called 'friend' who I am now no longer speaking to. Friends don't ruin the X Factor result. Anyhow, I have just watched the whole thing on the good ol' Sky+ and have come to the conclusion that not only should One Direction have won, but Matt certainly shouldn't have won, purely based on those yellow trousers. He should have been sent to Azkaban for that outfit. Maybe he was Imperiused...
I am beside myself with grief. Grief that will last forever more. Or at least until One Direction release their first single. I cannot believe that their winners' single would have been Forever Young. This would appear to be to be a sign that they should have won and also be my best friends as this was Ryan and Marissa's song in The OC. Coincidence? I think not. I think Simon realised that I would be hunting to kill once he didn't get Bieber and had to do something to stop me coming after him. It worked. I just wish that they had the opportunity to release it. Rebecca's was abysmal. Just awful. Matt's could have been better too. Having said that, Simon also managed to put Bieber in the background of their 'best bits' montage. I took it as a nod to me personally for my support. You're most welcome, Simon.
At least now, I suppose, I can try and reforge my life. Although it will be hard carrying this devastation around with me. I'll be like the Ancient Mariner with his albatross of guilt, but mine will be a necklace of 5 Biebers, each with tears in their eyes, dragging me down and reminding me of my betrayal of not staying in the country to vote for them. How the weight haunts me of my sin.
Farewell X Factor. Farewell Justin Bieber Boyband. I look forward to our next encounter, but 'til then, I bid you good day.
DISCLAIMER: I did have votes cast for One Direction on my behalf. The issue was that the person issuing these votes on my behalf stabbed me in the back by also voting for Matt. If I had been in England, One Direction would have won. For this, I am eternally apologetic. Please refer to my section on the Ancient Mariner for further understanding of this guilt.
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
OH. MY. GOD.
I love Harry Potter. I always have. Yet, I have always taken great issue with the films. Normally, I would list a number of reasons as to why I hate something, but for this, it has always been simple: they don't follow the books. At all. I mean, I think for the Half Blood Prince, they just made up their own story as they went along. I failed to see any resemblance to the book, which coincidentally is my favourite out of the lot of them. Snape is my hero.
But this one was amazing.
The most tragic thing about the films is that because they had to cast the actors at such a young age, they had no idea that Daniel Radcliffe wouldn't grow past 4 foot 3 and that he would gradually become uglier and uglier until looking at his face became too painful for the human eye, they didn't know Rupert Grint would end up struggling with his weight, they didn't know Emma Watson was going to act the rest of the films using only her eyebrows and become the abomination to acting that she is today. And so, I let them off. I say this as I am currently watching the Philosopher's Stone and although I spent the majority of my childhood filled with a constant rage that boiled inside of me every waking second of the day due to my hatred for the principal cast, I now find myself more irritated by them now than I find them in the earlier films. The Deathly Hallows in particular requires actual emotion to be portrayed, and although they did a semi-decent job, it bewilders me that for the most iconic characters of our generation, the worst actors are playing them. But let's move onto the actual film.
At this stage, I would usually issue some sort of spoiler warning, but even if you haven't seen the film yet, you should know what happens. If you don't, that means that you have never read the book, and therefore I banish you from ever reading this blog again, ever. You disgust me.
My expectations were so low after the destruction of my favourite book that I had prepared myself for the worst. Of course, this didn't stop me getting so over excited that I booked my tickets 4 weeks in advance, picked them up a week early to avoid the queues and then proceed, on the day of its release, to spend hours drawing the Dark Mark on my arm, crafting a Slytherin badge and casting spells on those I saw unfit using my replica Snape wand. That's right, I'm team Voldemort. Actually, I'm more Team Lucius Malfoy, but his team is Voldemort so I follow along.
As the music started, there were squeals all round from my Harry Potter loving companions, but sadly, the classic 'Do do do do do doo doooooo do, do do do do, do dooooooo' lasted all of about 0.53 seconds. First disappointment. But I didn't care. I knew that after waiting a considerable number of years, I'd get to see Malfoy Manor, and that scene was amazing. I am having difficulty trying to understand why The Dark Lord has started speaking in such a calm civilised manner. Not as scary as he used to be... I mean, when he's on the back of Quirrell's head in the first one. Oh my God, that still fills me with terror. But still, amazing. And Lucius Malfoy was amazing. I know Azkaban was meant to fuck him up, but wow. Loved it. What a hero.
It really didn't feel like two and a half hours. It zoomed by. I think it was because I knew where they were going to end it, and so the further they got through the book, the sooner I knew the end was coming and that I would have to wait a ludicrous amount of time before I would get any sort of closure. They say it's to cause excitement, I think it's going to land me in therapy, but whatever.
I don't really know what to say, other than it was really well done. For once. I loved Rhys Ifans, I loved Bill Nighy, I loved Bill Weasley (I did not love the fact that they had to quickly drop in that he had his face ripped off by a werewolf because they were too stupid to put it in the last film), I loved Snape. I loved it all. I loved the animation when they told the tale of the Three Brothers. I did not love Emma Watson's voice over.
The only thing I had a major problem with, apart from the script (but I always have an issue with the script) was the way the story progressed. There was no natural flow like in the book. It was sort of pieced together in bits that the studio obviously classed as 'important to the story'. They were on a cliff, then there was a scenery shot, then they were all of a sudden in a forest, another scenery shot. It was very uninspiring, not very magical. There wasn't enough magic. The others, even though they are so much more lighthearted had a sense of magic throughout. The kind of feeling you get on Christmas Eve. None of that.
Now, back to slagging off the actors. I paid a good chunk of cash to see that film, and I did not pay to see Daniel Radcliffe dance. I was actually having body spasms I was cringing that hard. It actually hurt my body. Errrrgggh! It was painful. I know he's probably taking the piss out of himself and he's in on the joke blah blah blah, but no! Please don't ever make me see something like that ever ever again. Not cool. And the bit where Harry opens the horcrux so Ron can kill it with the sword of Gryffindor and Ron sees Harry and Hermione kissing! Apart from the fact that they were obviously taking a leaf out of the Twilight Book of Bollocks and made them both pale and shiny, why, oh why, did they both have to be naked?! I have never been so repulsed in my entire life. That image will be scarred onto my retina for the rest of time. So foul, so unnecessary. Slash, if Daniel Radcliffe is going to get naked so often, don't you think you should send him to the gym, or at least give him a light fake tan. There was nothing attractive about that visual. Nothing AT ALL. Instead I feel dirty. Gross.
And I know that Michael Gambon is a well famous actor and all that, but how did he get such a high credit when he was in the film for all of a second. And all he did was lie down with his eyes closed. I could have done that and you wouldn't have even had to credit me for it. I can look like Dumbledore if you give me a beard and a wig. Ludicrous.
The two best moments of the film were the sad ones. I really didn't think I'd find it sad because Radcliffe and Arrogant Bitch are so devoid of emotion it hurts, but when they went back to Godric's Hollow and went to the graveyard, I actually sobbed. So tragic. He was actually really good in that bit, I felt for him. "Merry Christmas, Hermione." Oh. My. God. Too sad. And Dobby! Oh, God! Dobby! I can't fucking stand that annoying creature, he's way too much like Jar Jar Binx for my liking, but when he was dying in Harry's arms and he kept going on about how happy he was because he was surrounded by his friends and how nice it is to have friends because he's never had friends before....! Just so sad! One of my fellow Death Eaters said to me, "Are you finding it so sad because you can relate?" I didn't take that kindly.
Dobby actually provided some serious comic relief in a really intense film which was greatly appreciated. When he apparated into the cellar of Malfoy Manor, and Harry, being the idiot he is was like, "Dobby, can you apparate in and out of this cellar?" and Dobby just went, "I'm an elf." Bitch please! OF COURSE HE CAN APPARATE INTO THE CELLAR! Classic.
One of the most underwhelming scenes was the one where Bellatrix was torturing Hermione. I was really looking forward to that for obvious reasons, but felt betrayed. She wasn't tortured enough. I watched the live streaming of the premiere on YouTube and Emma Watson was going on about how clever and amazing she is and how she and "Helena" came up with this really good idea that wasn't in the script that Bellatrix would carve 'mudblood' into Hermione's arm and all the production loved it and thought she was a genius and that she should be made Queen of the World. Firstly, please refer to Helena Bonham Carter with a bit more respect and apart from this story clearly being a load of bollocks, I actually thought it was quite a good idea, but was greatly disappointed to see that she had carved 'mudblood' as though she was a Borrower. I was expecting it to be the full arm, not written in between the lines of an exercise book. Idiot.
Bellatrix was amazing, but that is just a given. As was Draco. I feel sorry for Tom Felton, I feel like he's the best actor of the child lot and no one really cares. I care, Tom. You and your weird shaped head were great.
All I could think though, all the way through, was WHY DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!? Emma Watson is clearly an idiot. Her hair was so nice and now she looks like a child whose blind father cut her hair.
What else? I don't know. I want to see it again now. I never want it to end. Roll on July...
I love Harry Potter. I always have. Yet, I have always taken great issue with the films. Normally, I would list a number of reasons as to why I hate something, but for this, it has always been simple: they don't follow the books. At all. I mean, I think for the Half Blood Prince, they just made up their own story as they went along. I failed to see any resemblance to the book, which coincidentally is my favourite out of the lot of them. Snape is my hero.
But this one was amazing.
The most tragic thing about the films is that because they had to cast the actors at such a young age, they had no idea that Daniel Radcliffe wouldn't grow past 4 foot 3 and that he would gradually become uglier and uglier until looking at his face became too painful for the human eye, they didn't know Rupert Grint would end up struggling with his weight, they didn't know Emma Watson was going to act the rest of the films using only her eyebrows and become the abomination to acting that she is today. And so, I let them off. I say this as I am currently watching the Philosopher's Stone and although I spent the majority of my childhood filled with a constant rage that boiled inside of me every waking second of the day due to my hatred for the principal cast, I now find myself more irritated by them now than I find them in the earlier films. The Deathly Hallows in particular requires actual emotion to be portrayed, and although they did a semi-decent job, it bewilders me that for the most iconic characters of our generation, the worst actors are playing them. But let's move onto the actual film.
At this stage, I would usually issue some sort of spoiler warning, but even if you haven't seen the film yet, you should know what happens. If you don't, that means that you have never read the book, and therefore I banish you from ever reading this blog again, ever. You disgust me.
My expectations were so low after the destruction of my favourite book that I had prepared myself for the worst. Of course, this didn't stop me getting so over excited that I booked my tickets 4 weeks in advance, picked them up a week early to avoid the queues and then proceed, on the day of its release, to spend hours drawing the Dark Mark on my arm, crafting a Slytherin badge and casting spells on those I saw unfit using my replica Snape wand. That's right, I'm team Voldemort. Actually, I'm more Team Lucius Malfoy, but his team is Voldemort so I follow along.
As the music started, there were squeals all round from my Harry Potter loving companions, but sadly, the classic 'Do do do do do doo doooooo do, do do do do, do dooooooo' lasted all of about 0.53 seconds. First disappointment. But I didn't care. I knew that after waiting a considerable number of years, I'd get to see Malfoy Manor, and that scene was amazing. I am having difficulty trying to understand why The Dark Lord has started speaking in such a calm civilised manner. Not as scary as he used to be... I mean, when he's on the back of Quirrell's head in the first one. Oh my God, that still fills me with terror. But still, amazing. And Lucius Malfoy was amazing. I know Azkaban was meant to fuck him up, but wow. Loved it. What a hero.
It really didn't feel like two and a half hours. It zoomed by. I think it was because I knew where they were going to end it, and so the further they got through the book, the sooner I knew the end was coming and that I would have to wait a ludicrous amount of time before I would get any sort of closure. They say it's to cause excitement, I think it's going to land me in therapy, but whatever.
I don't really know what to say, other than it was really well done. For once. I loved Rhys Ifans, I loved Bill Nighy, I loved Bill Weasley (I did not love the fact that they had to quickly drop in that he had his face ripped off by a werewolf because they were too stupid to put it in the last film), I loved Snape. I loved it all. I loved the animation when they told the tale of the Three Brothers. I did not love Emma Watson's voice over.
The only thing I had a major problem with, apart from the script (but I always have an issue with the script) was the way the story progressed. There was no natural flow like in the book. It was sort of pieced together in bits that the studio obviously classed as 'important to the story'. They were on a cliff, then there was a scenery shot, then they were all of a sudden in a forest, another scenery shot. It was very uninspiring, not very magical. There wasn't enough magic. The others, even though they are so much more lighthearted had a sense of magic throughout. The kind of feeling you get on Christmas Eve. None of that.
Now, back to slagging off the actors. I paid a good chunk of cash to see that film, and I did not pay to see Daniel Radcliffe dance. I was actually having body spasms I was cringing that hard. It actually hurt my body. Errrrgggh! It was painful. I know he's probably taking the piss out of himself and he's in on the joke blah blah blah, but no! Please don't ever make me see something like that ever ever again. Not cool. And the bit where Harry opens the horcrux so Ron can kill it with the sword of Gryffindor and Ron sees Harry and Hermione kissing! Apart from the fact that they were obviously taking a leaf out of the Twilight Book of Bollocks and made them both pale and shiny, why, oh why, did they both have to be naked?! I have never been so repulsed in my entire life. That image will be scarred onto my retina for the rest of time. So foul, so unnecessary. Slash, if Daniel Radcliffe is going to get naked so often, don't you think you should send him to the gym, or at least give him a light fake tan. There was nothing attractive about that visual. Nothing AT ALL. Instead I feel dirty. Gross.
And I know that Michael Gambon is a well famous actor and all that, but how did he get such a high credit when he was in the film for all of a second. And all he did was lie down with his eyes closed. I could have done that and you wouldn't have even had to credit me for it. I can look like Dumbledore if you give me a beard and a wig. Ludicrous.
The two best moments of the film were the sad ones. I really didn't think I'd find it sad because Radcliffe and Arrogant Bitch are so devoid of emotion it hurts, but when they went back to Godric's Hollow and went to the graveyard, I actually sobbed. So tragic. He was actually really good in that bit, I felt for him. "Merry Christmas, Hermione." Oh. My. God. Too sad. And Dobby! Oh, God! Dobby! I can't fucking stand that annoying creature, he's way too much like Jar Jar Binx for my liking, but when he was dying in Harry's arms and he kept going on about how happy he was because he was surrounded by his friends and how nice it is to have friends because he's never had friends before....! Just so sad! One of my fellow Death Eaters said to me, "Are you finding it so sad because you can relate?" I didn't take that kindly.
Dobby actually provided some serious comic relief in a really intense film which was greatly appreciated. When he apparated into the cellar of Malfoy Manor, and Harry, being the idiot he is was like, "Dobby, can you apparate in and out of this cellar?" and Dobby just went, "I'm an elf." Bitch please! OF COURSE HE CAN APPARATE INTO THE CELLAR! Classic.
One of the most underwhelming scenes was the one where Bellatrix was torturing Hermione. I was really looking forward to that for obvious reasons, but felt betrayed. She wasn't tortured enough. I watched the live streaming of the premiere on YouTube and Emma Watson was going on about how clever and amazing she is and how she and "Helena" came up with this really good idea that wasn't in the script that Bellatrix would carve 'mudblood' into Hermione's arm and all the production loved it and thought she was a genius and that she should be made Queen of the World. Firstly, please refer to Helena Bonham Carter with a bit more respect and apart from this story clearly being a load of bollocks, I actually thought it was quite a good idea, but was greatly disappointed to see that she had carved 'mudblood' as though she was a Borrower. I was expecting it to be the full arm, not written in between the lines of an exercise book. Idiot.
Bellatrix was amazing, but that is just a given. As was Draco. I feel sorry for Tom Felton, I feel like he's the best actor of the child lot and no one really cares. I care, Tom. You and your weird shaped head were great.
All I could think though, all the way through, was WHY DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!? Emma Watson is clearly an idiot. Her hair was so nice and now she looks like a child whose blind father cut her hair.
What else? I don't know. I want to see it again now. I never want it to end. Roll on July...
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Gegheads go Global
So I haven't blogged in about seven million years, mainly because after weeks of having something to spur my rage on a Monday, I find myself One Tree Hill-less and therefore uninspired. However, after missing Gossip Girl on Wednesday, I proceeded to catch up with it on Thursday, and my, oh my, do I have something to say...
But first things first; Justin Bieber Boyband rule all. Elton John week should surely be a week of excellence, after all, it's Queen Elton John III, Commander of the Globe. But alas. Jazzy Jeff managed to crucify a song that technically he should have been good at. Slash, Brandon Flowers rocked the pink blazer way back in 2004, he got stick for it then and his was Dior Homme not Primark and he was (and is) human perfection not a big fatty fatty fat fatkins. Traget Pajet went to lunch with David Suchet... Hmmm, rhymes... Erm... No. My point was this, he was alright, not great, but when Cheryl went, "That's not a song that I'm familiar with," I actually wanted to die. Don't admit on national television that you are not familiar with one of the most famous songs in the world. 'Crocodile Rock' is a classic, love. Oh, the shame...
Everyone else was average, even Matt and Rebecca. Matt should have sung 'Your Song' and even though Rebecca sounded amazing and looked amazing, 'Candle in the Wind' is quite possibly the most depressingly annoying song in the history of all time. She was wasted on it. But she quickly redeemed herself by using the term 'gegging'. Now for those of you who are not from Merseyside like yours truly, to geg is to put oneself in a situation in which they shouldn't really be. Allow me to contextualise. My friend was invited to a party, but she didn't want to go alone and so asked me to go with her even though I didn't know anyone and wasn't invited myself. I therefore felt as though I was 'gegging in' on the party. I was a 'geghead'. Rebecca felt as though she was 'gegging in' on the Harry Potter premiere. It's kind of like gatecrashing a suppose, but it was just excellent to hear a term I frequently use and am responded to in complete and utter confusion expressed on such a public platform. Prepare for gegging to go global.
I'm going to move swiftly away from the Harry Potter premiere as I had myself intended to go, wand in hand, but being the genius I am, managed to mix my days up. Missing my true loves; Curly Bieber, Asian Bieber and McFly... Not cool. But back to One Direction. THEY NAILED IT. Best performance of theirs by far, and easily the best performance of the night, hands down.
Xtra Factor was of course a total treat. Konnie is really starting to wind me up. Yes, I know I've been going on about how much she irritates me for the past few weeks, but tonight she really got me riled. "I thought Paije was really good last week, but actually, I'm not allowed to give an opinion, so just forget what I just said." Erm... You are clearly insane. What are you talking about? How are you still allowed to be doing this show? I don't ever remember you having this much trouble on Blue Peter. But the worst part was when she was sat with two members of McFly either side of her. I don't think I've ever seen an interviewer ever be so obliviously rude. Every time Danny started to voice an opinion, she would interrupt and turn her back to him to speak to Harry or Tom. Slash, Konnie, you're married and they have girlfriends, and are mine, hands off. Oh my God, I just remembered: "Everybody wants a bit of Zain". Or was it, "I'd like a bit of Zain" or something equally as inappropriate to that effect. Oh dear. McFly were hilarious though, as expected. And they want the Bieber Boyband to win. Applause.
Wagner or Katie will go I think, but I've been wrong every time so who knows/cares.
Gossip Girl. It was excellent; it's really getting back to season one good. And I love that. Chuck and Blair are excellent, Nate is as cute as ever, Lily Bass is still a hero and I'm actually intrigued as to what's going on. I think I posted my theory that jailbird Ben is the guy who went to prison for the murder of that guy that Serena 'killed'. I'm sticking with it. Although I'm probably wrong.
"You're worth so much more than any guest lecturer fee." Oh, Dan Humphrey, you charmer, you. With comments like that you could sweep any girl off their feet. I mean, seriously? They're actually scripting lines like, "you're worth so much more than any guest lecturer fee"? Embarrassing for everyone involved. And the best thing about it, was Serena was all like, "yeah, I know." Erm... stop being a filthy slag. And when she told Blair about Colin, and she was like, "You deserve better," and Serena was like, "Yeah, I know, he should totally give up teaching to be with me." Why should he? Why should he quit his job to be with you? Do you really hold yourself in such high esteem as to think men should just give up their entire lives just to spend an hour with you? Tone it down. And when he did quit his job for her, she then decided she didn't want to be with him after all! WHAT THE HELL?! So you make your would be boyfriend quite his job on the premise that you can be together and then dump him? Classy.
I'm most upset though about Colin leaving, he was so pretty. Slash, Vanessa is one crazy bitch. Obviously, she's always been this annoying idiot in the background causing aggro where there need not be, but she has cranked that crazy up about twenty five notches. I mean, she looked high for most of the episode. She's a genuine psychopath. Over Dan Humphrey as well. He's so irritating! I just... Never will I understand. Does he love Serena? Does he not love Serena? Why does everyone love Serena when she treats people like dirt?! Enraged.
What else..? Take That: Look Back, Don't Stare. Oh, Robbie. Oh, Gary. Oh, Mark. Oh, Howard. Oh, Jason. I mean, realistically, it was quite a boring documentary and failed to ignite any new excitement in me, but having said that, I don't think I could be any more excited than I already am. I'm at the stage where I'm literally shaking at the mention of them. Someone only has to say 'Take' and I'm a hideous mess on the floor. I'm a hideous mess on the floor by the time someone's make the 't' sound. God I love them. The thing is with programmes such as this, is that in a way, they ruin the magic. I don't want to see them fighting. I want to think of them as being bezzies, all having a laugh in the studio, cranking out some of the greatest songs of all time. The Flood is one of their best songs ever. It's unbelievable, and such a good song to relaunch themselves with. I love that Elton John just popped up in this too. In his Adidas trackie. It was an Elton John fest. I love how casual they are with him. I'm pretty sure Robbie called him 'El'. Gangster. He said it best though when he said, "I'm getting tears in my eyes seeing you all back together." It's such an emotional time. Such an emotional time. The dream I've had since I was five has finally come true. But even still, I felt like the documentary was just completely unnecessary; the process has been so highly publicised, we know everything there is to know, but I suppose it's always nice to hear what they have to say themselves. I just worship Gary Barlow. He's so talented it hurts. And I'm literally dying of anticipation for their performance tomorrow. I've said from the beginning that Simon would nail it, and he has. King of the World. Well done, Simon.
Until tomorrow, adieu.
But first things first; Justin Bieber Boyband rule all. Elton John week should surely be a week of excellence, after all, it's Queen Elton John III, Commander of the Globe. But alas. Jazzy Jeff managed to crucify a song that technically he should have been good at. Slash, Brandon Flowers rocked the pink blazer way back in 2004, he got stick for it then and his was Dior Homme not Primark and he was (and is) human perfection not a big fatty fatty fat fatkins. Traget Pajet went to lunch with David Suchet... Hmmm, rhymes... Erm... No. My point was this, he was alright, not great, but when Cheryl went, "That's not a song that I'm familiar with," I actually wanted to die. Don't admit on national television that you are not familiar with one of the most famous songs in the world. 'Crocodile Rock' is a classic, love. Oh, the shame...
Everyone else was average, even Matt and Rebecca. Matt should have sung 'Your Song' and even though Rebecca sounded amazing and looked amazing, 'Candle in the Wind' is quite possibly the most depressingly annoying song in the history of all time. She was wasted on it. But she quickly redeemed herself by using the term 'gegging'. Now for those of you who are not from Merseyside like yours truly, to geg is to put oneself in a situation in which they shouldn't really be. Allow me to contextualise. My friend was invited to a party, but she didn't want to go alone and so asked me to go with her even though I didn't know anyone and wasn't invited myself. I therefore felt as though I was 'gegging in' on the party. I was a 'geghead'. Rebecca felt as though she was 'gegging in' on the Harry Potter premiere. It's kind of like gatecrashing a suppose, but it was just excellent to hear a term I frequently use and am responded to in complete and utter confusion expressed on such a public platform. Prepare for gegging to go global.
I'm going to move swiftly away from the Harry Potter premiere as I had myself intended to go, wand in hand, but being the genius I am, managed to mix my days up. Missing my true loves; Curly Bieber, Asian Bieber and McFly... Not cool. But back to One Direction. THEY NAILED IT. Best performance of theirs by far, and easily the best performance of the night, hands down.
Xtra Factor was of course a total treat. Konnie is really starting to wind me up. Yes, I know I've been going on about how much she irritates me for the past few weeks, but tonight she really got me riled. "I thought Paije was really good last week, but actually, I'm not allowed to give an opinion, so just forget what I just said." Erm... You are clearly insane. What are you talking about? How are you still allowed to be doing this show? I don't ever remember you having this much trouble on Blue Peter. But the worst part was when she was sat with two members of McFly either side of her. I don't think I've ever seen an interviewer ever be so obliviously rude. Every time Danny started to voice an opinion, she would interrupt and turn her back to him to speak to Harry or Tom. Slash, Konnie, you're married and they have girlfriends, and are mine, hands off. Oh my God, I just remembered: "Everybody wants a bit of Zain". Or was it, "I'd like a bit of Zain" or something equally as inappropriate to that effect. Oh dear. McFly were hilarious though, as expected. And they want the Bieber Boyband to win. Applause.
Wagner or Katie will go I think, but I've been wrong every time so who knows/cares.
Gossip Girl. It was excellent; it's really getting back to season one good. And I love that. Chuck and Blair are excellent, Nate is as cute as ever, Lily Bass is still a hero and I'm actually intrigued as to what's going on. I think I posted my theory that jailbird Ben is the guy who went to prison for the murder of that guy that Serena 'killed'. I'm sticking with it. Although I'm probably wrong.
"You're worth so much more than any guest lecturer fee." Oh, Dan Humphrey, you charmer, you. With comments like that you could sweep any girl off their feet. I mean, seriously? They're actually scripting lines like, "you're worth so much more than any guest lecturer fee"? Embarrassing for everyone involved. And the best thing about it, was Serena was all like, "yeah, I know." Erm... stop being a filthy slag. And when she told Blair about Colin, and she was like, "You deserve better," and Serena was like, "Yeah, I know, he should totally give up teaching to be with me." Why should he? Why should he quit his job to be with you? Do you really hold yourself in such high esteem as to think men should just give up their entire lives just to spend an hour with you? Tone it down. And when he did quit his job for her, she then decided she didn't want to be with him after all! WHAT THE HELL?! So you make your would be boyfriend quite his job on the premise that you can be together and then dump him? Classy.
I'm most upset though about Colin leaving, he was so pretty. Slash, Vanessa is one crazy bitch. Obviously, she's always been this annoying idiot in the background causing aggro where there need not be, but she has cranked that crazy up about twenty five notches. I mean, she looked high for most of the episode. She's a genuine psychopath. Over Dan Humphrey as well. He's so irritating! I just... Never will I understand. Does he love Serena? Does he not love Serena? Why does everyone love Serena when she treats people like dirt?! Enraged.
What else..? Take That: Look Back, Don't Stare. Oh, Robbie. Oh, Gary. Oh, Mark. Oh, Howard. Oh, Jason. I mean, realistically, it was quite a boring documentary and failed to ignite any new excitement in me, but having said that, I don't think I could be any more excited than I already am. I'm at the stage where I'm literally shaking at the mention of them. Someone only has to say 'Take' and I'm a hideous mess on the floor. I'm a hideous mess on the floor by the time someone's make the 't' sound. God I love them. The thing is with programmes such as this, is that in a way, they ruin the magic. I don't want to see them fighting. I want to think of them as being bezzies, all having a laugh in the studio, cranking out some of the greatest songs of all time. The Flood is one of their best songs ever. It's unbelievable, and such a good song to relaunch themselves with. I love that Elton John just popped up in this too. In his Adidas trackie. It was an Elton John fest. I love how casual they are with him. I'm pretty sure Robbie called him 'El'. Gangster. He said it best though when he said, "I'm getting tears in my eyes seeing you all back together." It's such an emotional time. Such an emotional time. The dream I've had since I was five has finally come true. But even still, I felt like the documentary was just completely unnecessary; the process has been so highly publicised, we know everything there is to know, but I suppose it's always nice to hear what they have to say themselves. I just worship Gary Barlow. He's so talented it hurts. And I'm literally dying of anticipation for their performance tomorrow. I've said from the beginning that Simon would nail it, and he has. King of the World. Well done, Simon.
Until tomorrow, adieu.
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
"I think she'll be an owl..."
Just when you thought One Tree Hill couldn't possibly get any worse, they bring the world the worst ever in the history of humanity worst series finale ever. And what makes it even worse, is that E4 decided to show it as a double bill, as though the suspense from the first part would be so great that we couldn't physically wait another week for the next one. Either that or they just wanted it to end. On reflection it's probably the latter. In fact, it's definitely the latter.
I actually made notes. I never make notes on anything, but so many bad things happened that I realised about 5 minutes in that I would never be able to remember them, and they were too good to waste.
Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott is just the worst. The worst. She makes depression laughable. I love that she practically refuses to speak to anyone and instead decides that the best way to behave is to regress to some sort of spoilt 16 year old brat. She just strolls into Clothes Over Bros with Brooke and gives Victoria all this 'tude. It's like, nah-uh honey, I ain't takin' that. She was even chewing gum. I mean, what the hell. I don't think I will ever understand why the writers seem to think that we will believe that Hayley inspires anyone. Oh wait, I forgot, she's a multi-platinum selling musician who inspires the world through her lyrics. How silly of me. I also forgot that being depressed means that you can't do laundry. That's why Nathan had to do it and turned all Jamie's socks pink! God Hayley, you need to stop being such a diva and do your husband's washing, bitch. What a terrible mother. I knew, as soon as you saw her on the phone, that Hayley was ringing her mother's mobile. What a tool. And Nathan's discovery of this was genius. "Hmmmm... why are there so many calls to Hayley's mum's number from Hayley's cell? Hmmmmm... Mystery..." GAY!
And what the hell was Quinn's Goonie inspired trail all about? There is no need for all these pointless sub-plots. Not that you can really call that a plot. It was more like, 'We've paid for her this season, let's use her'. He's 7, he's not a retard. Although it's questionable. If my auntie had tried to make me so something that stupid I would have thrown the biggest tantrum ever and torn up her stupid map right in her face. Slash, can I just say, that the 'snack' they were having wasn't fooling anyone. There is no way in hell that kid snacks on carrot sticks. Not unless they're coated in lard. The worst part about it was when Jamie drew that picture for Hayley. "Mama, you're our treasure, Love Jamie". Vom. Hayley, you are quite possibly my least favourite person on television, and I have some very strong feelings about Cher Lloyd and Louis Walsh.
Speaking of Quinn, I swear to God, how many times does she need to be naked. I get it, she's got a great body, thanks for rubbing that in my big fat face and making me feel greatly inferior. But seriously. OK, when she was trying to 'seduce' Clay (I don't think the word 'cringe' has ever been more appropriate) it made sense, but getting locked outside in a bikini, in the middle of the snowy Utah mountains... What? And then, 'Oh look here, a strategically placed furry hat and some walking boots! I shall now walk through this freezing blizzard to the local cafe where I will storm in a demand a key from my increasingly less attractive boyfriend.' Not cool. I wish they'd make her character less wet. She's such a drip. Shut up, Quinn. No one cares. I'm glad she got shot. Oooops. Don't want to spoilt the painfully abysmal ending...
I love Julian. I love him. But he needs a haircut, and after I declared this, it was later referenced about 5 times throughout the two episodes. Why doesn't he get it cut then? Ah... that is something we will never know. They mystery of One Tree Hill. Brooke is such a fatty trying to get out bless her. But as if he has the Film Festival people saved in his phone contacts. When the phone rang and the name appeared, it was just painful. That doesn't happen ever! And no one will ever want to see his movie because it has the most awful name ever, "Seven Days Til Tuesday". What?! That doesn't even make sense. And it sounds like the kind of film that would make me want to hang myself.
Slash, I can't believe I haven't mentioned Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott's suicide attempt. Well, it was advertised as a suicide attempt. In reality, it was more like she was swimming underwater for a long time and then Nathan jumped in and ruined her fun. "Breathe, Hayley! Breathe!" Erm... she is breathing. She's absolutely fine. It wasn't even dramatic. If you can count on One Tree Hill for anything, then it's a sense of over the top drama. But no, even that has sadly disappeared.
Back to Julian. Although his movie is awful, despite the standing ovation, (yeah, OK...) he looked nice in his suit. Slash, Jamie's premiere suit wasn't even funny. What kind of mother lets their child go to a highly photographed event dressed as a bull fighter? She's obviously too famous for regular clothing. But Julian has great taste in engagement rings. Quite possibly the worst proposal ever, but the ring was pretty impressive. Good old Brulian.
It's says here in my notes, "Jamie's fringe". Need I say more? I think not.
Oh my God, Quinn is such an idiot. There she was, taking a nice walk with her "baby" sister and she has to ruin it with, "Mom believed in reincarnation. I think she'll be an owl..." I'm sorry, what? Que? Quoi? An owl? Words fail me. All I could think for the 20 minutes that followed was, "I'm not an owl, Ron!" My favourite line from Harry Potter ever. Ho, ho, ho! But when Hayley saw that owl at the end, literally all I could do was sigh. It was so predictable and so ludicrous. And as if she went up to it and stroked it! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CRAZY BITCH!? IT'S AN OWL! I was just waiting for it to lose it's mind and start clawing her eyes out. I was very disappointed when it didn't, I'm not going to lie.
I don't care about Grubbs, Mia or Stephen from Laguna Beach. I feel like they're just there to kill some time. And why did Stephen from Laguna Beach go to Utah with them? Has he even ever spoken to Julian?! Go and hang out with LC, leave everyone alone you annoying little boy. Oh, I don't care about pubescent Justin Timberlake either. No one cares if he's gay or not. I don't think anyone would care if he was dead. Slash, I'm sure that Hollywood is full of really attractive rubbish actors, why not cast one of them as the 'leading man'? This guy must be the producer's son or something. How embarrassing.
Just a quick note about Alex. First of all, I know she wants to hide her scars and all, but what's with the arm warmer/vest combo? Not a cute look. And if she was that worried about scars, maybe she should have put more thought into how she was going to kill herself instead of acting on impulse. Serves her right. And also, how is having a different name a secret of the same magnitude as hiding your homosexuality from your family and the international press and public? Erm... let me think. It's not. Everyone has a stage name you idiot. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO BRAND ALICE AS A HORRIBLE NAME!? Her and her pube-headed actor friend make me sick. Was it meant to be dramatic? "It's Alice, Alice Whitehead..." Actually, that's just about a normal name as Alex Dupree, although, not as trampy. Bitch.
Now, to the ending of this season. Usually, there's a good ending. We all remember Hayley and Nathan's wedding when the limo crashed into the lake. Loves it. We all remember Dan Scott shooting Keith. Will anyone ever remember this? Probably not. And let me tell you why. First off, Hayley's pregnancy is now surprise. The only surprising thing about it is that she is now some sort of psychic and can tell the sex of the baby by magic or voodoo or something. "I'm pregnant and I think it's going to be a girl." Who says that? No one. Second of all, a shooting should always have impact. This was quite possibly the worst shooting I have ever witnessed. As soon as Clay told Quinn to go to bed, I knew CrazyBitch would be waiting. BANG! I love that Clay's response to an obvious gun shot in his house was an inquisitive, "Quinn...?" as if she'd knocked something over. 'I know what I'll do, I'll follow the sound of the gun shot and see what's happening...' No, Clay, you're clearly an idiot. BANG! Now, from all my experience in gun crime, I'm pretty sure that those shots would have killed both of them. Yet I know this to not be the case. This is the issue when America are so far ahead. I know that both of them are going to be in the next season. So it's obvious. There was no drama, no tension. I wanted some sort of Derek/Peyton thing, where it was so tense that I actually couldn't watch. It made me jump so badly. Whereas with this I was more, 'Hmm.. OK, whatevs' which a casual shrug of the shoulders. The best bit of this boring shooting was CrazyBitch's exit. I love how she used the curtain like a cape; swinging it over her shoulders as she disappears into the night. It was genuinely like some sort of piss take. It was almost as if they were trying to be ironic. It was that bad.
Dear One Tree Hill,
Please let Julian get his hair cut and marry Brooke in a nice happy ceremony (with lots of twists). Please help Jamie cut the carbs. Please give Quinn some clothes. Please don't let Hayley's pregnancy come between her and her loyal fans. Please let Clay live and realise that actually he and Quinn are really annoying together and he could be a lot more interesting if he actually grew a pair and started behaving like a normal human being. Oh, and please, please, PLEASE get some new scriptwriters.
Thanking you in advance,
Alice. x
I actually made notes. I never make notes on anything, but so many bad things happened that I realised about 5 minutes in that I would never be able to remember them, and they were too good to waste.
Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott is just the worst. The worst. She makes depression laughable. I love that she practically refuses to speak to anyone and instead decides that the best way to behave is to regress to some sort of spoilt 16 year old brat. She just strolls into Clothes Over Bros with Brooke and gives Victoria all this 'tude. It's like, nah-uh honey, I ain't takin' that. She was even chewing gum. I mean, what the hell. I don't think I will ever understand why the writers seem to think that we will believe that Hayley inspires anyone. Oh wait, I forgot, she's a multi-platinum selling musician who inspires the world through her lyrics. How silly of me. I also forgot that being depressed means that you can't do laundry. That's why Nathan had to do it and turned all Jamie's socks pink! God Hayley, you need to stop being such a diva and do your husband's washing, bitch. What a terrible mother. I knew, as soon as you saw her on the phone, that Hayley was ringing her mother's mobile. What a tool. And Nathan's discovery of this was genius. "Hmmmm... why are there so many calls to Hayley's mum's number from Hayley's cell? Hmmmmm... Mystery..." GAY!
And what the hell was Quinn's Goonie inspired trail all about? There is no need for all these pointless sub-plots. Not that you can really call that a plot. It was more like, 'We've paid for her this season, let's use her'. He's 7, he's not a retard. Although it's questionable. If my auntie had tried to make me so something that stupid I would have thrown the biggest tantrum ever and torn up her stupid map right in her face. Slash, can I just say, that the 'snack' they were having wasn't fooling anyone. There is no way in hell that kid snacks on carrot sticks. Not unless they're coated in lard. The worst part about it was when Jamie drew that picture for Hayley. "Mama, you're our treasure, Love Jamie". Vom. Hayley, you are quite possibly my least favourite person on television, and I have some very strong feelings about Cher Lloyd and Louis Walsh.
Speaking of Quinn, I swear to God, how many times does she need to be naked. I get it, she's got a great body, thanks for rubbing that in my big fat face and making me feel greatly inferior. But seriously. OK, when she was trying to 'seduce' Clay (I don't think the word 'cringe' has ever been more appropriate) it made sense, but getting locked outside in a bikini, in the middle of the snowy Utah mountains... What? And then, 'Oh look here, a strategically placed furry hat and some walking boots! I shall now walk through this freezing blizzard to the local cafe where I will storm in a demand a key from my increasingly less attractive boyfriend.' Not cool. I wish they'd make her character less wet. She's such a drip. Shut up, Quinn. No one cares. I'm glad she got shot. Oooops. Don't want to spoilt the painfully abysmal ending...
I love Julian. I love him. But he needs a haircut, and after I declared this, it was later referenced about 5 times throughout the two episodes. Why doesn't he get it cut then? Ah... that is something we will never know. They mystery of One Tree Hill. Brooke is such a fatty trying to get out bless her. But as if he has the Film Festival people saved in his phone contacts. When the phone rang and the name appeared, it was just painful. That doesn't happen ever! And no one will ever want to see his movie because it has the most awful name ever, "Seven Days Til Tuesday". What?! That doesn't even make sense. And it sounds like the kind of film that would make me want to hang myself.
Slash, I can't believe I haven't mentioned Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott's suicide attempt. Well, it was advertised as a suicide attempt. In reality, it was more like she was swimming underwater for a long time and then Nathan jumped in and ruined her fun. "Breathe, Hayley! Breathe!" Erm... she is breathing. She's absolutely fine. It wasn't even dramatic. If you can count on One Tree Hill for anything, then it's a sense of over the top drama. But no, even that has sadly disappeared.
Back to Julian. Although his movie is awful, despite the standing ovation, (yeah, OK...) he looked nice in his suit. Slash, Jamie's premiere suit wasn't even funny. What kind of mother lets their child go to a highly photographed event dressed as a bull fighter? She's obviously too famous for regular clothing. But Julian has great taste in engagement rings. Quite possibly the worst proposal ever, but the ring was pretty impressive. Good old Brulian.
It's says here in my notes, "Jamie's fringe". Need I say more? I think not.
Oh my God, Quinn is such an idiot. There she was, taking a nice walk with her "baby" sister and she has to ruin it with, "Mom believed in reincarnation. I think she'll be an owl..." I'm sorry, what? Que? Quoi? An owl? Words fail me. All I could think for the 20 minutes that followed was, "I'm not an owl, Ron!" My favourite line from Harry Potter ever. Ho, ho, ho! But when Hayley saw that owl at the end, literally all I could do was sigh. It was so predictable and so ludicrous. And as if she went up to it and stroked it! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CRAZY BITCH!? IT'S AN OWL! I was just waiting for it to lose it's mind and start clawing her eyes out. I was very disappointed when it didn't, I'm not going to lie.
I don't care about Grubbs, Mia or Stephen from Laguna Beach. I feel like they're just there to kill some time. And why did Stephen from Laguna Beach go to Utah with them? Has he even ever spoken to Julian?! Go and hang out with LC, leave everyone alone you annoying little boy. Oh, I don't care about pubescent Justin Timberlake either. No one cares if he's gay or not. I don't think anyone would care if he was dead. Slash, I'm sure that Hollywood is full of really attractive rubbish actors, why not cast one of them as the 'leading man'? This guy must be the producer's son or something. How embarrassing.
Just a quick note about Alex. First of all, I know she wants to hide her scars and all, but what's with the arm warmer/vest combo? Not a cute look. And if she was that worried about scars, maybe she should have put more thought into how she was going to kill herself instead of acting on impulse. Serves her right. And also, how is having a different name a secret of the same magnitude as hiding your homosexuality from your family and the international press and public? Erm... let me think. It's not. Everyone has a stage name you idiot. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO BRAND ALICE AS A HORRIBLE NAME!? Her and her pube-headed actor friend make me sick. Was it meant to be dramatic? "It's Alice, Alice Whitehead..." Actually, that's just about a normal name as Alex Dupree, although, not as trampy. Bitch.
Now, to the ending of this season. Usually, there's a good ending. We all remember Hayley and Nathan's wedding when the limo crashed into the lake. Loves it. We all remember Dan Scott shooting Keith. Will anyone ever remember this? Probably not. And let me tell you why. First off, Hayley's pregnancy is now surprise. The only surprising thing about it is that she is now some sort of psychic and can tell the sex of the baby by magic or voodoo or something. "I'm pregnant and I think it's going to be a girl." Who says that? No one. Second of all, a shooting should always have impact. This was quite possibly the worst shooting I have ever witnessed. As soon as Clay told Quinn to go to bed, I knew CrazyBitch would be waiting. BANG! I love that Clay's response to an obvious gun shot in his house was an inquisitive, "Quinn...?" as if she'd knocked something over. 'I know what I'll do, I'll follow the sound of the gun shot and see what's happening...' No, Clay, you're clearly an idiot. BANG! Now, from all my experience in gun crime, I'm pretty sure that those shots would have killed both of them. Yet I know this to not be the case. This is the issue when America are so far ahead. I know that both of them are going to be in the next season. So it's obvious. There was no drama, no tension. I wanted some sort of Derek/Peyton thing, where it was so tense that I actually couldn't watch. It made me jump so badly. Whereas with this I was more, 'Hmm.. OK, whatevs' which a casual shrug of the shoulders. The best bit of this boring shooting was CrazyBitch's exit. I love how she used the curtain like a cape; swinging it over her shoulders as she disappears into the night. It was genuinely like some sort of piss take. It was almost as if they were trying to be ironic. It was that bad.
Dear One Tree Hill,
Please let Julian get his hair cut and marry Brooke in a nice happy ceremony (with lots of twists). Please help Jamie cut the carbs. Please give Quinn some clothes. Please don't let Hayley's pregnancy come between her and her loyal fans. Please let Clay live and realise that actually he and Quinn are really annoying together and he could be a lot more interesting if he actually grew a pair and started behaving like a normal human being. Oh, and please, please, PLEASE get some new scriptwriters.
Thanking you in advance,
Alice. x
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