If you want to open a show well, open it with Take That. A-mazzzzzze-ing. How I love them so. Oh, Robbie. I love that none of it was about him. It was all about them as a band, and, if there hadn't been so much hype about them performing as a 5 piece, it would have been just like any other Take That performance. AMAZING!
Now, I know I have vowed to limit my Bieber talk. That is not going to happen this week I am afraid. That would be because he not only nailed the Grammys on Sunday, but he happens to be in this very country, right this second. He also happened to be at the Brits. Oh, Bieber. I, like the true loser that I am, sat and watched that God awful Dave Berry fronted red carpet programme on ITV2 before hand, just waiting for a glimpse of Bieber. And it was truly dreadful. Amazingly enough, through no fault of Bieber.
Dear Peter Andre, you are such a lovely man and I want so much for you to be good at something, but presenting is really not your thing, Love Alice. x
"Sorry, Justin. We're going to have to do that last question again because we weren't on. I thought I was presenting, but we weren't on air." Note to Andre, you are actually on air now... "Are we on yet...?" Yes Peter, you are on. "Yeah? Are we ready?" PETER YOU ARE ON WITH BIEBER! "Yeah? So, Justin, as an MJ fan yourself..." Dear God, Andre! Pay attention! Just awful. And Bieber was clearly in a rush to get in:
Andre: "Can you do the moonwalk?"
Bieber: "Not on carpet."
Andre: "What about the slide?"
Bieber: "Not on carpet."
Yes, one might say he was dismissive, others may say rude, but realistically, we all know Bieber doesn't tolerate such nonsense on national television. Come on, Peter, know your audience. Tragic.
Now, when Bieber got inside, that's when the magic truly started. I think you'll find that everyone in the world is either fascinated by or deeply obsessed with one Justin Drew Bieber. Take the fact that his name was mentioned about 25 times per minute throughout the entirety of the show. Facebook seemed awash with foolish folk thinking that James Corden, who did a very good job might I add, was ripping the shit out of a poor bewildered Bieber. Alas! I think, on closer inspection, you may be surprised to find that whilst Bieber may have been alarmed at the forward nature of Corden's comedy, he was totally in on the joke. This can be exemplified by the casual stroking of James Corden's face in response to being stroked himself. LOVES IT! Slash, if he really wanted to slag of Bieber, he would have slagged him off. "Oh, good one, James. Way to stick it to Bieber! Get him where it hurts! The hair!" Erm... No. The occasional joke about hairspray and collaboration with Mark Ronson is a weak attempt to offend, I mean, you could at least go for his height, or his intelligence. Therefore I have been lead to the conclusion that it was all in good faith. So more fool you Facebookers of the world. Double slash, if it was meant to be hurtful, you better watch out Corden. No one takes the piss out of Bieber except me. Got it?
I apologise. I sound like the sort of person that creates a Justin Bieber fansite, following him around the world, trying to get him to take a picture with the logo I spent 6 weeks painstakingly creating with my own blood, just to show my loyal followers that Bieber appreciates the hard work gone into running an online shrine to his greatness. I am not that sort of person. I just happen to be a greater supporter of nurturing the talent of today's youth.
And he won anyway! So screw you, fake Bieber haters! Casual kiss for Cheryl Cole as well on the way up. Such a smooth operator. Terrible speech though, JB. I mean, where was God's thank you? I thought it was important to always put God first? Or has the cynicism of the world of celebrity finally taken it's evil toll? Tragic. And bringing Mike on stage... Really? Is that what you really wanted to do? You brought all the jokes on yourself after that I'm afraid. Although, James Corden seemed to be the only one still enjoying the humour in that situation, again suggesting that he was paying awfully close attention to the actions of our favourite little Christian for someone who hates him. SLASH! Avril Lavigne. Who invited you? I wonder if they just thought that they needed someone Canadian to present Bieber with his award, to make him feel comfortable. Or whether she just turned up and walked on stage. I'm guessing the latter. Bless her.
I can't actually remember much else. I was in a Bieber haze.
Rihanna. How could I forget? Of course she was going to go off stage and take all her clothes off! Of course she was going to have tribal dancers. Of course she was going to sing every 9th word over the backing track, parading around with her thunder thighs on display. I have news for you Rihanna, you are not Beyonce. And your music is beyond irritating. And your acceptance speech for your award was more embarrassing than Bieber's. No need for shouting. Just a polite and sincere thank you would have sufficed. Oh God and Cheryl Cole presenting was painful enough as well. "My girl crush!" Really? She has no idea who you are, stop sucking up.
Oh, Robbie. I love that when Take That went up for their award, that the security man was trying to get Robbie to go a certain way, and he was having none of it. Excellent. Complete disregard for authority. There's the Robbie we all know and love. "SHABBA!" I have no idea why he felt the need to shout it twice, but it was funny. Oh, Mark Owen. Your thank you to Robbie was beyond adorable. God, they're so amazing. I love them. Have I ever mentioned that before?
What was most tragic about the whole evening was the unfortunate choice of closing song. Now, Ceelo himself was sounding great, singing the catchiest song in the entire world ever, but wait... What's that? Why is Paloma Faith entering in on a car? And why is she singing? Whoever came up with that collaboration is hopefully sat facing a corner in a rocking chair, smacking their head against the wall. Terrible. She wasn't so much harmonising as singing the song out of time and out of tune. I don't understand why he couldn't have just done it by himself. I know he's not British, but he won an award. And when they were walking down the catwalky bit of the stage and he stood on those stupid bits hanging off the side of her dress and ripped one off... Oh God. It was awful. Painful. I actually put my fingers in my ears. Such a shame, it was all going so well.
I'm glad they've changed it. The Brits have always been slightly embarrassing. And whilst it was still embarrassing, it all seemed slightly more credible somehow. But still. It was all about Bieber. Sorry.
Showing posts with label Take That. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Take That. Show all posts
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Thursday, 20 January 2011
GB40
Gary Barlow is 40 years old today everyone. And he's nailed his birthday like only he could.
His concert, thankfully broadcast on Radio 2 so as to avoid mass suicide I am sure, was unbelievable.
Let me give you a slight background into my love. I have idolised Gary Barlow since before I was born. 'How is that possible?' you may ask. Some parents play their unborn children Mozart, others Beethoven, mine Take That. And I was born about 5 months after they released their first single, so it wasn't even the good stuff. I believe I was 2 years of age when I first declared my intention to marry one Gary Barlow. I was 4 when I wrote my name on the album liner notes of one of the greatest albums of all time, 'Take That and Party'. My mother was not amused. I had a life sized Take That poster on my door, a poster that was tragically thrown away when the door got broken and discarded. Fear not, the image remains engraved in my memory. It was so tasteful. I carried a Take That ringbinder around secondary school before they even considered getting back together. My mum still has a leather keyring on her car keys from her original Take That fan club membership. I have a blanket knitted by a friend of Gary's grandmother, something I have been bragging about since I was able to talk. I have seen them twice since they reunited and have tickets for this year's tour. And, most recently, my wonderful auntie managed to get me Gary's actual autograph. It's personalised as well. Don't, I'll cry...
I love him if you haven't guessed. I had his doll. I had all their videos, still do. So for Gary to do this, although I'm suicidal about not being there myself, it has managed to make me, his biggest original fan under the age of 20, the happiest girl in the entire land. Scratch that, his biggest original fan. I'd trample the rest.
His voice is amazing. His songs are amazing. His band are amazing. I have cried four individual times over the duration of the broadcast. His talent knows no bounds. None at all. How can you write 'A Million Love Songs' at 15 and continue to get better and better? It's unthinkable genius. I'm genuinely struggling to comment properly and sufficiently on tonight's performance...
The thing with Gary Barlow, and with Take That in general, is that they represent, for so many people, complete and utter happiness. I know that since the reunion, the others have chipped in with the song writing, but you can tell where the real magic comes from. Not to take anything away from the others because I adore them. But Gary, he's a real hero. I would go as far as to say he is one of the greatest song writers of the past 20 years. He's easily in the top 5. And that's not even bias. A gig like that, in a venue as intimate as the Shepherd's Bush Empire, must have been just magical. One of Gary's main talents is, that even seeing him perform at an 80,000 capacity stadium, he can make it feel as though you're right at the front. I think it's his voice. And his warmth. He's so beautifully Northern and so unapologetic about it. I love that. I think that the general impression of Gary Barlow to those who don't love Take That is that he's some old dad-like man that sings cheesy pop songs. I think a lot of people that he's out of touch and corny. I say that those people are ignorant arses who need to get over themselves. They are wrong. His knowledge of music, his passion for music, his eagerness to learn from newer artists, his eagerness to learn from anyone... He's just Northern. Wonderfully, perfectly Northern. He's so well respected and loved by some of the best people in the music industry (cough, Brandon Flowers, cough) that it is near impossible to discredit him as a musician. Slag him off to Elton John, see what'll happen then...
The only issue I have with tonight's performance was the guests. Ellie Goulding was random and unnecessary and didn't sing particularly well. But that was fine. She was on and off. Here is my main issue: Chris Martin. Now, I like Coldplay. I do not love Coldplay, nor do I love Chris Martin. If anything, he annoys me greatly. But dear God, he was terrible. I was so excited when Gary announced him onto stage and then he proceeded to sing, completely off key and out of tune, one of the greatest songs in the world. Yes, I'm talking about 'Back for Good'. I bet Gwyneth was humiliated. And the thing is, I've seen YouTube videos of them singing it, albeit, with Brandon Flowers and Bono helping, and it was amazing. Maybe it was the pressure of Gary's 40th birthday. And all that Take That fans. That's surely enough to stress any one out, although he deserves no excuses. It was terrible. Thanks for ruining Gary's birthday, Chris. Idiot. Oh, and Jo Whiley butting in every 3 seconds to explain the obvious. That was really annoying. And really really unnecessaary. Thanks, Jo, but I think Gary's got it covered. He always does.
Anyway, Happy Birthday, Gary! Such a great day for the nation. Such a great day for the world. Whilst I declare my adoration for the great man wherever I go without thought or shame, I have never been prouder to be a Gary Barlow die hard.
His concert, thankfully broadcast on Radio 2 so as to avoid mass suicide I am sure, was unbelievable.
Let me give you a slight background into my love. I have idolised Gary Barlow since before I was born. 'How is that possible?' you may ask. Some parents play their unborn children Mozart, others Beethoven, mine Take That. And I was born about 5 months after they released their first single, so it wasn't even the good stuff. I believe I was 2 years of age when I first declared my intention to marry one Gary Barlow. I was 4 when I wrote my name on the album liner notes of one of the greatest albums of all time, 'Take That and Party'. My mother was not amused. I had a life sized Take That poster on my door, a poster that was tragically thrown away when the door got broken and discarded. Fear not, the image remains engraved in my memory. It was so tasteful. I carried a Take That ringbinder around secondary school before they even considered getting back together. My mum still has a leather keyring on her car keys from her original Take That fan club membership. I have a blanket knitted by a friend of Gary's grandmother, something I have been bragging about since I was able to talk. I have seen them twice since they reunited and have tickets for this year's tour. And, most recently, my wonderful auntie managed to get me Gary's actual autograph. It's personalised as well. Don't, I'll cry...
I love him if you haven't guessed. I had his doll. I had all their videos, still do. So for Gary to do this, although I'm suicidal about not being there myself, it has managed to make me, his biggest original fan under the age of 20, the happiest girl in the entire land. Scratch that, his biggest original fan. I'd trample the rest.
His voice is amazing. His songs are amazing. His band are amazing. I have cried four individual times over the duration of the broadcast. His talent knows no bounds. None at all. How can you write 'A Million Love Songs' at 15 and continue to get better and better? It's unthinkable genius. I'm genuinely struggling to comment properly and sufficiently on tonight's performance...
The thing with Gary Barlow, and with Take That in general, is that they represent, for so many people, complete and utter happiness. I know that since the reunion, the others have chipped in with the song writing, but you can tell where the real magic comes from. Not to take anything away from the others because I adore them. But Gary, he's a real hero. I would go as far as to say he is one of the greatest song writers of the past 20 years. He's easily in the top 5. And that's not even bias. A gig like that, in a venue as intimate as the Shepherd's Bush Empire, must have been just magical. One of Gary's main talents is, that even seeing him perform at an 80,000 capacity stadium, he can make it feel as though you're right at the front. I think it's his voice. And his warmth. He's so beautifully Northern and so unapologetic about it. I love that. I think that the general impression of Gary Barlow to those who don't love Take That is that he's some old dad-like man that sings cheesy pop songs. I think a lot of people that he's out of touch and corny. I say that those people are ignorant arses who need to get over themselves. They are wrong. His knowledge of music, his passion for music, his eagerness to learn from newer artists, his eagerness to learn from anyone... He's just Northern. Wonderfully, perfectly Northern. He's so well respected and loved by some of the best people in the music industry (cough, Brandon Flowers, cough) that it is near impossible to discredit him as a musician. Slag him off to Elton John, see what'll happen then...
The only issue I have with tonight's performance was the guests. Ellie Goulding was random and unnecessary and didn't sing particularly well. But that was fine. She was on and off. Here is my main issue: Chris Martin. Now, I like Coldplay. I do not love Coldplay, nor do I love Chris Martin. If anything, he annoys me greatly. But dear God, he was terrible. I was so excited when Gary announced him onto stage and then he proceeded to sing, completely off key and out of tune, one of the greatest songs in the world. Yes, I'm talking about 'Back for Good'. I bet Gwyneth was humiliated. And the thing is, I've seen YouTube videos of them singing it, albeit, with Brandon Flowers and Bono helping, and it was amazing. Maybe it was the pressure of Gary's 40th birthday. And all that Take That fans. That's surely enough to stress any one out, although he deserves no excuses. It was terrible. Thanks for ruining Gary's birthday, Chris. Idiot. Oh, and Jo Whiley butting in every 3 seconds to explain the obvious. That was really annoying. And really really unnecessaary. Thanks, Jo, but I think Gary's got it covered. He always does.
Anyway, Happy Birthday, Gary! Such a great day for the nation. Such a great day for the world. Whilst I declare my adoration for the great man wherever I go without thought or shame, I have never been prouder to be a Gary Barlow die hard.
Monday, 15 November 2010
Oh, Cheryl...
It didn't work for Mel B, why would it work for you? Her hair was so not cute. Oh, just awful. What's going on, Cheryl?! You had such beautiful hair and now... Well... I don't even know what to say... Just, awful. I think it was meant to be some sort of bow, but it just looked like she could have been an extra in the video for Spice Up Your Life.
But the fact that Aiden was eliminated makes me want to kill myself. Erm... British public, hello? What's going on? Wagner in, Aiden out? Let me tell you something: Wagner is not funny. You clearly have no sense of humour whatsoever. At all. Nil. Wagner is NOT funny. I'm hilarious, I would know. Of course, I didn't vote; I'm not going to waste my money on such rubbish. BUT I WILL NOW! I will not rest until justice is mine! And Katie Waissel? I despair. She sang fantastically on her save me song, but her career is not going to be built on save me songs. Unless her first album is 'Katie Waissel: Songs that Saved Me' in which case, I would personally buy them all just to burn them in a bonfire the size of China. And what's going on with her hair? She's got none left! Why haven't they stripped it?! Or at least given her an everyday wig? Dear God. I get that she can sing, I actually like her voice, but I would never buy anything she released, mainly because she's so false it actually causes me heart palpitations. And when she was trying to hug Aiden when they were in the bottom two?! GET OFF HIM! HE DOESN'T WANT YOUR FALSE SYMPATHY BITCH! Oh, poor Aiden Grimshaw, he's so adorable. He clearly doesn't like her, which is hilarious. I don't think any of them actually do. Simon is clearly out of his mind. She must be his secret niece or something. WAIT! So now, not only is she ruining my life every week, having McFly support her and getting to spend every waking minute with the Bieber Boyband, she's now stealing my dream of being Simon Cowell's niece?! Not cool, Waissel. I'd watch your back if I were you...
Is it just me, or has no one else ever heard that JLS song? I mean, I knew they were doing the Children in Need single, but I'd never heard it, and I still couldn't tell you how it went. I genuinely didn't understand a word they were singing. Instead, I found myself shouting, "Do a flip! Bust a move! Take your top off Marv!" That kind of thing, because it was so dull.
Westlife on the other hand... Amazing. I love Westlife. They nailed it. The best thing about Westlife is that every single song follows the same formula. There are two verses, with a chorus at the end of each, followed by a middle eight which builds and builds and builds to a phenomenal key change with pyrotechnics and a momentous step forward. That is the formula that will make me die.
But Take That... OH. MY. GOD. I was so nervous for them. And by them, I mean Robbie, because I knew he would be terrified. But, wow. He was unbelievable. And he looked so happy! They all did. Of course, I was a jibbering wreck. I mean, not only is it a monumental moment in my life, but it's a monumental moment for the nation, for the world. Take That! All five of them! In all their glory. It's such an amazing song. They've nailed it. Nailed it. I have no more words. It has made my life complete.
Dear Konnie Huq,
Please stop. Please. You were never this bad in the good old days. You were the longest serving Blue Peter presenter of all time, for Christ's sake! Please don't ever speak to Westlife again. You are clearly too stupid to do your research and realise that Mary Byrne is not actually the auntie of Nicky Byrne. People are allowed to have the same surname, you know. Don't even look at Shane. His beauty it too much for your eyes. I seem to have blocked everything else you said out my mind, so I'll let you off for the rest of the show... But next week...
Alice. x
And she managed to insult Seal! No one insults Seal! He's way too cool. The way she poses questions is so patronising, and she never actually asks what she means to ask. Seal was actually repeating everything she said to him just to make sure that's what she meant. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for her! I loved her when I was 8! Oh, Konnie.
I think that is all. I hope that is all. I'm going now to fundraise to support my X Factor voting next week. Waissel and Wagner won't win on my watch. Mark my words.
But the fact that Aiden was eliminated makes me want to kill myself. Erm... British public, hello? What's going on? Wagner in, Aiden out? Let me tell you something: Wagner is not funny. You clearly have no sense of humour whatsoever. At all. Nil. Wagner is NOT funny. I'm hilarious, I would know. Of course, I didn't vote; I'm not going to waste my money on such rubbish. BUT I WILL NOW! I will not rest until justice is mine! And Katie Waissel? I despair. She sang fantastically on her save me song, but her career is not going to be built on save me songs. Unless her first album is 'Katie Waissel: Songs that Saved Me' in which case, I would personally buy them all just to burn them in a bonfire the size of China. And what's going on with her hair? She's got none left! Why haven't they stripped it?! Or at least given her an everyday wig? Dear God. I get that she can sing, I actually like her voice, but I would never buy anything she released, mainly because she's so false it actually causes me heart palpitations. And when she was trying to hug Aiden when they were in the bottom two?! GET OFF HIM! HE DOESN'T WANT YOUR FALSE SYMPATHY BITCH! Oh, poor Aiden Grimshaw, he's so adorable. He clearly doesn't like her, which is hilarious. I don't think any of them actually do. Simon is clearly out of his mind. She must be his secret niece or something. WAIT! So now, not only is she ruining my life every week, having McFly support her and getting to spend every waking minute with the Bieber Boyband, she's now stealing my dream of being Simon Cowell's niece?! Not cool, Waissel. I'd watch your back if I were you...
Is it just me, or has no one else ever heard that JLS song? I mean, I knew they were doing the Children in Need single, but I'd never heard it, and I still couldn't tell you how it went. I genuinely didn't understand a word they were singing. Instead, I found myself shouting, "Do a flip! Bust a move! Take your top off Marv!" That kind of thing, because it was so dull.
Westlife on the other hand... Amazing. I love Westlife. They nailed it. The best thing about Westlife is that every single song follows the same formula. There are two verses, with a chorus at the end of each, followed by a middle eight which builds and builds and builds to a phenomenal key change with pyrotechnics and a momentous step forward. That is the formula that will make me die.
But Take That... OH. MY. GOD. I was so nervous for them. And by them, I mean Robbie, because I knew he would be terrified. But, wow. He was unbelievable. And he looked so happy! They all did. Of course, I was a jibbering wreck. I mean, not only is it a monumental moment in my life, but it's a monumental moment for the nation, for the world. Take That! All five of them! In all their glory. It's such an amazing song. They've nailed it. Nailed it. I have no more words. It has made my life complete.
Dear Konnie Huq,
Please stop. Please. You were never this bad in the good old days. You were the longest serving Blue Peter presenter of all time, for Christ's sake! Please don't ever speak to Westlife again. You are clearly too stupid to do your research and realise that Mary Byrne is not actually the auntie of Nicky Byrne. People are allowed to have the same surname, you know. Don't even look at Shane. His beauty it too much for your eyes. I seem to have blocked everything else you said out my mind, so I'll let you off for the rest of the show... But next week...
Alice. x
And she managed to insult Seal! No one insults Seal! He's way too cool. The way she poses questions is so patronising, and she never actually asks what she means to ask. Seal was actually repeating everything she said to him just to make sure that's what she meant. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for her! I loved her when I was 8! Oh, Konnie.
I think that is all. I hope that is all. I'm going now to fundraise to support my X Factor voting next week. Waissel and Wagner won't win on my watch. Mark my words.
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Gegheads go Global
So I haven't blogged in about seven million years, mainly because after weeks of having something to spur my rage on a Monday, I find myself One Tree Hill-less and therefore uninspired. However, after missing Gossip Girl on Wednesday, I proceeded to catch up with it on Thursday, and my, oh my, do I have something to say...
But first things first; Justin Bieber Boyband rule all. Elton John week should surely be a week of excellence, after all, it's Queen Elton John III, Commander of the Globe. But alas. Jazzy Jeff managed to crucify a song that technically he should have been good at. Slash, Brandon Flowers rocked the pink blazer way back in 2004, he got stick for it then and his was Dior Homme not Primark and he was (and is) human perfection not a big fatty fatty fat fatkins. Traget Pajet went to lunch with David Suchet... Hmmm, rhymes... Erm... No. My point was this, he was alright, not great, but when Cheryl went, "That's not a song that I'm familiar with," I actually wanted to die. Don't admit on national television that you are not familiar with one of the most famous songs in the world. 'Crocodile Rock' is a classic, love. Oh, the shame...
Everyone else was average, even Matt and Rebecca. Matt should have sung 'Your Song' and even though Rebecca sounded amazing and looked amazing, 'Candle in the Wind' is quite possibly the most depressingly annoying song in the history of all time. She was wasted on it. But she quickly redeemed herself by using the term 'gegging'. Now for those of you who are not from Merseyside like yours truly, to geg is to put oneself in a situation in which they shouldn't really be. Allow me to contextualise. My friend was invited to a party, but she didn't want to go alone and so asked me to go with her even though I didn't know anyone and wasn't invited myself. I therefore felt as though I was 'gegging in' on the party. I was a 'geghead'. Rebecca felt as though she was 'gegging in' on the Harry Potter premiere. It's kind of like gatecrashing a suppose, but it was just excellent to hear a term I frequently use and am responded to in complete and utter confusion expressed on such a public platform. Prepare for gegging to go global.
I'm going to move swiftly away from the Harry Potter premiere as I had myself intended to go, wand in hand, but being the genius I am, managed to mix my days up. Missing my true loves; Curly Bieber, Asian Bieber and McFly... Not cool. But back to One Direction. THEY NAILED IT. Best performance of theirs by far, and easily the best performance of the night, hands down.
Xtra Factor was of course a total treat. Konnie is really starting to wind me up. Yes, I know I've been going on about how much she irritates me for the past few weeks, but tonight she really got me riled. "I thought Paije was really good last week, but actually, I'm not allowed to give an opinion, so just forget what I just said." Erm... You are clearly insane. What are you talking about? How are you still allowed to be doing this show? I don't ever remember you having this much trouble on Blue Peter. But the worst part was when she was sat with two members of McFly either side of her. I don't think I've ever seen an interviewer ever be so obliviously rude. Every time Danny started to voice an opinion, she would interrupt and turn her back to him to speak to Harry or Tom. Slash, Konnie, you're married and they have girlfriends, and are mine, hands off. Oh my God, I just remembered: "Everybody wants a bit of Zain". Or was it, "I'd like a bit of Zain" or something equally as inappropriate to that effect. Oh dear. McFly were hilarious though, as expected. And they want the Bieber Boyband to win. Applause.
Wagner or Katie will go I think, but I've been wrong every time so who knows/cares.
Gossip Girl. It was excellent; it's really getting back to season one good. And I love that. Chuck and Blair are excellent, Nate is as cute as ever, Lily Bass is still a hero and I'm actually intrigued as to what's going on. I think I posted my theory that jailbird Ben is the guy who went to prison for the murder of that guy that Serena 'killed'. I'm sticking with it. Although I'm probably wrong.
"You're worth so much more than any guest lecturer fee." Oh, Dan Humphrey, you charmer, you. With comments like that you could sweep any girl off their feet. I mean, seriously? They're actually scripting lines like, "you're worth so much more than any guest lecturer fee"? Embarrassing for everyone involved. And the best thing about it, was Serena was all like, "yeah, I know." Erm... stop being a filthy slag. And when she told Blair about Colin, and she was like, "You deserve better," and Serena was like, "Yeah, I know, he should totally give up teaching to be with me." Why should he? Why should he quit his job to be with you? Do you really hold yourself in such high esteem as to think men should just give up their entire lives just to spend an hour with you? Tone it down. And when he did quit his job for her, she then decided she didn't want to be with him after all! WHAT THE HELL?! So you make your would be boyfriend quite his job on the premise that you can be together and then dump him? Classy.
I'm most upset though about Colin leaving, he was so pretty. Slash, Vanessa is one crazy bitch. Obviously, she's always been this annoying idiot in the background causing aggro where there need not be, but she has cranked that crazy up about twenty five notches. I mean, she looked high for most of the episode. She's a genuine psychopath. Over Dan Humphrey as well. He's so irritating! I just... Never will I understand. Does he love Serena? Does he not love Serena? Why does everyone love Serena when she treats people like dirt?! Enraged.
What else..? Take That: Look Back, Don't Stare. Oh, Robbie. Oh, Gary. Oh, Mark. Oh, Howard. Oh, Jason. I mean, realistically, it was quite a boring documentary and failed to ignite any new excitement in me, but having said that, I don't think I could be any more excited than I already am. I'm at the stage where I'm literally shaking at the mention of them. Someone only has to say 'Take' and I'm a hideous mess on the floor. I'm a hideous mess on the floor by the time someone's make the 't' sound. God I love them. The thing is with programmes such as this, is that in a way, they ruin the magic. I don't want to see them fighting. I want to think of them as being bezzies, all having a laugh in the studio, cranking out some of the greatest songs of all time. The Flood is one of their best songs ever. It's unbelievable, and such a good song to relaunch themselves with. I love that Elton John just popped up in this too. In his Adidas trackie. It was an Elton John fest. I love how casual they are with him. I'm pretty sure Robbie called him 'El'. Gangster. He said it best though when he said, "I'm getting tears in my eyes seeing you all back together." It's such an emotional time. Such an emotional time. The dream I've had since I was five has finally come true. But even still, I felt like the documentary was just completely unnecessary; the process has been so highly publicised, we know everything there is to know, but I suppose it's always nice to hear what they have to say themselves. I just worship Gary Barlow. He's so talented it hurts. And I'm literally dying of anticipation for their performance tomorrow. I've said from the beginning that Simon would nail it, and he has. King of the World. Well done, Simon.
Until tomorrow, adieu.
But first things first; Justin Bieber Boyband rule all. Elton John week should surely be a week of excellence, after all, it's Queen Elton John III, Commander of the Globe. But alas. Jazzy Jeff managed to crucify a song that technically he should have been good at. Slash, Brandon Flowers rocked the pink blazer way back in 2004, he got stick for it then and his was Dior Homme not Primark and he was (and is) human perfection not a big fatty fatty fat fatkins. Traget Pajet went to lunch with David Suchet... Hmmm, rhymes... Erm... No. My point was this, he was alright, not great, but when Cheryl went, "That's not a song that I'm familiar with," I actually wanted to die. Don't admit on national television that you are not familiar with one of the most famous songs in the world. 'Crocodile Rock' is a classic, love. Oh, the shame...
Everyone else was average, even Matt and Rebecca. Matt should have sung 'Your Song' and even though Rebecca sounded amazing and looked amazing, 'Candle in the Wind' is quite possibly the most depressingly annoying song in the history of all time. She was wasted on it. But she quickly redeemed herself by using the term 'gegging'. Now for those of you who are not from Merseyside like yours truly, to geg is to put oneself in a situation in which they shouldn't really be. Allow me to contextualise. My friend was invited to a party, but she didn't want to go alone and so asked me to go with her even though I didn't know anyone and wasn't invited myself. I therefore felt as though I was 'gegging in' on the party. I was a 'geghead'. Rebecca felt as though she was 'gegging in' on the Harry Potter premiere. It's kind of like gatecrashing a suppose, but it was just excellent to hear a term I frequently use and am responded to in complete and utter confusion expressed on such a public platform. Prepare for gegging to go global.
I'm going to move swiftly away from the Harry Potter premiere as I had myself intended to go, wand in hand, but being the genius I am, managed to mix my days up. Missing my true loves; Curly Bieber, Asian Bieber and McFly... Not cool. But back to One Direction. THEY NAILED IT. Best performance of theirs by far, and easily the best performance of the night, hands down.
Xtra Factor was of course a total treat. Konnie is really starting to wind me up. Yes, I know I've been going on about how much she irritates me for the past few weeks, but tonight she really got me riled. "I thought Paije was really good last week, but actually, I'm not allowed to give an opinion, so just forget what I just said." Erm... You are clearly insane. What are you talking about? How are you still allowed to be doing this show? I don't ever remember you having this much trouble on Blue Peter. But the worst part was when she was sat with two members of McFly either side of her. I don't think I've ever seen an interviewer ever be so obliviously rude. Every time Danny started to voice an opinion, she would interrupt and turn her back to him to speak to Harry or Tom. Slash, Konnie, you're married and they have girlfriends, and are mine, hands off. Oh my God, I just remembered: "Everybody wants a bit of Zain". Or was it, "I'd like a bit of Zain" or something equally as inappropriate to that effect. Oh dear. McFly were hilarious though, as expected. And they want the Bieber Boyband to win. Applause.
Wagner or Katie will go I think, but I've been wrong every time so who knows/cares.
Gossip Girl. It was excellent; it's really getting back to season one good. And I love that. Chuck and Blair are excellent, Nate is as cute as ever, Lily Bass is still a hero and I'm actually intrigued as to what's going on. I think I posted my theory that jailbird Ben is the guy who went to prison for the murder of that guy that Serena 'killed'. I'm sticking with it. Although I'm probably wrong.
"You're worth so much more than any guest lecturer fee." Oh, Dan Humphrey, you charmer, you. With comments like that you could sweep any girl off their feet. I mean, seriously? They're actually scripting lines like, "you're worth so much more than any guest lecturer fee"? Embarrassing for everyone involved. And the best thing about it, was Serena was all like, "yeah, I know." Erm... stop being a filthy slag. And when she told Blair about Colin, and she was like, "You deserve better," and Serena was like, "Yeah, I know, he should totally give up teaching to be with me." Why should he? Why should he quit his job to be with you? Do you really hold yourself in such high esteem as to think men should just give up their entire lives just to spend an hour with you? Tone it down. And when he did quit his job for her, she then decided she didn't want to be with him after all! WHAT THE HELL?! So you make your would be boyfriend quite his job on the premise that you can be together and then dump him? Classy.
I'm most upset though about Colin leaving, he was so pretty. Slash, Vanessa is one crazy bitch. Obviously, she's always been this annoying idiot in the background causing aggro where there need not be, but she has cranked that crazy up about twenty five notches. I mean, she looked high for most of the episode. She's a genuine psychopath. Over Dan Humphrey as well. He's so irritating! I just... Never will I understand. Does he love Serena? Does he not love Serena? Why does everyone love Serena when she treats people like dirt?! Enraged.
What else..? Take That: Look Back, Don't Stare. Oh, Robbie. Oh, Gary. Oh, Mark. Oh, Howard. Oh, Jason. I mean, realistically, it was quite a boring documentary and failed to ignite any new excitement in me, but having said that, I don't think I could be any more excited than I already am. I'm at the stage where I'm literally shaking at the mention of them. Someone only has to say 'Take' and I'm a hideous mess on the floor. I'm a hideous mess on the floor by the time someone's make the 't' sound. God I love them. The thing is with programmes such as this, is that in a way, they ruin the magic. I don't want to see them fighting. I want to think of them as being bezzies, all having a laugh in the studio, cranking out some of the greatest songs of all time. The Flood is one of their best songs ever. It's unbelievable, and such a good song to relaunch themselves with. I love that Elton John just popped up in this too. In his Adidas trackie. It was an Elton John fest. I love how casual they are with him. I'm pretty sure Robbie called him 'El'. Gangster. He said it best though when he said, "I'm getting tears in my eyes seeing you all back together." It's such an emotional time. Such an emotional time. The dream I've had since I was five has finally come true. But even still, I felt like the documentary was just completely unnecessary; the process has been so highly publicised, we know everything there is to know, but I suppose it's always nice to hear what they have to say themselves. I just worship Gary Barlow. He's so talented it hurts. And I'm literally dying of anticipation for their performance tomorrow. I've said from the beginning that Simon would nail it, and he has. King of the World. Well done, Simon.
Until tomorrow, adieu.
Sunday, 7 November 2010
I'm going to keep this short and sweet...
I hate Katie. She should have gone. The producers messed it up by the order in which the judges were asked who they wanted out; if Cheryl had gone last it would almost certainly have gone to dead lock and we would not be saying farewell to Trake, but instead moaning about how we have to sit through another of her performances next week. However, we (and by we, I mean I) are left filled with a dangerously unhealthy rage level that so far as caused damage to several personal possessions. You can't shout "sod it" in the middle of a song, throw yourself to the ground, forget your words and expect the public to like you. She's such a hideous mess. I get Simon likes her, but what's the point of continually saving her she's hated by the public?! Seriously. Even if he gave her a record deal after, she'd sell less records than Nadine Coyle. There is a reason she's failed so many times and that is because no one likes her pathetic attitude and her insistence on pretending to be 'quirky' and modest. It's so painfully transparent. I HATE HER!
But go Bieber Boyband - they totally nailed it last night. They'll win. I know it. Plus, a bit of partial nudity on the Xtra Factor never hurt anyone. But I'm not going to go any further, as just the mention of the Xtra Factor makes me cringe so hard my body actually spasms and it hurts. It took Konnie three attempts to say the word 'contingent'. Words fail me.
Slash, I am barely able to breathe at the thought of next week's gift of Westlife and Take That. I might literally die of anticipation.
But go Bieber Boyband - they totally nailed it last night. They'll win. I know it. Plus, a bit of partial nudity on the Xtra Factor never hurt anyone. But I'm not going to go any further, as just the mention of the Xtra Factor makes me cringe so hard my body actually spasms and it hurts. It took Konnie three attempts to say the word 'contingent'. Words fail me.
Slash, I am barely able to breathe at the thought of next week's gift of Westlife and Take That. I might literally die of anticipation.
Sunday, 26 September 2010
X Factor
I hate this bit of the X Factor. I hate the way they changed the auditions to be all Britain's Got Talent-esq because it is pointless and irritating. I couldn't care less about the auto-tuning 'scandal' because it was not a scandal at all. A scandal would have been that none of the people who auditioned were actually human and they were actually alien life forms that Simon Cowell managed to create in his lab in LA. Even then though, everything Simon says or does is usually for the good of humanity, so I would have accepted it.
Last night was Boot Camp. I can deal more with Boot Camp then I can with the stupid auditions, but realistically, we're all just waiting for Judge's Houses so we can see what delights Sinitta will be wearing as she 'helps' Simon. Sometimes I think she's the best thing about the show as she strolls around the pool wearing leaves whilst some poor contestant is left to melt in the LA heat in front of the Cowell. It's just excellent. I also love that Louis will usually always bring out a Boyzone or Westlife member, who has absolutely no interest in the process, but he's really let me down this year with Sharon Osbourne. No one cares! Anyway, back to Boot Camp.
I hate that Cher girl, I hate that one that thinks she's Madonna circa 1986/ Freddie Mercury and has a record deal that everyone seems to have forgotten about. I hated that boy who refused to dance and then got another chance! As if! I love Simon when he's being all fatherly, but Simon's at his best when he takes no prisoners, when he beats people down with nothing but his painfully accurate words. Not giving them another chance! And that prostitute girl, Chloe. How has she been given so many chances!? I know Simon feels sorry for her, but she turned up late reeking of booze and vomit! Ewwww! Having said all this, when it ended last night, I was desperate to find out who went through to Judge's Houses, and of course who gets which category. They're always disappointed which is hilarious.
Simon Cowell is the most amazing human being ever. He would be the most amazing uncle ever! He'd spoil you so much but with enough tough love as to not ruin you as a person. It's my dream. And when he winks at the contestants! What a sign of approval! I'd kill for a wink from Simon Cowell. What he says goes. He's always right, even when he's wrong. I don't even know why people try and disagree with him, other than to get their fat faces onto TV. It's like when people argue with the police. YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO WIN! You will get arrested and you will end up being convicted of the murder you comitted. It's just the way the cookie crumbles. He's like some sort of music industry God. He should have been Prime Minister. Yes, I get that all the 'cool' artists think that he's ruining music for the world and ruining culture and society in the process. But if they're that arsed, why go and perform on the show? Oh, I know! All that cash Simon wafts in their face. Idiots. Even as I write this I can hear Mark Ronson's voice on the television declaring his admiration for Simon, even though he thinks the show is craptacular. Simon is King, you will always lose, end of conversation.
But in the end, the genius of X Factor, apart from Our Lord Almighty Simon Cowell, is that even when it's so bad you want to hurt yourself just as some sort of distraction, you can't stop watching it. It''s so addictive. And I love it! My main prediction so far is not about any of the contestants, but that Take That will do their first live performance as a 5 piece on one of the live finals. If Simon can't pull that off, I think my faith in him and my sheer adoration of his being will decrease into non-existance. It's the perfect opportunity. Although I am aware that Gary and Robbie are performing on Strictly at some stage... Come on Si, pull it out the bag; work the magic that all your millions have provided. I bet he will. And it will be excellent.
Last night was Boot Camp. I can deal more with Boot Camp then I can with the stupid auditions, but realistically, we're all just waiting for Judge's Houses so we can see what delights Sinitta will be wearing as she 'helps' Simon. Sometimes I think she's the best thing about the show as she strolls around the pool wearing leaves whilst some poor contestant is left to melt in the LA heat in front of the Cowell. It's just excellent. I also love that Louis will usually always bring out a Boyzone or Westlife member, who has absolutely no interest in the process, but he's really let me down this year with Sharon Osbourne. No one cares! Anyway, back to Boot Camp.
I hate that Cher girl, I hate that one that thinks she's Madonna circa 1986/ Freddie Mercury and has a record deal that everyone seems to have forgotten about. I hated that boy who refused to dance and then got another chance! As if! I love Simon when he's being all fatherly, but Simon's at his best when he takes no prisoners, when he beats people down with nothing but his painfully accurate words. Not giving them another chance! And that prostitute girl, Chloe. How has she been given so many chances!? I know Simon feels sorry for her, but she turned up late reeking of booze and vomit! Ewwww! Having said all this, when it ended last night, I was desperate to find out who went through to Judge's Houses, and of course who gets which category. They're always disappointed which is hilarious.
Simon Cowell is the most amazing human being ever. He would be the most amazing uncle ever! He'd spoil you so much but with enough tough love as to not ruin you as a person. It's my dream. And when he winks at the contestants! What a sign of approval! I'd kill for a wink from Simon Cowell. What he says goes. He's always right, even when he's wrong. I don't even know why people try and disagree with him, other than to get their fat faces onto TV. It's like when people argue with the police. YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO WIN! You will get arrested and you will end up being convicted of the murder you comitted. It's just the way the cookie crumbles. He's like some sort of music industry God. He should have been Prime Minister. Yes, I get that all the 'cool' artists think that he's ruining music for the world and ruining culture and society in the process. But if they're that arsed, why go and perform on the show? Oh, I know! All that cash Simon wafts in their face. Idiots. Even as I write this I can hear Mark Ronson's voice on the television declaring his admiration for Simon, even though he thinks the show is craptacular. Simon is King, you will always lose, end of conversation.
But in the end, the genius of X Factor, apart from Our Lord Almighty Simon Cowell, is that even when it's so bad you want to hurt yourself just as some sort of distraction, you can't stop watching it. It''s so addictive. And I love it! My main prediction so far is not about any of the contestants, but that Take That will do their first live performance as a 5 piece on one of the live finals. If Simon can't pull that off, I think my faith in him and my sheer adoration of his being will decrease into non-existance. It's the perfect opportunity. Although I am aware that Gary and Robbie are performing on Strictly at some stage... Come on Si, pull it out the bag; work the magic that all your millions have provided. I bet he will. And it will be excellent.
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