If you want to open a show well, open it with Take That. A-mazzzzzze-ing. How I love them so. Oh, Robbie. I love that none of it was about him. It was all about them as a band, and, if there hadn't been so much hype about them performing as a 5 piece, it would have been just like any other Take That performance. AMAZING!
Now, I know I have vowed to limit my Bieber talk. That is not going to happen this week I am afraid. That would be because he not only nailed the Grammys on Sunday, but he happens to be in this very country, right this second. He also happened to be at the Brits. Oh, Bieber. I, like the true loser that I am, sat and watched that God awful Dave Berry fronted red carpet programme on ITV2 before hand, just waiting for a glimpse of Bieber. And it was truly dreadful. Amazingly enough, through no fault of Bieber.
Dear Peter Andre, you are such a lovely man and I want so much for you to be good at something, but presenting is really not your thing, Love Alice. x
"Sorry, Justin. We're going to have to do that last question again because we weren't on. I thought I was presenting, but we weren't on air." Note to Andre, you are actually on air now... "Are we on yet...?" Yes Peter, you are on. "Yeah? Are we ready?" PETER YOU ARE ON WITH BIEBER! "Yeah? So, Justin, as an MJ fan yourself..." Dear God, Andre! Pay attention! Just awful. And Bieber was clearly in a rush to get in:
Andre: "Can you do the moonwalk?"
Bieber: "Not on carpet."
Andre: "What about the slide?"
Bieber: "Not on carpet."
Yes, one might say he was dismissive, others may say rude, but realistically, we all know Bieber doesn't tolerate such nonsense on national television. Come on, Peter, know your audience. Tragic.
Now, when Bieber got inside, that's when the magic truly started. I think you'll find that everyone in the world is either fascinated by or deeply obsessed with one Justin Drew Bieber. Take the fact that his name was mentioned about 25 times per minute throughout the entirety of the show. Facebook seemed awash with foolish folk thinking that James Corden, who did a very good job might I add, was ripping the shit out of a poor bewildered Bieber. Alas! I think, on closer inspection, you may be surprised to find that whilst Bieber may have been alarmed at the forward nature of Corden's comedy, he was totally in on the joke. This can be exemplified by the casual stroking of James Corden's face in response to being stroked himself. LOVES IT! Slash, if he really wanted to slag of Bieber, he would have slagged him off. "Oh, good one, James. Way to stick it to Bieber! Get him where it hurts! The hair!" Erm... No. The occasional joke about hairspray and collaboration with Mark Ronson is a weak attempt to offend, I mean, you could at least go for his height, or his intelligence. Therefore I have been lead to the conclusion that it was all in good faith. So more fool you Facebookers of the world. Double slash, if it was meant to be hurtful, you better watch out Corden. No one takes the piss out of Bieber except me. Got it?
I apologise. I sound like the sort of person that creates a Justin Bieber fansite, following him around the world, trying to get him to take a picture with the logo I spent 6 weeks painstakingly creating with my own blood, just to show my loyal followers that Bieber appreciates the hard work gone into running an online shrine to his greatness. I am not that sort of person. I just happen to be a greater supporter of nurturing the talent of today's youth.
And he won anyway! So screw you, fake Bieber haters! Casual kiss for Cheryl Cole as well on the way up. Such a smooth operator. Terrible speech though, JB. I mean, where was God's thank you? I thought it was important to always put God first? Or has the cynicism of the world of celebrity finally taken it's evil toll? Tragic. And bringing Mike on stage... Really? Is that what you really wanted to do? You brought all the jokes on yourself after that I'm afraid. Although, James Corden seemed to be the only one still enjoying the humour in that situation, again suggesting that he was paying awfully close attention to the actions of our favourite little Christian for someone who hates him. SLASH! Avril Lavigne. Who invited you? I wonder if they just thought that they needed someone Canadian to present Bieber with his award, to make him feel comfortable. Or whether she just turned up and walked on stage. I'm guessing the latter. Bless her.
I can't actually remember much else. I was in a Bieber haze.
Rihanna. How could I forget? Of course she was going to go off stage and take all her clothes off! Of course she was going to have tribal dancers. Of course she was going to sing every 9th word over the backing track, parading around with her thunder thighs on display. I have news for you Rihanna, you are not Beyonce. And your music is beyond irritating. And your acceptance speech for your award was more embarrassing than Bieber's. No need for shouting. Just a polite and sincere thank you would have sufficed. Oh God and Cheryl Cole presenting was painful enough as well. "My girl crush!" Really? She has no idea who you are, stop sucking up.
Oh, Robbie. I love that when Take That went up for their award, that the security man was trying to get Robbie to go a certain way, and he was having none of it. Excellent. Complete disregard for authority. There's the Robbie we all know and love. "SHABBA!" I have no idea why he felt the need to shout it twice, but it was funny. Oh, Mark Owen. Your thank you to Robbie was beyond adorable. God, they're so amazing. I love them. Have I ever mentioned that before?
What was most tragic about the whole evening was the unfortunate choice of closing song. Now, Ceelo himself was sounding great, singing the catchiest song in the entire world ever, but wait... What's that? Why is Paloma Faith entering in on a car? And why is she singing? Whoever came up with that collaboration is hopefully sat facing a corner in a rocking chair, smacking their head against the wall. Terrible. She wasn't so much harmonising as singing the song out of time and out of tune. I don't understand why he couldn't have just done it by himself. I know he's not British, but he won an award. And when they were walking down the catwalky bit of the stage and he stood on those stupid bits hanging off the side of her dress and ripped one off... Oh God. It was awful. Painful. I actually put my fingers in my ears. Such a shame, it was all going so well.
I'm glad they've changed it. The Brits have always been slightly embarrassing. And whilst it was still embarrassing, it all seemed slightly more credible somehow. But still. It was all about Bieber. Sorry.
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Monday, 14 February 2011
Oh, Col... The Baftas 2011
Oh dear God. Could more have possibly gone wrong? I don't think so. I always seem to think that the Baftas will be a classy affair, typically English, sophisticated, elegant. I am always, always wrong. It was shambolic to the point of complete humiliation on an international scale.
I don't know what was worse; the fact that The Social Network was even tolerated as an award worthy film on my home turf or Emma Watson being there in general. I'm going to completely bipass the fact that The Fighter wasn't even nominated for Best Film... Although there was the occasional saving grace; casual Dev Patel here, casual Dev Patel there, Andrew Garfield in general, JK Rowling's interesting choice of attire, Colin Firth. Oh, Col...
Right! Let us try and do this as chronologically as possible without getting distracted. Helena Bonham Carter is such a hero. Absolutely hilarious. I'm so glad the creepy mum from Black Swan didn't win. I only had to see her face to know that there is no way in hell I'm getting a decent night's sleep tonight.
Question. Who invited Jessica Alba and Neve Campbell? Why are were they there? I'm pretty sure neither of them have been in anything since 2002 at the latest. Not anything that didn't go direct to DVD anyway. And also, why was Kieran Culkin there? Now, I love me a Culkin, and they do have a sneaky habit of appearing in the most unlikely of places at the most unlikely of times. I'm assuming he's dating Emma Stone as they were sat together and that is the only conceivable explanation of why he was in attendance. Unless he just turned up for jokes. Typical Culkins. Slash, as much as I was enjoying the idea of a Culkin using their cult status to geg into the Baftas, it turns out he is dating Emma Stone. Disappointing on so many levels. Well, not really... Mainly just the one... STOP DISTRACTING ME CULKINS!
Screw the chronology. I'll just try and remember. Oh, Colin. Colin, Colin, Colin. He has a way of making me cry by just speaking. It's actually completely absurd and ludicrous, but he's just so damn cute and articulate and eloquent and fabulous and oh my God, when he thanked his mum and dad, I lost it. I was anticipating something much worse. Something tragic about how much he loves his wife. Thankfully, he was kind and restrained himself. I welled up when he thanked Tom Ford for God's sake. Oh, Colin. I applaud you and your greatness.
And suck it Social Network! In England we appreciate films that actually deserve it. The King's Speech is much more deserving of winning Best Film than The Social Network and we all know it. Well, the Oscars probably don't know it, but I refuse to listen to anything they say until they've sorted Leo out with his award. What's tragic is, is that I really did like The Social Network, but it's gotten to the stage now where it has won so many undeserved awards that I cannot actually physically handle any more. Although watching Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg accept the award on behalf of the painfully underserving David Fincher was beyond adorable. They were so nervous bless them. But doesn't he look lovely in a suit?!
The flow to this is becoming so disjointed that I'm going to have to take this opportunity to apologise, but I need to express my anger about the Harry Potter people before I explode. When I say Harry Potter people, what I really mean is Emma Watson, who tonight was giving Lea Michele a run for her money. YOU'RE PRESENTING AN AWARD FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER! WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING TO CRY/BE SO OVERWHELMED YOU CANNOT SPEAK FOR WELLING UP!? Moron. At least her dress was hideous. She winds me up to the point where I hope they kill Hermione off as a shock twist in the last film. I find it quite hard to believe that JK (I can call her that, we're mates) is as proud as she is claiming to be of the films. She's probably just proud of all the money they've made her, because if we're being honest with ourselves, save for Lucius Malfoy and a casual bit of Gary Oldman, they're pretty terrible and completely irrelevant to the books. But it would appear JK was wearing some sort of drapey snakeskin print, so she's clearly lost her mind. The best thing about the whole Harry Potter at the Bafta's saga was hands down Stephen Fry. Was it me, or was he the tiniest bit drunk? It can't just be me. He was slurring his words, calling people by the wrong name, swaying slightly. Excellent. Well done, Stephen.
Oh! And thinking of more disasters, what was going on with Rosamond Pike? "Oh, the autocue's gone, I'm sorry. Yes, the original screenplay is very important... It's very important because... You see, as actors we need a good original screenplay..." Enter Dominic Cooper, who's only response was, "Help me get off stage." Oh dear God. And then going to announce the winner before the nominations had even been read out. Jesus Christ. It's not even really live, I don't understand how they could have allowed all that nonsense into the edit. I know they don't have much time, but they had no issue cutting off Mr King's Speech Screenwriter off mid flow with a casual cut to the audience. Terrible. He was so adorable coming to think of it.
Oh my God. The saddest of them all, Sir Christopher Lee. Bless him! I love him. When he walked on, it literally killed me. With his little cane and his little shuffley feet. I literally lost my mind. And it clearly meant so much to him, although it did give Emma Watson yet another excuse to bring out the crocodile tears. She probably doesn't even know who he is. I can't deal with old people. It's too tragic. He was so lovely and eloquent but still, so tragic.
So, overall, it was so poorly put on. I mean, how hard is it to make sure the autocue is going to work? People do it every freakin' day! No wonder most of the nominees don't even bother to show up to the Baftas any more. They clearly have no relevance to the rest of award's season. Although they deserve snaps for giving The King's Speech so many over the film that has become the bane of my life despite the fact I loved it. Oh, such a conflict between heart and mind...
I don't know what was worse; the fact that The Social Network was even tolerated as an award worthy film on my home turf or Emma Watson being there in general. I'm going to completely bipass the fact that The Fighter wasn't even nominated for Best Film... Although there was the occasional saving grace; casual Dev Patel here, casual Dev Patel there, Andrew Garfield in general, JK Rowling's interesting choice of attire, Colin Firth. Oh, Col...
Right! Let us try and do this as chronologically as possible without getting distracted. Helena Bonham Carter is such a hero. Absolutely hilarious. I'm so glad the creepy mum from Black Swan didn't win. I only had to see her face to know that there is no way in hell I'm getting a decent night's sleep tonight.
Question. Who invited Jessica Alba and Neve Campbell? Why are were they there? I'm pretty sure neither of them have been in anything since 2002 at the latest. Not anything that didn't go direct to DVD anyway. And also, why was Kieran Culkin there? Now, I love me a Culkin, and they do have a sneaky habit of appearing in the most unlikely of places at the most unlikely of times. I'm assuming he's dating Emma Stone as they were sat together and that is the only conceivable explanation of why he was in attendance. Unless he just turned up for jokes. Typical Culkins. Slash, as much as I was enjoying the idea of a Culkin using their cult status to geg into the Baftas, it turns out he is dating Emma Stone. Disappointing on so many levels. Well, not really... Mainly just the one... STOP DISTRACTING ME CULKINS!
Screw the chronology. I'll just try and remember. Oh, Colin. Colin, Colin, Colin. He has a way of making me cry by just speaking. It's actually completely absurd and ludicrous, but he's just so damn cute and articulate and eloquent and fabulous and oh my God, when he thanked his mum and dad, I lost it. I was anticipating something much worse. Something tragic about how much he loves his wife. Thankfully, he was kind and restrained himself. I welled up when he thanked Tom Ford for God's sake. Oh, Colin. I applaud you and your greatness.
And suck it Social Network! In England we appreciate films that actually deserve it. The King's Speech is much more deserving of winning Best Film than The Social Network and we all know it. Well, the Oscars probably don't know it, but I refuse to listen to anything they say until they've sorted Leo out with his award. What's tragic is, is that I really did like The Social Network, but it's gotten to the stage now where it has won so many undeserved awards that I cannot actually physically handle any more. Although watching Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg accept the award on behalf of the painfully underserving David Fincher was beyond adorable. They were so nervous bless them. But doesn't he look lovely in a suit?!
The flow to this is becoming so disjointed that I'm going to have to take this opportunity to apologise, but I need to express my anger about the Harry Potter people before I explode. When I say Harry Potter people, what I really mean is Emma Watson, who tonight was giving Lea Michele a run for her money. YOU'RE PRESENTING AN AWARD FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER! WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING TO CRY/BE SO OVERWHELMED YOU CANNOT SPEAK FOR WELLING UP!? Moron. At least her dress was hideous. She winds me up to the point where I hope they kill Hermione off as a shock twist in the last film. I find it quite hard to believe that JK (I can call her that, we're mates) is as proud as she is claiming to be of the films. She's probably just proud of all the money they've made her, because if we're being honest with ourselves, save for Lucius Malfoy and a casual bit of Gary Oldman, they're pretty terrible and completely irrelevant to the books. But it would appear JK was wearing some sort of drapey snakeskin print, so she's clearly lost her mind. The best thing about the whole Harry Potter at the Bafta's saga was hands down Stephen Fry. Was it me, or was he the tiniest bit drunk? It can't just be me. He was slurring his words, calling people by the wrong name, swaying slightly. Excellent. Well done, Stephen.
Oh! And thinking of more disasters, what was going on with Rosamond Pike? "Oh, the autocue's gone, I'm sorry. Yes, the original screenplay is very important... It's very important because... You see, as actors we need a good original screenplay..." Enter Dominic Cooper, who's only response was, "Help me get off stage." Oh dear God. And then going to announce the winner before the nominations had even been read out. Jesus Christ. It's not even really live, I don't understand how they could have allowed all that nonsense into the edit. I know they don't have much time, but they had no issue cutting off Mr King's Speech Screenwriter off mid flow with a casual cut to the audience. Terrible. He was so adorable coming to think of it.
Oh my God. The saddest of them all, Sir Christopher Lee. Bless him! I love him. When he walked on, it literally killed me. With his little cane and his little shuffley feet. I literally lost my mind. And it clearly meant so much to him, although it did give Emma Watson yet another excuse to bring out the crocodile tears. She probably doesn't even know who he is. I can't deal with old people. It's too tragic. He was so lovely and eloquent but still, so tragic.
So, overall, it was so poorly put on. I mean, how hard is it to make sure the autocue is going to work? People do it every freakin' day! No wonder most of the nominees don't even bother to show up to the Baftas any more. They clearly have no relevance to the rest of award's season. Although they deserve snaps for giving The King's Speech so many over the film that has become the bane of my life despite the fact I loved it. Oh, such a conflict between heart and mind...
Thursday, 10 February 2011
TV Round-up of Despair
I'm actually shocked at how these programmes continue to get made. Seriously. I'm at a loss for any valid reasoning. Well, I suppose idiots like me watch them with the view to rip them completely to shreds upon their highly anticipated ending.
Let's start with Tuesday's 902109876. Realistically, I don't care about any of them. Not one. So, previously, Dixon thought he had HIV, so instead of telling Ivy that he might have HIV, he told her he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend who, for all he knew, had given him HIV, leading a distressed Ivy to sleep with the fake English man. Tragedy. We all know that fake English man has been shagging Ivy's man of a mother in an attempt to "ruin" their family. I enjoy that Dixon genuinely thought that Ivy would just shrug off the whole thing and get back together with him. "Don't worry, I don't love my ex, I just thought I had HIV! It's fine!" Idiot. I also enjoy the way in which fake English man decided to reveal to Ivy and her man of a mother his "evil" plan. It's a pretty weak plan to "ruin" lives to be perfectly honest. I mean, he's not even attractive. And he's also not really English. "I suppose you've heard that Ivy and I had sex. But Ivy! Did you know that me and your hideous mother have also been doing it all summer long?! DA DAAAAAAHHHH! [Cue jazz hands]" Well, I've certainly learnt never to mess with Oscar's family. Oh, wait... No, I think now I'd want to mess with them more. They're clearly all idiots.
No one cares about Annie and her relationship with Liam's brother. We all know Liam's brother, I'm wanting to call him Charlie but I don't really care, is only jealous of Liam because Liam is fit and he is not. Tragic, but true. And, in the real world, neither of them would be interested in Annie anyway because she is a whingey little bitch. Although, bless her heart, she was willing to sell her eggs for $20,000 so her mum could pay the bills. Erm... How about sell your massive mansion and move somewhere else? That would be a start. Whatever happened to the grandma they were staying with? Anyway... Annie's hair was also terrible. I don't really care about Adrianna and her psycho manager. We all know she's going to end up doing drugs again or something equally as tedious, then Naveed will break up with her again, blah blah blaaahauasubiuabrv. No one cares. Although, I am confused as to why Naveed's role has been cut down so much when he's one of the funniest ones.
I am enjoying that Jen is insistent upon calling her baby Jaques. That is genius. Well done scriptwriters, for once you've done something right. I laugh every time I hear the name. I just hope it was intentionally funny, otherwise... But I also love psycho bitch Jen. I love that she genuinely wants to kill Mr Cannon. Excellent. Slash, why is Annie's mum Jen's nanny? Crazy. But yeah. However, I know where this storyline is going and am enraged with it's terribleness. The End
Gossip Girl! Oh, Josh Schwartz. What's going on? I hope you've not completely lost your mind as is being currently being suggested on screen. Just awful. It's like the show has come back after the mid-winter break and all the story lines before have been forgotten. It's like a completely different show, which I'm finding hard to understand. Serena needs some sort of character make-over. I HATE HER! He genuine stupidity and naivety fills me with so much rage I'm close to smashing up my room. And her hair used to be so nice, but apparently, you don't need to brush it any more. It's chic to look as though you've been dragged through a hedge backwards, had your head stuck down a dirty toilet bowl and then left it for 3 weeks. Oh wait. BRUSH YOUR FUCKING HAIR! Eric, apart from being a completely different size of human to the rest of the cast, is also being an idiot. I know it's not his fault he's small, but when you've cast a 5' 10" blonde to play his sister, giving him appalling highlights that you get rid of after 4 episodes is not going to cut it. Poor casting. But I hate that just because Lily is trying to stay out of prison and not let the gay guy from Spin City buy her business, Eric's all like, "Oh, I need to buy drugs, no one's paying me any attention! Woe is me!" Idiot. No one cares about you any way, except Jonathan, who I genuinely feel sorry for. If Blair and Dan get together, I swear on the name of our Lord, Justin Bieber, that I will fly to New York and personally bitch slap Josh Schwartz. No no no no no no no! No friendship group is that incestuous. And Blair is way too good for Dan. Blair is the only good young one. Except for Nate, and that's only because he's beautiful; his story lines are really starting to grate and I have no idea what's going on with his hair. Chuck is a moron. I almost typed Mormon. That would have been humorous. Erm... I like Ben. Although, I judge him for loving Serena. He just looks so clean and adorable. But we all know he's going to be yet another psychopath. Tragic really.
Beauty and the Beast. Is it just me or is that man who goes round interviewing people a real tit? I know he's got a facial disfigurement, I know he must have had a hard life, I know that people must be horrible and prejudiced towards him, but does that really allow you to be a complete knob? I don't think so. I know he's been asked to go and speak to all these people in the fashion world and the advertising world and the music world about why we're so image obsessed, but realistically, I wouldn't buy clothes from me, let alone him. Especially him now he's turned out to be such an arse. There's no point being rude about it! It's not their fault! He irritates me beyond belief.
That woman was beyond hideous. Sarah, was it? Why, oh why, would you keep getting plastic surgery when it just made you end up looking like that? I don't think it helped that she clearly had no taste or any concept of her age. I mean, she says she's beauty obsessed, but her extensions were beyond matted, her hair colour of choice was yellow, her false eyelashes made her look as if she had lazy eyes, and her skin was awful. Wrap that up in pink PVC and I'm surprised people in the street aren't blinded. And that silver dress! She is the definition of space sausage. And her inability to even try and empathise with the other woman was quite shocking. I'm pretty sure the last thing poor old Susan wanted was to be turned into a glamour model. Bless. Nice idea though... Oh, wait. Sorry. I meant TERRIBLE idea. Quite possibly the worst idea ever. And her laugh is about as fake as Lea Michele's tears at the Golden Globes. Why do I watch shows that just end up making me angry? When I'm 30 and in a mental institution, this will be why. Damn you, Channel 4!
I think that's about it. I wish there was something new on. Scratch that, I wish I had Sky. That would solve all my problems.
Let's start with Tuesday's 902109876. Realistically, I don't care about any of them. Not one. So, previously, Dixon thought he had HIV, so instead of telling Ivy that he might have HIV, he told her he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend who, for all he knew, had given him HIV, leading a distressed Ivy to sleep with the fake English man. Tragedy. We all know that fake English man has been shagging Ivy's man of a mother in an attempt to "ruin" their family. I enjoy that Dixon genuinely thought that Ivy would just shrug off the whole thing and get back together with him. "Don't worry, I don't love my ex, I just thought I had HIV! It's fine!" Idiot. I also enjoy the way in which fake English man decided to reveal to Ivy and her man of a mother his "evil" plan. It's a pretty weak plan to "ruin" lives to be perfectly honest. I mean, he's not even attractive. And he's also not really English. "I suppose you've heard that Ivy and I had sex. But Ivy! Did you know that me and your hideous mother have also been doing it all summer long?! DA DAAAAAAHHHH! [Cue jazz hands]" Well, I've certainly learnt never to mess with Oscar's family. Oh, wait... No, I think now I'd want to mess with them more. They're clearly all idiots.
No one cares about Annie and her relationship with Liam's brother. We all know Liam's brother, I'm wanting to call him Charlie but I don't really care, is only jealous of Liam because Liam is fit and he is not. Tragic, but true. And, in the real world, neither of them would be interested in Annie anyway because she is a whingey little bitch. Although, bless her heart, she was willing to sell her eggs for $20,000 so her mum could pay the bills. Erm... How about sell your massive mansion and move somewhere else? That would be a start. Whatever happened to the grandma they were staying with? Anyway... Annie's hair was also terrible. I don't really care about Adrianna and her psycho manager. We all know she's going to end up doing drugs again or something equally as tedious, then Naveed will break up with her again, blah blah blaaahauasubiuabrv. No one cares. Although, I am confused as to why Naveed's role has been cut down so much when he's one of the funniest ones.
I am enjoying that Jen is insistent upon calling her baby Jaques. That is genius. Well done scriptwriters, for once you've done something right. I laugh every time I hear the name. I just hope it was intentionally funny, otherwise... But I also love psycho bitch Jen. I love that she genuinely wants to kill Mr Cannon. Excellent. Slash, why is Annie's mum Jen's nanny? Crazy. But yeah. However, I know where this storyline is going and am enraged with it's terribleness. The End
Gossip Girl! Oh, Josh Schwartz. What's going on? I hope you've not completely lost your mind as is being currently being suggested on screen. Just awful. It's like the show has come back after the mid-winter break and all the story lines before have been forgotten. It's like a completely different show, which I'm finding hard to understand. Serena needs some sort of character make-over. I HATE HER! He genuine stupidity and naivety fills me with so much rage I'm close to smashing up my room. And her hair used to be so nice, but apparently, you don't need to brush it any more. It's chic to look as though you've been dragged through a hedge backwards, had your head stuck down a dirty toilet bowl and then left it for 3 weeks. Oh wait. BRUSH YOUR FUCKING HAIR! Eric, apart from being a completely different size of human to the rest of the cast, is also being an idiot. I know it's not his fault he's small, but when you've cast a 5' 10" blonde to play his sister, giving him appalling highlights that you get rid of after 4 episodes is not going to cut it. Poor casting. But I hate that just because Lily is trying to stay out of prison and not let the gay guy from Spin City buy her business, Eric's all like, "Oh, I need to buy drugs, no one's paying me any attention! Woe is me!" Idiot. No one cares about you any way, except Jonathan, who I genuinely feel sorry for. If Blair and Dan get together, I swear on the name of our Lord, Justin Bieber, that I will fly to New York and personally bitch slap Josh Schwartz. No no no no no no no! No friendship group is that incestuous. And Blair is way too good for Dan. Blair is the only good young one. Except for Nate, and that's only because he's beautiful; his story lines are really starting to grate and I have no idea what's going on with his hair. Chuck is a moron. I almost typed Mormon. That would have been humorous. Erm... I like Ben. Although, I judge him for loving Serena. He just looks so clean and adorable. But we all know he's going to be yet another psychopath. Tragic really.
Beauty and the Beast. Is it just me or is that man who goes round interviewing people a real tit? I know he's got a facial disfigurement, I know he must have had a hard life, I know that people must be horrible and prejudiced towards him, but does that really allow you to be a complete knob? I don't think so. I know he's been asked to go and speak to all these people in the fashion world and the advertising world and the music world about why we're so image obsessed, but realistically, I wouldn't buy clothes from me, let alone him. Especially him now he's turned out to be such an arse. There's no point being rude about it! It's not their fault! He irritates me beyond belief.
That woman was beyond hideous. Sarah, was it? Why, oh why, would you keep getting plastic surgery when it just made you end up looking like that? I don't think it helped that she clearly had no taste or any concept of her age. I mean, she says she's beauty obsessed, but her extensions were beyond matted, her hair colour of choice was yellow, her false eyelashes made her look as if she had lazy eyes, and her skin was awful. Wrap that up in pink PVC and I'm surprised people in the street aren't blinded. And that silver dress! She is the definition of space sausage. And her inability to even try and empathise with the other woman was quite shocking. I'm pretty sure the last thing poor old Susan wanted was to be turned into a glamour model. Bless. Nice idea though... Oh, wait. Sorry. I meant TERRIBLE idea. Quite possibly the worst idea ever. And her laugh is about as fake as Lea Michele's tears at the Golden Globes. Why do I watch shows that just end up making me angry? When I'm 30 and in a mental institution, this will be why. Damn you, Channel 4!
I think that's about it. I wish there was something new on. Scratch that, I wish I had Sky. That would solve all my problems.
Thursday, 3 February 2011
The Fighter
Oh my God. I swear, on all that is viewed as holy and sacred in this world, that if The Social Network wins Best Picture at the Oscars, I'm boarding the next flight to LA and burning the Academy to the ground. After seeing three of the competing films, I am 100% certain that The Social Network is quite possibly the worst of them all. And The Fighter is the best...
Oh my God. Oh MY GOD, it was brilliant! Someone get me a laminator, I'm making me a brand new Marky Mark lunchbox. He is so freakin' amazing, I can't even begin to express it. I'm now even more enraged that he is not nominated for Best Actor. He wouldn't win, we all know Col 'Older than my dad' Firth will win, but he deserves a nomination. More than Jesse freakin' Eisenberg anyway... I loved it! I loved it so much. Yes, I think that most of the hysteria in my tone is due to the fact that Mark Wahlberg is painfully attractive, but even so, the film itself was just unbelievable.
Amy Adams was even good. And I hate her. Melissa Leo deserves every award she gets - she's amazing. And they may as well just hand Christian Bale the award now so he doesn't have to show up and pretend to enjoy himself. Although I am greatly looking forward to another psychotic acceptance speech. He made the film. He was genuinely fantastic. I don't even know what else to say... When something is this good, you have to fight the urge to gush like a lunatic to avoid making a total knob of yourself. But all I can do is gush. The entire cast was amazing. From his dad, to Sugar Ray Leonard's cameo, to the sisters, to the police man.
When they broke his hand, I was so upset. It was genuinely a devastating moment. All he wanted to do was protect his brother and they brake his hand and arrest him. So tragic. And when he cried! I refuse, after this film in particular, to ever take abuse about Mark Wahlberg's acting ever again. He's Oscar nominated for Christ's sake! You cannot see this film and leave with the opinion that he cannot act. He can. And he can do it better than the entire cast of The Social Network, I'll tell you that for nothing. The thing I love about Mark Wahlberg is that he always plays the part down. It's probably why he hasn't won an Oscar, yet. But I love that about him. He doesn't try and oversell the character. He makes the character real. And I always think it's harder to play a character that is for all intents and purposes, 'normal'. I would never wish to take away from Christian Bale's performance, but he was playing a crack addict. There's stuff to work on there. When you're playing a normal guy, it's easier to make the character feel contrived and look like you're trying to hard. Can you tell I did AS Level Drama? But Micky felt very real. Bravo, Marky Mark!
It was funny, it was sad, it was tense. For his last fight, I was literally on the edge of my seat, telepathically willing him on to win. All I could think was, 'If he doesn't win, I'm walking out right now, I don't care what happened in real life, he has to win in the film.' I think I actually applauded. I was grinning from ear to ear.
Now The King's Speech is one hell of an uplifting film, from start to finish, but the overwhelming sense of redemption and relief and joy at the climax of this film, would beat The King's Speech to the ground any day. It would literally throw it to the floor and stamp on it. Triumph. Triumphant is a good way to describe it, in all sense of the word's meaning. I think that because it was real, and because Marky Mark was so passionate about it, and loved Micky and Dicky so much and the way it was directed, it felt as though they wanted to make the film to genuinely tell the story. And it's such a great story. And it was so realistic. Even the fighting, The fighting was unreal, actual fighting. And whilst at times I was screaming (in my head of course), 'No! Not his beautiful face! Get off his beautiful face!' it was totally necessary. It's obviously choreographed to ensure that they don't kill each other, but if it had been completely staged, a la WWE, then it would have ruined the whole film. Everything about it was authentic. Oh my God, I freakin' LOVED IT!
I am now going to become a boxer. Casual jab here, casual jab there. I think I'd be excellent.
There was only one thing that let it down. One thing. And I wasn't even going to mention it, but I'm going to. At the end, when they go to 'London' to fight that guy, Shea Neary. Yeah... That was... interesting. Liverpool's finest... I have no idea who or what the actor was trying to portray, but it was no Scouse Irishman. Perhaps a Scottish retard. I don't know. But his accent was beyond terrible. Just appalling. I do believe the phrase 'embarrassing for everyone involved' was used. Having said that, his speaking part was very small and Marky Mark beat the shit out of him anyway, so it was fine. Probably for ruining to film.
I think I have quite possibly made this film sound dreadful. But I can assure you that it is not. I can also guarantee that it is the best film I have seen so far this year, and I am desperate to see it again. My final guarantee is that the Academy will be receiving a particularly angry letter when they choose The Social Network, because it doesn't even begin to try and compare to the genius that is The Fighter.
Oh my God. Oh MY GOD, it was brilliant! Someone get me a laminator, I'm making me a brand new Marky Mark lunchbox. He is so freakin' amazing, I can't even begin to express it. I'm now even more enraged that he is not nominated for Best Actor. He wouldn't win, we all know Col 'Older than my dad' Firth will win, but he deserves a nomination. More than Jesse freakin' Eisenberg anyway... I loved it! I loved it so much. Yes, I think that most of the hysteria in my tone is due to the fact that Mark Wahlberg is painfully attractive, but even so, the film itself was just unbelievable.
Amy Adams was even good. And I hate her. Melissa Leo deserves every award she gets - she's amazing. And they may as well just hand Christian Bale the award now so he doesn't have to show up and pretend to enjoy himself. Although I am greatly looking forward to another psychotic acceptance speech. He made the film. He was genuinely fantastic. I don't even know what else to say... When something is this good, you have to fight the urge to gush like a lunatic to avoid making a total knob of yourself. But all I can do is gush. The entire cast was amazing. From his dad, to Sugar Ray Leonard's cameo, to the sisters, to the police man.
When they broke his hand, I was so upset. It was genuinely a devastating moment. All he wanted to do was protect his brother and they brake his hand and arrest him. So tragic. And when he cried! I refuse, after this film in particular, to ever take abuse about Mark Wahlberg's acting ever again. He's Oscar nominated for Christ's sake! You cannot see this film and leave with the opinion that he cannot act. He can. And he can do it better than the entire cast of The Social Network, I'll tell you that for nothing. The thing I love about Mark Wahlberg is that he always plays the part down. It's probably why he hasn't won an Oscar, yet. But I love that about him. He doesn't try and oversell the character. He makes the character real. And I always think it's harder to play a character that is for all intents and purposes, 'normal'. I would never wish to take away from Christian Bale's performance, but he was playing a crack addict. There's stuff to work on there. When you're playing a normal guy, it's easier to make the character feel contrived and look like you're trying to hard. Can you tell I did AS Level Drama? But Micky felt very real. Bravo, Marky Mark!
It was funny, it was sad, it was tense. For his last fight, I was literally on the edge of my seat, telepathically willing him on to win. All I could think was, 'If he doesn't win, I'm walking out right now, I don't care what happened in real life, he has to win in the film.' I think I actually applauded. I was grinning from ear to ear.
Now The King's Speech is one hell of an uplifting film, from start to finish, but the overwhelming sense of redemption and relief and joy at the climax of this film, would beat The King's Speech to the ground any day. It would literally throw it to the floor and stamp on it. Triumph. Triumphant is a good way to describe it, in all sense of the word's meaning. I think that because it was real, and because Marky Mark was so passionate about it, and loved Micky and Dicky so much and the way it was directed, it felt as though they wanted to make the film to genuinely tell the story. And it's such a great story. And it was so realistic. Even the fighting, The fighting was unreal, actual fighting. And whilst at times I was screaming (in my head of course), 'No! Not his beautiful face! Get off his beautiful face!' it was totally necessary. It's obviously choreographed to ensure that they don't kill each other, but if it had been completely staged, a la WWE, then it would have ruined the whole film. Everything about it was authentic. Oh my God, I freakin' LOVED IT!
I am now going to become a boxer. Casual jab here, casual jab there. I think I'd be excellent.
There was only one thing that let it down. One thing. And I wasn't even going to mention it, but I'm going to. At the end, when they go to 'London' to fight that guy, Shea Neary. Yeah... That was... interesting. Liverpool's finest... I have no idea who or what the actor was trying to portray, but it was no Scouse Irishman. Perhaps a Scottish retard. I don't know. But his accent was beyond terrible. Just appalling. I do believe the phrase 'embarrassing for everyone involved' was used. Having said that, his speaking part was very small and Marky Mark beat the shit out of him anyway, so it was fine. Probably for ruining to film.
I think I have quite possibly made this film sound dreadful. But I can assure you that it is not. I can also guarantee that it is the best film I have seen so far this year, and I am desperate to see it again. My final guarantee is that the Academy will be receiving a particularly angry letter when they choose The Social Network, because it doesn't even begin to try and compare to the genius that is The Fighter.
Monday, 31 January 2011
So...
It would appear that Finn was dressed as a priest. This is quite possibly the best and more unexpected thing I have ever seen. He was dressed as a priest. A genuine priest. Excellent.
I am aware that it has been a while since I posted anything of any interest / anything at all. This is due mainly to the fact that there has been nothing new and/or interesting on TV this week and (probably more prominently) the fact that I have spent every last waking hour watching Entourage online. I think you will find that this is a much more reasonable and practical use of my time rather than actually doing the gigantic pile of work cursing me with its evil glare or socialising with members of the outside world, because apparently I don't live in LA and Vincent Chase isn't real. LIES!
But back to the fact that in the midst of the most painfully cringe-worthy piece of television ever created, Finn, the boy who is in fact about 36 and a completely different size of human to the rest of the cast, was dressed as a priest. AN ACTUAL PRIEST! See, they can go from Jerry Big Lips / Boris Johnson's illegitimate love child talking in embarrassing riddles (riddles, actual words... I have no idea what he's saying, I'm far too distracted by the unfortunate case of Elephantitis on the poor boy's face) that make me want to kill myself to absolute comedy genius, in the form of dressing an already humorous looking fellow as a member of the clergy. Congratulations, Glee! You win! I shall continue to torture myself with your appalling story lines and unfortunate head wear choices in the hope that one day, you will once again provide me with the optimum entertainment you managed tonight.
I am aware that it has been a while since I posted anything of any interest / anything at all. This is due mainly to the fact that there has been nothing new and/or interesting on TV this week and (probably more prominently) the fact that I have spent every last waking hour watching Entourage online. I think you will find that this is a much more reasonable and practical use of my time rather than actually doing the gigantic pile of work cursing me with its evil glare or socialising with members of the outside world, because apparently I don't live in LA and Vincent Chase isn't real. LIES!
But back to the fact that in the midst of the most painfully cringe-worthy piece of television ever created, Finn, the boy who is in fact about 36 and a completely different size of human to the rest of the cast, was dressed as a priest. AN ACTUAL PRIEST! See, they can go from Jerry Big Lips / Boris Johnson's illegitimate love child talking in embarrassing riddles (riddles, actual words... I have no idea what he's saying, I'm far too distracted by the unfortunate case of Elephantitis on the poor boy's face) that make me want to kill myself to absolute comedy genius, in the form of dressing an already humorous looking fellow as a member of the clergy. Congratulations, Glee! You win! I shall continue to torture myself with your appalling story lines and unfortunate head wear choices in the hope that one day, you will once again provide me with the optimum entertainment you managed tonight.
Saturday, 22 January 2011
Black Swan
Well I'm more mentally disturbed than I ever hoped to be.
Wow.
The hype around this film worked me into an unhealthy frenzy. It's been advertised for so long now that I actually didn't think they were ever going to release it in the UK, just keep teasing us with all the award nominations and rubbish trailers. I got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the best film I'd ever seen in my life. I then got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the most disappointing film I'd ever seen. I was disappointed, but I can't quite put my finger on why. All I know is that I'm scared of turning my light off to go to sleep...
The beginning was slow, and I feel like the audience was expected to understand all the context surrounding Natalie Portman's character, Nina, without explaining anything. I saw The Nutcracker at the Liverpool Empire when I was about 6 and all I remember is being bored because there were no songs. That is the extent of my ballet knowledge. Oh, and Swan Princess is an excellent film and was based on Swan Lake. You get my point. So it would have been nice to have had a bit of her and her ballet before all the mind scrambling began. It was very boring to start with. Although you always had a sense that something was building, or that something was about to happen at any second, even though it didn't. I think going in expecting that level of tension put me more on edge than if I had gone in knowing nothing about it. But I was far from prepared.
Do you know what? I think it could have been done better. I think that the story itself needed longer to be fully explained, it was all quite squashed into the time, and there were bits I found irrelevant and bits that I wished had been taking into more detail, but realistically, it made the point. And it was great. The constant sense of paranoia; terrifying and claustrophobic and I put most of that down to Natalie Portman's performance, which definitely deserved the Golden Globe, and if it doesn't earn her an Oscar, I will actually eat my hand. She was un-freakin-believable. Her dancing was unreal. Unbelievable. I'm sure if you're a professional dancer, it's probably laughable, but she total dedicated herself to the role. I actually want to be a ballerina, even though I'm pretty sure that's not what the film was going for. And I hate Natalie Portman! She's irritated me in every single thing I've ever seen her in. She will always be Queen Amidala from Star Wars to me. And she deserves to not win the Oscar for making that dreadful film with Ashton Kutcher... But, wow.
The ending was where it was all at for me. When she kept seeing herself in other people throughout the film, I thought it was a bit too melodramatic, but the end, where all she saw was Mila Kunis, and she thought she had killed her. UNFREAKINBELIEVABLE! I loved it. That was the best bit of the film. I wanted the whole thing to be like that. I felt like they were trying to make all the metaphors too obvious at the beginning. Her transferring her frustrations and hatred of herself onto other people, therefore she would she 'herself' everywhere. Naaaaahhhh, twas better the other way, where you actually thought Mila was dead! So much more dramatic, and much more powerful. The only other bit that messed me up like that did was the bit... I'm sorry, I'm scaring myself thinking about it, it's a good job RuPaul's Drag Race is on to bring me back to reality... the bit when she got home and went into the kitchen, washed her hands, left and turned out the light and then heard a voice... Turning the light back on she finds herself drenched in blood standing in a corner... TOO MUCH! NO! MAKE IT STOP! Fuck, there is no way I'm sleeping tonight. I'm way too on edge. I only wish the people upstairs would insist on playing Vietnamese cover versions of Joy Division all night like they did last night... That would relax me slightly...
There were aspects I found comical that definitely weren't meant to be comical. Winona Ryder in general, but particularly the bit where she started stabbing herself in the face with a nail file. It was reminiscent of the cinematic classic, Frankenstein, directed, AND starring Kenneth Branagh, where he creates a mate for the monster, and she ends up setting herself on fire and throwing herself down the stairs. Shouldn't be funny, but it is. It most definitely is.
Darren Aronofsky is clearly a genius. I love that the majority of it was hand held, it was grainy and dull. It made the paranoia, the anxiety all the more real. Which, in hindsight, I don't really appreciate. Thanks, Darren... I'll send you the bill for the sleeping pills. But it makes me all the more angry that he didn't win Best Director at the Globes, and that the film didn't win Best Picture. Having said that, The Social Network did not fill me with a terror so deep I may never be able to turn off the lights or look in mirrors ever again.
I love Vincet Cassel. He was great. That is all I have to say about him. Mila Kunis was also great, but not that great. The mum was amazing. I'm genuinely filled with terror every time I think about her face. God, she was so creepy. AND THE NAIL SCISSORS! Oh, Christ. I've not let my mum cut my nails since I was about 5. It's all about the emery board. On the rare occasions I've had manicures/pedicures, I have point blanc refused to have them actually cut my nails... Poor Natalie Portman. Tragic. AND THE RASH! When the rash rippled through her skin, I thought it was quite poor visually, but I like the idea behind it. The swan taking over her. Nice. And when she finally 'grew' the feathers on stage, that was amazing. I feel like even though some things were physically portrayed too obviously, they made her fall into madness easy to follow. Although it was confusing, I never felt lost. I liked that. I feel cultured rather than stupid.
I don't really know what else to say. The ending made all the bits that annoyed me about it, or bits that I thought could have been better obsolete. It was the most phenomenal ending to the film. It was perfect. The more I think about it, the more breathtaking it actually was... So good! It's worth watching just for the end. Honestly. All I can add is this: Fuck you Golden Globes! The Academy know where it's at. Darren Aronofsky is going to physically destroy David Fincher and his average attempt at film making. However, I have yet to see The Fighter, so I'll let you know who's going to win best film...
Wow.
The hype around this film worked me into an unhealthy frenzy. It's been advertised for so long now that I actually didn't think they were ever going to release it in the UK, just keep teasing us with all the award nominations and rubbish trailers. I got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the best film I'd ever seen in my life. I then got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the most disappointing film I'd ever seen. I was disappointed, but I can't quite put my finger on why. All I know is that I'm scared of turning my light off to go to sleep...
The beginning was slow, and I feel like the audience was expected to understand all the context surrounding Natalie Portman's character, Nina, without explaining anything. I saw The Nutcracker at the Liverpool Empire when I was about 6 and all I remember is being bored because there were no songs. That is the extent of my ballet knowledge. Oh, and Swan Princess is an excellent film and was based on Swan Lake. You get my point. So it would have been nice to have had a bit of her and her ballet before all the mind scrambling began. It was very boring to start with. Although you always had a sense that something was building, or that something was about to happen at any second, even though it didn't. I think going in expecting that level of tension put me more on edge than if I had gone in knowing nothing about it. But I was far from prepared.
Do you know what? I think it could have been done better. I think that the story itself needed longer to be fully explained, it was all quite squashed into the time, and there were bits I found irrelevant and bits that I wished had been taking into more detail, but realistically, it made the point. And it was great. The constant sense of paranoia; terrifying and claustrophobic and I put most of that down to Natalie Portman's performance, which definitely deserved the Golden Globe, and if it doesn't earn her an Oscar, I will actually eat my hand. She was un-freakin-believable. Her dancing was unreal. Unbelievable. I'm sure if you're a professional dancer, it's probably laughable, but she total dedicated herself to the role. I actually want to be a ballerina, even though I'm pretty sure that's not what the film was going for. And I hate Natalie Portman! She's irritated me in every single thing I've ever seen her in. She will always be Queen Amidala from Star Wars to me. And she deserves to not win the Oscar for making that dreadful film with Ashton Kutcher... But, wow.
The ending was where it was all at for me. When she kept seeing herself in other people throughout the film, I thought it was a bit too melodramatic, but the end, where all she saw was Mila Kunis, and she thought she had killed her. UNFREAKINBELIEVABLE! I loved it. That was the best bit of the film. I wanted the whole thing to be like that. I felt like they were trying to make all the metaphors too obvious at the beginning. Her transferring her frustrations and hatred of herself onto other people, therefore she would she 'herself' everywhere. Naaaaahhhh, twas better the other way, where you actually thought Mila was dead! So much more dramatic, and much more powerful. The only other bit that messed me up like that did was the bit... I'm sorry, I'm scaring myself thinking about it, it's a good job RuPaul's Drag Race is on to bring me back to reality... the bit when she got home and went into the kitchen, washed her hands, left and turned out the light and then heard a voice... Turning the light back on she finds herself drenched in blood standing in a corner... TOO MUCH! NO! MAKE IT STOP! Fuck, there is no way I'm sleeping tonight. I'm way too on edge. I only wish the people upstairs would insist on playing Vietnamese cover versions of Joy Division all night like they did last night... That would relax me slightly...
There were aspects I found comical that definitely weren't meant to be comical. Winona Ryder in general, but particularly the bit where she started stabbing herself in the face with a nail file. It was reminiscent of the cinematic classic, Frankenstein, directed, AND starring Kenneth Branagh, where he creates a mate for the monster, and she ends up setting herself on fire and throwing herself down the stairs. Shouldn't be funny, but it is. It most definitely is.
Darren Aronofsky is clearly a genius. I love that the majority of it was hand held, it was grainy and dull. It made the paranoia, the anxiety all the more real. Which, in hindsight, I don't really appreciate. Thanks, Darren... I'll send you the bill for the sleeping pills. But it makes me all the more angry that he didn't win Best Director at the Globes, and that the film didn't win Best Picture. Having said that, The Social Network did not fill me with a terror so deep I may never be able to turn off the lights or look in mirrors ever again.
I love Vincet Cassel. He was great. That is all I have to say about him. Mila Kunis was also great, but not that great. The mum was amazing. I'm genuinely filled with terror every time I think about her face. God, she was so creepy. AND THE NAIL SCISSORS! Oh, Christ. I've not let my mum cut my nails since I was about 5. It's all about the emery board. On the rare occasions I've had manicures/pedicures, I have point blanc refused to have them actually cut my nails... Poor Natalie Portman. Tragic. AND THE RASH! When the rash rippled through her skin, I thought it was quite poor visually, but I like the idea behind it. The swan taking over her. Nice. And when she finally 'grew' the feathers on stage, that was amazing. I feel like even though some things were physically portrayed too obviously, they made her fall into madness easy to follow. Although it was confusing, I never felt lost. I liked that. I feel cultured rather than stupid.
I don't really know what else to say. The ending made all the bits that annoyed me about it, or bits that I thought could have been better obsolete. It was the most phenomenal ending to the film. It was perfect. The more I think about it, the more breathtaking it actually was... So good! It's worth watching just for the end. Honestly. All I can add is this: Fuck you Golden Globes! The Academy know where it's at. Darren Aronofsky is going to physically destroy David Fincher and his average attempt at film making. However, I have yet to see The Fighter, so I'll let you know who's going to win best film...
Thursday, 20 January 2011
10 O'Clock Live
Interesting. I have no idea what to really make of it. On the one hand, it was quite good for a first show, being live and all, with presenters who are more comedians and Lauren Laverne than those who are used to political interviews on live television. However, what weighs down the other hand is what would suggest to me that this show was more embarrassing than funny. The pre-recorded sketches were painful. Lauren Laverne and that other guy doing that E!News skit about the Sudan was about as humorous as undergoing a triple amputation and finding that the only available prostheses were ones you'd have to rip from the arms of dying children. It was agonisingly unfunny.
The bits that worked best were the live interviews, although, the desire to be funny overwhelmed any sense of actual question and answer protocol. I adore David Mitchell anyway, and have been told on many occasions that we would make excellent friends if I wasn't as shallow and ignorant about the world's more serious issues, but he was really good. At least with David Mitchell, it felt like the humour was more natural, that he was finding comedy in the interviewee's response rather than awaiting to see if the answer was relevant to any preprepared material. The best thing was when he kept repeating the full names of those he was interviewing. "Richard Sharp, what do you think? And what about this, Richard Sharp? Erm... Richard Sharp..." So adorable, particularly when Richard Sharp himself went, "You can just call me Richard."
Jimmy Carr was very funny. He is funny. But I only think he's funny when he's interviewing someone intellectually inferior to him. Or at least an easy target. That environmentalist was an easy target, and although Jimmy Carr was able to get a lot of comedy from the situation, the point of the interview was lost, and time had run out before Bjorn, or whatever his name was, had even really begun to mention why he was there. Although, if you're going to go around claiming that building volcanoes is going to help solve global warming, I think you're only fair game. "Some might say, you put the 'mental' in 'environmentalist'." Excellent. Plus a nice gag about Bjorn Again is always going to make me laugh. His Tunisia bit though... Not so good. I saw the aim, and it could have been really funny, but in a live environment, it looked more like some sort of GCSE drama attempt. I would know, I've appeared in many such like it. But I thought he was excellent at keeping the whole thing together, he's quick which is helpful when people are running out of things to say or when the others tell jokes that bomb.
I love Charlie Brooker. I do. Even if his wife is thee worst television presenter of all time. I shall never forget her calling Usher a 'sex-god'... And he was funny. Not very funny. But funny enough. Obviously, it being the first show and everything, there were bound to be nerves, but when you're in the middle of a surprisingly convincing spur of the moment rant, to trip over the punch line and then go back and fix it when it didn't really need to be fixed ruins the illusion somewhat and therefore the whole idea of the joke being funny. What's funny in writing does not necessarily translate onto television. Tragic, because I adore his writing, and even though he writes how I imagine he would speak, it's not the same when you know it's scripted. I don't know... Maybe he'll get better. I hope so.
I'm not sure I even want to comment on Lauren Laverne. The only reason she's really there is because they needed a woman and let's be honest, there are few who are decent enough or in the right vein for the show. She was painful. She's not funny, she tries too hard, and she is clearly quite ignorant of the subject matter being discussed. If you're going to be on a show about politics, at least brush up a bit. Slash, the topics for discussion had clearly been rehearsed, why had someone not pointed out to her that she was talking a load of crap.
Lauren Laverne: "Obviously, with Ed Balls married to Yvette Cooper and them both now being in the cabinet, it might get a bit awkward. What do you think?"
David Mitchell: "Well, they were both in the cabinet together before, so nothing will change..."
Being undermined whilst attempting to sound like you know what you're talking about on live television by a colleague with much greater intelligence must be hard. But that was funny. Quite possibly the funniest bit of the show and (seemingly) unscripted. Excellent.
I'll watch again next week and hope it gets better. I think it has great potential, but I think they're trying too hard and attempting to fit way too much into the time they have. But what do I know? Well, I'm going to suggest a bit more than Lauren Laverne... About comedy anyway.
The bits that worked best were the live interviews, although, the desire to be funny overwhelmed any sense of actual question and answer protocol. I adore David Mitchell anyway, and have been told on many occasions that we would make excellent friends if I wasn't as shallow and ignorant about the world's more serious issues, but he was really good. At least with David Mitchell, it felt like the humour was more natural, that he was finding comedy in the interviewee's response rather than awaiting to see if the answer was relevant to any preprepared material. The best thing was when he kept repeating the full names of those he was interviewing. "Richard Sharp, what do you think? And what about this, Richard Sharp? Erm... Richard Sharp..." So adorable, particularly when Richard Sharp himself went, "You can just call me Richard."
Jimmy Carr was very funny. He is funny. But I only think he's funny when he's interviewing someone intellectually inferior to him. Or at least an easy target. That environmentalist was an easy target, and although Jimmy Carr was able to get a lot of comedy from the situation, the point of the interview was lost, and time had run out before Bjorn, or whatever his name was, had even really begun to mention why he was there. Although, if you're going to go around claiming that building volcanoes is going to help solve global warming, I think you're only fair game. "Some might say, you put the 'mental' in 'environmentalist'." Excellent. Plus a nice gag about Bjorn Again is always going to make me laugh. His Tunisia bit though... Not so good. I saw the aim, and it could have been really funny, but in a live environment, it looked more like some sort of GCSE drama attempt. I would know, I've appeared in many such like it. But I thought he was excellent at keeping the whole thing together, he's quick which is helpful when people are running out of things to say or when the others tell jokes that bomb.
I love Charlie Brooker. I do. Even if his wife is thee worst television presenter of all time. I shall never forget her calling Usher a 'sex-god'... And he was funny. Not very funny. But funny enough. Obviously, it being the first show and everything, there were bound to be nerves, but when you're in the middle of a surprisingly convincing spur of the moment rant, to trip over the punch line and then go back and fix it when it didn't really need to be fixed ruins the illusion somewhat and therefore the whole idea of the joke being funny. What's funny in writing does not necessarily translate onto television. Tragic, because I adore his writing, and even though he writes how I imagine he would speak, it's not the same when you know it's scripted. I don't know... Maybe he'll get better. I hope so.
I'm not sure I even want to comment on Lauren Laverne. The only reason she's really there is because they needed a woman and let's be honest, there are few who are decent enough or in the right vein for the show. She was painful. She's not funny, she tries too hard, and she is clearly quite ignorant of the subject matter being discussed. If you're going to be on a show about politics, at least brush up a bit. Slash, the topics for discussion had clearly been rehearsed, why had someone not pointed out to her that she was talking a load of crap.
Lauren Laverne: "Obviously, with Ed Balls married to Yvette Cooper and them both now being in the cabinet, it might get a bit awkward. What do you think?"
David Mitchell: "Well, they were both in the cabinet together before, so nothing will change..."
Being undermined whilst attempting to sound like you know what you're talking about on live television by a colleague with much greater intelligence must be hard. But that was funny. Quite possibly the funniest bit of the show and (seemingly) unscripted. Excellent.
I'll watch again next week and hope it gets better. I think it has great potential, but I think they're trying too hard and attempting to fit way too much into the time they have. But what do I know? Well, I'm going to suggest a bit more than Lauren Laverne... About comedy anyway.
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