Julian Baker

One Tree Hill now has way too many characters, so much so that the hero that is Julian Baker is not in it enough at all. And let us be honest with ourselves, do we watch it for anything else? No. Except maybe Clay. But not even really for him.

Tonight's episode was another snoozefest, but at least it's starting to hint at more promising things to come. I forget that they're all internationally recognised heroes of industry. There is a town in North Carolina where the majority of the world's biggest celebrities all live, and coincidentally, were all friends before their rise to the A List. Surely it's statistically impossible; that a group of no marks from a no mark town in a no mark state would all become so famous it makes Brad Pitt look like an extra from Hollyoaks. It's ludicrous that they expect us to believe this crap! What's more ludicrous is that they're trying to pass Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott as Quinn's 'younger' sister. She's clearly 47, there is no way in hell she is younger than Quinn. No way. She could play Quinn's mother. Although, I'd like to forget that Quinn and Hayley ever had a mother, as she nearly bored me into a coma the past few weeks.

I love that for Quinn's art show or gallery opening or whatever the hell it was, she turned up and was surprised by how everything was laid out. Surely, surely, being the 'artist' and all, she would have done it herself. And the photos were so random. "We spent an entire week in that village and those girls kept following me around..." An entire week in a third world country?! Well aren't you quite the philanthropist?! Idiot. And that portrait of Clay was hilarious. I love that he wasn't expecting it either, even though it was clearly posed for. And when the actress who played his dead wife and is now playing his stalker who looks like his dead wife showed up, I was thinking, it would be so hilariously cliche if he dropped his drink right now. Whatcha know! And it was so undramatic.

As was Hayley's pregnancy test. When she turned it over, I was expecting there to be some dramatic response in the mirror, or at least a dramatic cut away with some dramatic music, but no. She's too famous for all that. I forget. Oh my God. Why is Nathan still allowed to act? I loved it when he was the rebellious youth, now he's just a boring old man, when actually he's still meant to be about 23. "Your mom's just putting her pretty face on. Well... her prettier face." Smooth, Nate. She can't hear you sucking up to her. Slash, she's hideous with make-up on, especially when she applies it like some sort of evil clown. Christ. And the part where Nathan and Jamie played RockBand. Why do they have KISS costumes just lying around? I mean, the make-up is one unnecessary thing, but the wings and leathers? Erm... no. And it went on for about 5 hours. I understand they were trying to show the bond between Nathan and his son, but realistically, no one cares because he can't act and his son is fat.

Julian's Ryan Atwood complex is still rearing it's head, but now that Brooke's behaving like a reasonable human being again all it's not as frustrating. Slash, Alex is a whore and he shouldn't help her. Who even consents to having sex with the most hideous 'movie star' ever? He's about 2 foot tall with hair worthy of a 15 year old Justin Timberlake. Not a good look. And what is that accent? Where is he from? It was so obvious he was behind the 'leaking' of the sex tape. Poor Julian. Who wants to blackmail him?! He's way too pretty. And $1million? Oh wait, sorry! I forget that they're so famous they're actually worth this. Julian, be normal, let the tape leak and gain free publicity for your shitacious film. No one cares about Alex's mental state, she's an idiot with fat legs. I did love it at the end though when Julian and Brooke were in bed. He might as well have been speaking in Shakespearean verse. No one speaks like that. "You're even more beautiful than in my dreams..." Vom. I'll let it slide Jay, but only because you were topless. Say that shit fully clothed and we'll have to have words.

Oh, and there was that whole Mouth, Skills and Skill's girlfriend who looks like Mouth situation. Does anyone care? No. None of them are attractive enough for us to care. And as soon as Quinn revealed the 'live art', it was so obvious what was going to happen. Skills would catch Mouth and Skill's girlfriend who looks like Mouth together and Victoria and Alexander would also be found out. How stupid is Brooke by the way, not to figure any of this out? Alexander also coincidentally has the hair of a ninties boyband member. I'm thinking something like Richie from 5ive. Is that who had hair like that? I never liked Richie, he had the eyes of a serial killer, and he went out with Billie Piper. I was actually quite upset when they broke up and she got together with Chris Evans. Random.

Anyway, the show is finally getting better, and now that there is a crazy stalker, we're almost guaranteed a good storyline. Hopefully that won't involved Hayley 'I'm so famous' too much. She drives me mad!

Slash, where has Dan Scott gone?