OK, so Cher sang. Great. It's a singing competition. That's what she's meant to do. I still don't like her. I don't think I ever will. It's the permanent scowl on her face that's covered in about 3 inches of orange foundation that makes me really angry. You're 16, you're not a gangsta from da hood. I'm sure she's a really nice girl... when she's not stealing from your bag and taking the loot back to her caravan.
Justin Bieber Boyband nailed it again. What's worrying me the most about the Bieber Boyband obsession is that I have started to refer to them by their actual names. Why is this happening? Why are they becoming real people and not Bieber related novelty items? I'll tell you why... THEY'RE SO FREAKIN' AWESOME. I genuinely thought they nailed it tonight, as always. But even with Original Bieber's near fatal injury, a week spent running over fans in their taxi and Louis Walsh's son being such a complete and utter thicko, they still came out and nailed it. Jay Z's "protégée" Alexis Jordan was just on the Xtra Factor practically dying talking about Curly Bieber. It's spreading. It's Bieber Fever times five. No one is safe.
The Halloween theme was pretty poor all round. I mean, what has Barry Manilow/Take That's classic 'Could It Be Magic' got to do with Halloween at all? It was literally just like, 'Oh, we'll stick some devil horns on Big Fat Mary, and make her try and be sexy, that'll scare all the kids.' It scared me. Please, Mary, I'm begging you. Don't try and be sexy, ever. It's just not going to work for you, and the more and more you try, the less likely they're going to cast you in Chicago. They want to at least imagine that you can pull off the role, and I've been campaigning for you for weeks, please don't mess it up at the last minute.
Treyc is so pointless. Yes, she can sing. Great. But no one will ever ever buy any of her music for two reasons. 1. It'll be shit, 2. No one cares. The same with Paije. Back to Black for Halloween?! Just because black is a scary colour? Good one. After weeks of laughing at Jazzy Jeff, it occurred to me that he actually is Kenan Thompson of Kenan and Kel fame. I don't know how I haven't seen it before! I feel like I've been tricked. I was blind but now I have received my sight back by some miracle of Bieber. Maybe it was the ridiculous 80s get ups.
Matt was good, but not as good as last week. Again, how tenuous a link is 'Bleeding Love' to Halloween? I keep getting distracted, I'm watching Elton John at the Electric Proms, nailing it. I'm also stressing uncontrollably about the clocks going back and what time I'll actually wake up, but there we go... Where was I...? Ah yes, Matt. I still love him, even though he is losing his hair. Let's just hope he suits a shaved head, because that's the way it's going. If they try and spray it on, or dye it... No. Please no. Not worth thinking about.
Rebecca was amazing, as per usual. So much better than Cher. Just because Cher had a bigger production and she's about 3 but looks about 30. She makes me so angry.
Aiden was poor again. But he's just so darn cute. It was really really boring. How can you make Thriller boring? It's so catchy and dancey, but apparently, when Aiden sings it, it becomes the most unexciting, hideously tedious, unmelodic piece of garbage ever. Poor Aiden. He deserves so much better, even with his big fat legs.
Erm... I can't even remember who else there was. Urrrrgggggjbsndguianoinvraio! Wagner. Of course. He's going this week. He has to. There was no comedy element to that performance at all, although I think he may have some stiff competition from Belle Amie, who were equally as awful and forgettable. Katie now appears to just be doing the same performance over and over again to different songs. So boring and she looked like an idiot. That's them all isn't it?
Let's be realistic, Bieber Boyband are going to win. The screams are ludicrous. You couldn't even hear what the judges were saying over the screaming. It wasn't even just young girls, it was everyone. They have a universal love that will last for the rest of time. They'll be taking over the world, one paeodophilic woman at a time. Oh, Bieber...
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