It would appear that Finn was dressed as a priest. This is quite possibly the best and more unexpected thing I have ever seen. He was dressed as a priest. A genuine priest. Excellent.
I am aware that it has been a while since I posted anything of any interest / anything at all. This is due mainly to the fact that there has been nothing new and/or interesting on TV this week and (probably more prominently) the fact that I have spent every last waking hour watching Entourage online. I think you will find that this is a much more reasonable and practical use of my time rather than actually doing the gigantic pile of work cursing me with its evil glare or socialising with members of the outside world, because apparently I don't live in LA and Vincent Chase isn't real. LIES!
But back to the fact that in the midst of the most painfully cringe-worthy piece of television ever created, Finn, the boy who is in fact about 36 and a completely different size of human to the rest of the cast, was dressed as a priest. AN ACTUAL PRIEST! See, they can go from Jerry Big Lips / Boris Johnson's illegitimate love child talking in embarrassing riddles (riddles, actual words... I have no idea what he's saying, I'm far too distracted by the unfortunate case of Elephantitis on the poor boy's face) that make me want to kill myself to absolute comedy genius, in the form of dressing an already humorous looking fellow as a member of the clergy. Congratulations, Glee! You win! I shall continue to torture myself with your appalling story lines and unfortunate head wear choices in the hope that one day, you will once again provide me with the optimum entertainment you managed tonight.
Monday 31 January 2011
Saturday 22 January 2011
Black Swan
Well I'm more mentally disturbed than I ever hoped to be.
Wow.
The hype around this film worked me into an unhealthy frenzy. It's been advertised for so long now that I actually didn't think they were ever going to release it in the UK, just keep teasing us with all the award nominations and rubbish trailers. I got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the best film I'd ever seen in my life. I then got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the most disappointing film I'd ever seen. I was disappointed, but I can't quite put my finger on why. All I know is that I'm scared of turning my light off to go to sleep...
The beginning was slow, and I feel like the audience was expected to understand all the context surrounding Natalie Portman's character, Nina, without explaining anything. I saw The Nutcracker at the Liverpool Empire when I was about 6 and all I remember is being bored because there were no songs. That is the extent of my ballet knowledge. Oh, and Swan Princess is an excellent film and was based on Swan Lake. You get my point. So it would have been nice to have had a bit of her and her ballet before all the mind scrambling began. It was very boring to start with. Although you always had a sense that something was building, or that something was about to happen at any second, even though it didn't. I think going in expecting that level of tension put me more on edge than if I had gone in knowing nothing about it. But I was far from prepared.
Do you know what? I think it could have been done better. I think that the story itself needed longer to be fully explained, it was all quite squashed into the time, and there were bits I found irrelevant and bits that I wished had been taking into more detail, but realistically, it made the point. And it was great. The constant sense of paranoia; terrifying and claustrophobic and I put most of that down to Natalie Portman's performance, which definitely deserved the Golden Globe, and if it doesn't earn her an Oscar, I will actually eat my hand. She was un-freakin-believable. Her dancing was unreal. Unbelievable. I'm sure if you're a professional dancer, it's probably laughable, but she total dedicated herself to the role. I actually want to be a ballerina, even though I'm pretty sure that's not what the film was going for. And I hate Natalie Portman! She's irritated me in every single thing I've ever seen her in. She will always be Queen Amidala from Star Wars to me. And she deserves to not win the Oscar for making that dreadful film with Ashton Kutcher... But, wow.
The ending was where it was all at for me. When she kept seeing herself in other people throughout the film, I thought it was a bit too melodramatic, but the end, where all she saw was Mila Kunis, and she thought she had killed her. UNFREAKINBELIEVABLE! I loved it. That was the best bit of the film. I wanted the whole thing to be like that. I felt like they were trying to make all the metaphors too obvious at the beginning. Her transferring her frustrations and hatred of herself onto other people, therefore she would she 'herself' everywhere. Naaaaahhhh, twas better the other way, where you actually thought Mila was dead! So much more dramatic, and much more powerful. The only other bit that messed me up like that did was the bit... I'm sorry, I'm scaring myself thinking about it, it's a good job RuPaul's Drag Race is on to bring me back to reality... the bit when she got home and went into the kitchen, washed her hands, left and turned out the light and then heard a voice... Turning the light back on she finds herself drenched in blood standing in a corner... TOO MUCH! NO! MAKE IT STOP! Fuck, there is no way I'm sleeping tonight. I'm way too on edge. I only wish the people upstairs would insist on playing Vietnamese cover versions of Joy Division all night like they did last night... That would relax me slightly...
There were aspects I found comical that definitely weren't meant to be comical. Winona Ryder in general, but particularly the bit where she started stabbing herself in the face with a nail file. It was reminiscent of the cinematic classic, Frankenstein, directed, AND starring Kenneth Branagh, where he creates a mate for the monster, and she ends up setting herself on fire and throwing herself down the stairs. Shouldn't be funny, but it is. It most definitely is.
Darren Aronofsky is clearly a genius. I love that the majority of it was hand held, it was grainy and dull. It made the paranoia, the anxiety all the more real. Which, in hindsight, I don't really appreciate. Thanks, Darren... I'll send you the bill for the sleeping pills. But it makes me all the more angry that he didn't win Best Director at the Globes, and that the film didn't win Best Picture. Having said that, The Social Network did not fill me with a terror so deep I may never be able to turn off the lights or look in mirrors ever again.
I love Vincet Cassel. He was great. That is all I have to say about him. Mila Kunis was also great, but not that great. The mum was amazing. I'm genuinely filled with terror every time I think about her face. God, she was so creepy. AND THE NAIL SCISSORS! Oh, Christ. I've not let my mum cut my nails since I was about 5. It's all about the emery board. On the rare occasions I've had manicures/pedicures, I have point blanc refused to have them actually cut my nails... Poor Natalie Portman. Tragic. AND THE RASH! When the rash rippled through her skin, I thought it was quite poor visually, but I like the idea behind it. The swan taking over her. Nice. And when she finally 'grew' the feathers on stage, that was amazing. I feel like even though some things were physically portrayed too obviously, they made her fall into madness easy to follow. Although it was confusing, I never felt lost. I liked that. I feel cultured rather than stupid.
I don't really know what else to say. The ending made all the bits that annoyed me about it, or bits that I thought could have been better obsolete. It was the most phenomenal ending to the film. It was perfect. The more I think about it, the more breathtaking it actually was... So good! It's worth watching just for the end. Honestly. All I can add is this: Fuck you Golden Globes! The Academy know where it's at. Darren Aronofsky is going to physically destroy David Fincher and his average attempt at film making. However, I have yet to see The Fighter, so I'll let you know who's going to win best film...
Wow.
The hype around this film worked me into an unhealthy frenzy. It's been advertised for so long now that I actually didn't think they were ever going to release it in the UK, just keep teasing us with all the award nominations and rubbish trailers. I got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the best film I'd ever seen in my life. I then got to the point where I had convinced myself it was going to be the most disappointing film I'd ever seen. I was disappointed, but I can't quite put my finger on why. All I know is that I'm scared of turning my light off to go to sleep...
The beginning was slow, and I feel like the audience was expected to understand all the context surrounding Natalie Portman's character, Nina, without explaining anything. I saw The Nutcracker at the Liverpool Empire when I was about 6 and all I remember is being bored because there were no songs. That is the extent of my ballet knowledge. Oh, and Swan Princess is an excellent film and was based on Swan Lake. You get my point. So it would have been nice to have had a bit of her and her ballet before all the mind scrambling began. It was very boring to start with. Although you always had a sense that something was building, or that something was about to happen at any second, even though it didn't. I think going in expecting that level of tension put me more on edge than if I had gone in knowing nothing about it. But I was far from prepared.
Do you know what? I think it could have been done better. I think that the story itself needed longer to be fully explained, it was all quite squashed into the time, and there were bits I found irrelevant and bits that I wished had been taking into more detail, but realistically, it made the point. And it was great. The constant sense of paranoia; terrifying and claustrophobic and I put most of that down to Natalie Portman's performance, which definitely deserved the Golden Globe, and if it doesn't earn her an Oscar, I will actually eat my hand. She was un-freakin-believable. Her dancing was unreal. Unbelievable. I'm sure if you're a professional dancer, it's probably laughable, but she total dedicated herself to the role. I actually want to be a ballerina, even though I'm pretty sure that's not what the film was going for. And I hate Natalie Portman! She's irritated me in every single thing I've ever seen her in. She will always be Queen Amidala from Star Wars to me. And she deserves to not win the Oscar for making that dreadful film with Ashton Kutcher... But, wow.
The ending was where it was all at for me. When she kept seeing herself in other people throughout the film, I thought it was a bit too melodramatic, but the end, where all she saw was Mila Kunis, and she thought she had killed her. UNFREAKINBELIEVABLE! I loved it. That was the best bit of the film. I wanted the whole thing to be like that. I felt like they were trying to make all the metaphors too obvious at the beginning. Her transferring her frustrations and hatred of herself onto other people, therefore she would she 'herself' everywhere. Naaaaahhhh, twas better the other way, where you actually thought Mila was dead! So much more dramatic, and much more powerful. The only other bit that messed me up like that did was the bit... I'm sorry, I'm scaring myself thinking about it, it's a good job RuPaul's Drag Race is on to bring me back to reality... the bit when she got home and went into the kitchen, washed her hands, left and turned out the light and then heard a voice... Turning the light back on she finds herself drenched in blood standing in a corner... TOO MUCH! NO! MAKE IT STOP! Fuck, there is no way I'm sleeping tonight. I'm way too on edge. I only wish the people upstairs would insist on playing Vietnamese cover versions of Joy Division all night like they did last night... That would relax me slightly...
There were aspects I found comical that definitely weren't meant to be comical. Winona Ryder in general, but particularly the bit where she started stabbing herself in the face with a nail file. It was reminiscent of the cinematic classic, Frankenstein, directed, AND starring Kenneth Branagh, where he creates a mate for the monster, and she ends up setting herself on fire and throwing herself down the stairs. Shouldn't be funny, but it is. It most definitely is.
Darren Aronofsky is clearly a genius. I love that the majority of it was hand held, it was grainy and dull. It made the paranoia, the anxiety all the more real. Which, in hindsight, I don't really appreciate. Thanks, Darren... I'll send you the bill for the sleeping pills. But it makes me all the more angry that he didn't win Best Director at the Globes, and that the film didn't win Best Picture. Having said that, The Social Network did not fill me with a terror so deep I may never be able to turn off the lights or look in mirrors ever again.
I love Vincet Cassel. He was great. That is all I have to say about him. Mila Kunis was also great, but not that great. The mum was amazing. I'm genuinely filled with terror every time I think about her face. God, she was so creepy. AND THE NAIL SCISSORS! Oh, Christ. I've not let my mum cut my nails since I was about 5. It's all about the emery board. On the rare occasions I've had manicures/pedicures, I have point blanc refused to have them actually cut my nails... Poor Natalie Portman. Tragic. AND THE RASH! When the rash rippled through her skin, I thought it was quite poor visually, but I like the idea behind it. The swan taking over her. Nice. And when she finally 'grew' the feathers on stage, that was amazing. I feel like even though some things were physically portrayed too obviously, they made her fall into madness easy to follow. Although it was confusing, I never felt lost. I liked that. I feel cultured rather than stupid.
I don't really know what else to say. The ending made all the bits that annoyed me about it, or bits that I thought could have been better obsolete. It was the most phenomenal ending to the film. It was perfect. The more I think about it, the more breathtaking it actually was... So good! It's worth watching just for the end. Honestly. All I can add is this: Fuck you Golden Globes! The Academy know where it's at. Darren Aronofsky is going to physically destroy David Fincher and his average attempt at film making. However, I have yet to see The Fighter, so I'll let you know who's going to win best film...
Thursday 20 January 2011
10 O'Clock Live
Interesting. I have no idea what to really make of it. On the one hand, it was quite good for a first show, being live and all, with presenters who are more comedians and Lauren Laverne than those who are used to political interviews on live television. However, what weighs down the other hand is what would suggest to me that this show was more embarrassing than funny. The pre-recorded sketches were painful. Lauren Laverne and that other guy doing that E!News skit about the Sudan was about as humorous as undergoing a triple amputation and finding that the only available prostheses were ones you'd have to rip from the arms of dying children. It was agonisingly unfunny.
The bits that worked best were the live interviews, although, the desire to be funny overwhelmed any sense of actual question and answer protocol. I adore David Mitchell anyway, and have been told on many occasions that we would make excellent friends if I wasn't as shallow and ignorant about the world's more serious issues, but he was really good. At least with David Mitchell, it felt like the humour was more natural, that he was finding comedy in the interviewee's response rather than awaiting to see if the answer was relevant to any preprepared material. The best thing was when he kept repeating the full names of those he was interviewing. "Richard Sharp, what do you think? And what about this, Richard Sharp? Erm... Richard Sharp..." So adorable, particularly when Richard Sharp himself went, "You can just call me Richard."
Jimmy Carr was very funny. He is funny. But I only think he's funny when he's interviewing someone intellectually inferior to him. Or at least an easy target. That environmentalist was an easy target, and although Jimmy Carr was able to get a lot of comedy from the situation, the point of the interview was lost, and time had run out before Bjorn, or whatever his name was, had even really begun to mention why he was there. Although, if you're going to go around claiming that building volcanoes is going to help solve global warming, I think you're only fair game. "Some might say, you put the 'mental' in 'environmentalist'." Excellent. Plus a nice gag about Bjorn Again is always going to make me laugh. His Tunisia bit though... Not so good. I saw the aim, and it could have been really funny, but in a live environment, it looked more like some sort of GCSE drama attempt. I would know, I've appeared in many such like it. But I thought he was excellent at keeping the whole thing together, he's quick which is helpful when people are running out of things to say or when the others tell jokes that bomb.
I love Charlie Brooker. I do. Even if his wife is thee worst television presenter of all time. I shall never forget her calling Usher a 'sex-god'... And he was funny. Not very funny. But funny enough. Obviously, it being the first show and everything, there were bound to be nerves, but when you're in the middle of a surprisingly convincing spur of the moment rant, to trip over the punch line and then go back and fix it when it didn't really need to be fixed ruins the illusion somewhat and therefore the whole idea of the joke being funny. What's funny in writing does not necessarily translate onto television. Tragic, because I adore his writing, and even though he writes how I imagine he would speak, it's not the same when you know it's scripted. I don't know... Maybe he'll get better. I hope so.
I'm not sure I even want to comment on Lauren Laverne. The only reason she's really there is because they needed a woman and let's be honest, there are few who are decent enough or in the right vein for the show. She was painful. She's not funny, she tries too hard, and she is clearly quite ignorant of the subject matter being discussed. If you're going to be on a show about politics, at least brush up a bit. Slash, the topics for discussion had clearly been rehearsed, why had someone not pointed out to her that she was talking a load of crap.
Lauren Laverne: "Obviously, with Ed Balls married to Yvette Cooper and them both now being in the cabinet, it might get a bit awkward. What do you think?"
David Mitchell: "Well, they were both in the cabinet together before, so nothing will change..."
Being undermined whilst attempting to sound like you know what you're talking about on live television by a colleague with much greater intelligence must be hard. But that was funny. Quite possibly the funniest bit of the show and (seemingly) unscripted. Excellent.
I'll watch again next week and hope it gets better. I think it has great potential, but I think they're trying too hard and attempting to fit way too much into the time they have. But what do I know? Well, I'm going to suggest a bit more than Lauren Laverne... About comedy anyway.
The bits that worked best were the live interviews, although, the desire to be funny overwhelmed any sense of actual question and answer protocol. I adore David Mitchell anyway, and have been told on many occasions that we would make excellent friends if I wasn't as shallow and ignorant about the world's more serious issues, but he was really good. At least with David Mitchell, it felt like the humour was more natural, that he was finding comedy in the interviewee's response rather than awaiting to see if the answer was relevant to any preprepared material. The best thing was when he kept repeating the full names of those he was interviewing. "Richard Sharp, what do you think? And what about this, Richard Sharp? Erm... Richard Sharp..." So adorable, particularly when Richard Sharp himself went, "You can just call me Richard."
Jimmy Carr was very funny. He is funny. But I only think he's funny when he's interviewing someone intellectually inferior to him. Or at least an easy target. That environmentalist was an easy target, and although Jimmy Carr was able to get a lot of comedy from the situation, the point of the interview was lost, and time had run out before Bjorn, or whatever his name was, had even really begun to mention why he was there. Although, if you're going to go around claiming that building volcanoes is going to help solve global warming, I think you're only fair game. "Some might say, you put the 'mental' in 'environmentalist'." Excellent. Plus a nice gag about Bjorn Again is always going to make me laugh. His Tunisia bit though... Not so good. I saw the aim, and it could have been really funny, but in a live environment, it looked more like some sort of GCSE drama attempt. I would know, I've appeared in many such like it. But I thought he was excellent at keeping the whole thing together, he's quick which is helpful when people are running out of things to say or when the others tell jokes that bomb.
I love Charlie Brooker. I do. Even if his wife is thee worst television presenter of all time. I shall never forget her calling Usher a 'sex-god'... And he was funny. Not very funny. But funny enough. Obviously, it being the first show and everything, there were bound to be nerves, but when you're in the middle of a surprisingly convincing spur of the moment rant, to trip over the punch line and then go back and fix it when it didn't really need to be fixed ruins the illusion somewhat and therefore the whole idea of the joke being funny. What's funny in writing does not necessarily translate onto television. Tragic, because I adore his writing, and even though he writes how I imagine he would speak, it's not the same when you know it's scripted. I don't know... Maybe he'll get better. I hope so.
I'm not sure I even want to comment on Lauren Laverne. The only reason she's really there is because they needed a woman and let's be honest, there are few who are decent enough or in the right vein for the show. She was painful. She's not funny, she tries too hard, and she is clearly quite ignorant of the subject matter being discussed. If you're going to be on a show about politics, at least brush up a bit. Slash, the topics for discussion had clearly been rehearsed, why had someone not pointed out to her that she was talking a load of crap.
Lauren Laverne: "Obviously, with Ed Balls married to Yvette Cooper and them both now being in the cabinet, it might get a bit awkward. What do you think?"
David Mitchell: "Well, they were both in the cabinet together before, so nothing will change..."
Being undermined whilst attempting to sound like you know what you're talking about on live television by a colleague with much greater intelligence must be hard. But that was funny. Quite possibly the funniest bit of the show and (seemingly) unscripted. Excellent.
I'll watch again next week and hope it gets better. I think it has great potential, but I think they're trying too hard and attempting to fit way too much into the time they have. But what do I know? Well, I'm going to suggest a bit more than Lauren Laverne... About comedy anyway.
GB40
Gary Barlow is 40 years old today everyone. And he's nailed his birthday like only he could.
His concert, thankfully broadcast on Radio 2 so as to avoid mass suicide I am sure, was unbelievable.
Let me give you a slight background into my love. I have idolised Gary Barlow since before I was born. 'How is that possible?' you may ask. Some parents play their unborn children Mozart, others Beethoven, mine Take That. And I was born about 5 months after they released their first single, so it wasn't even the good stuff. I believe I was 2 years of age when I first declared my intention to marry one Gary Barlow. I was 4 when I wrote my name on the album liner notes of one of the greatest albums of all time, 'Take That and Party'. My mother was not amused. I had a life sized Take That poster on my door, a poster that was tragically thrown away when the door got broken and discarded. Fear not, the image remains engraved in my memory. It was so tasteful. I carried a Take That ringbinder around secondary school before they even considered getting back together. My mum still has a leather keyring on her car keys from her original Take That fan club membership. I have a blanket knitted by a friend of Gary's grandmother, something I have been bragging about since I was able to talk. I have seen them twice since they reunited and have tickets for this year's tour. And, most recently, my wonderful auntie managed to get me Gary's actual autograph. It's personalised as well. Don't, I'll cry...
I love him if you haven't guessed. I had his doll. I had all their videos, still do. So for Gary to do this, although I'm suicidal about not being there myself, it has managed to make me, his biggest original fan under the age of 20, the happiest girl in the entire land. Scratch that, his biggest original fan. I'd trample the rest.
His voice is amazing. His songs are amazing. His band are amazing. I have cried four individual times over the duration of the broadcast. His talent knows no bounds. None at all. How can you write 'A Million Love Songs' at 15 and continue to get better and better? It's unthinkable genius. I'm genuinely struggling to comment properly and sufficiently on tonight's performance...
The thing with Gary Barlow, and with Take That in general, is that they represent, for so many people, complete and utter happiness. I know that since the reunion, the others have chipped in with the song writing, but you can tell where the real magic comes from. Not to take anything away from the others because I adore them. But Gary, he's a real hero. I would go as far as to say he is one of the greatest song writers of the past 20 years. He's easily in the top 5. And that's not even bias. A gig like that, in a venue as intimate as the Shepherd's Bush Empire, must have been just magical. One of Gary's main talents is, that even seeing him perform at an 80,000 capacity stadium, he can make it feel as though you're right at the front. I think it's his voice. And his warmth. He's so beautifully Northern and so unapologetic about it. I love that. I think that the general impression of Gary Barlow to those who don't love Take That is that he's some old dad-like man that sings cheesy pop songs. I think a lot of people that he's out of touch and corny. I say that those people are ignorant arses who need to get over themselves. They are wrong. His knowledge of music, his passion for music, his eagerness to learn from newer artists, his eagerness to learn from anyone... He's just Northern. Wonderfully, perfectly Northern. He's so well respected and loved by some of the best people in the music industry (cough, Brandon Flowers, cough) that it is near impossible to discredit him as a musician. Slag him off to Elton John, see what'll happen then...
The only issue I have with tonight's performance was the guests. Ellie Goulding was random and unnecessary and didn't sing particularly well. But that was fine. She was on and off. Here is my main issue: Chris Martin. Now, I like Coldplay. I do not love Coldplay, nor do I love Chris Martin. If anything, he annoys me greatly. But dear God, he was terrible. I was so excited when Gary announced him onto stage and then he proceeded to sing, completely off key and out of tune, one of the greatest songs in the world. Yes, I'm talking about 'Back for Good'. I bet Gwyneth was humiliated. And the thing is, I've seen YouTube videos of them singing it, albeit, with Brandon Flowers and Bono helping, and it was amazing. Maybe it was the pressure of Gary's 40th birthday. And all that Take That fans. That's surely enough to stress any one out, although he deserves no excuses. It was terrible. Thanks for ruining Gary's birthday, Chris. Idiot. Oh, and Jo Whiley butting in every 3 seconds to explain the obvious. That was really annoying. And really really unnecessaary. Thanks, Jo, but I think Gary's got it covered. He always does.
Anyway, Happy Birthday, Gary! Such a great day for the nation. Such a great day for the world. Whilst I declare my adoration for the great man wherever I go without thought or shame, I have never been prouder to be a Gary Barlow die hard.
His concert, thankfully broadcast on Radio 2 so as to avoid mass suicide I am sure, was unbelievable.
Let me give you a slight background into my love. I have idolised Gary Barlow since before I was born. 'How is that possible?' you may ask. Some parents play their unborn children Mozart, others Beethoven, mine Take That. And I was born about 5 months after they released their first single, so it wasn't even the good stuff. I believe I was 2 years of age when I first declared my intention to marry one Gary Barlow. I was 4 when I wrote my name on the album liner notes of one of the greatest albums of all time, 'Take That and Party'. My mother was not amused. I had a life sized Take That poster on my door, a poster that was tragically thrown away when the door got broken and discarded. Fear not, the image remains engraved in my memory. It was so tasteful. I carried a Take That ringbinder around secondary school before they even considered getting back together. My mum still has a leather keyring on her car keys from her original Take That fan club membership. I have a blanket knitted by a friend of Gary's grandmother, something I have been bragging about since I was able to talk. I have seen them twice since they reunited and have tickets for this year's tour. And, most recently, my wonderful auntie managed to get me Gary's actual autograph. It's personalised as well. Don't, I'll cry...
I love him if you haven't guessed. I had his doll. I had all their videos, still do. So for Gary to do this, although I'm suicidal about not being there myself, it has managed to make me, his biggest original fan under the age of 20, the happiest girl in the entire land. Scratch that, his biggest original fan. I'd trample the rest.
His voice is amazing. His songs are amazing. His band are amazing. I have cried four individual times over the duration of the broadcast. His talent knows no bounds. None at all. How can you write 'A Million Love Songs' at 15 and continue to get better and better? It's unthinkable genius. I'm genuinely struggling to comment properly and sufficiently on tonight's performance...
The thing with Gary Barlow, and with Take That in general, is that they represent, for so many people, complete and utter happiness. I know that since the reunion, the others have chipped in with the song writing, but you can tell where the real magic comes from. Not to take anything away from the others because I adore them. But Gary, he's a real hero. I would go as far as to say he is one of the greatest song writers of the past 20 years. He's easily in the top 5. And that's not even bias. A gig like that, in a venue as intimate as the Shepherd's Bush Empire, must have been just magical. One of Gary's main talents is, that even seeing him perform at an 80,000 capacity stadium, he can make it feel as though you're right at the front. I think it's his voice. And his warmth. He's so beautifully Northern and so unapologetic about it. I love that. I think that the general impression of Gary Barlow to those who don't love Take That is that he's some old dad-like man that sings cheesy pop songs. I think a lot of people that he's out of touch and corny. I say that those people are ignorant arses who need to get over themselves. They are wrong. His knowledge of music, his passion for music, his eagerness to learn from newer artists, his eagerness to learn from anyone... He's just Northern. Wonderfully, perfectly Northern. He's so well respected and loved by some of the best people in the music industry (cough, Brandon Flowers, cough) that it is near impossible to discredit him as a musician. Slag him off to Elton John, see what'll happen then...
The only issue I have with tonight's performance was the guests. Ellie Goulding was random and unnecessary and didn't sing particularly well. But that was fine. She was on and off. Here is my main issue: Chris Martin. Now, I like Coldplay. I do not love Coldplay, nor do I love Chris Martin. If anything, he annoys me greatly. But dear God, he was terrible. I was so excited when Gary announced him onto stage and then he proceeded to sing, completely off key and out of tune, one of the greatest songs in the world. Yes, I'm talking about 'Back for Good'. I bet Gwyneth was humiliated. And the thing is, I've seen YouTube videos of them singing it, albeit, with Brandon Flowers and Bono helping, and it was amazing. Maybe it was the pressure of Gary's 40th birthday. And all that Take That fans. That's surely enough to stress any one out, although he deserves no excuses. It was terrible. Thanks for ruining Gary's birthday, Chris. Idiot. Oh, and Jo Whiley butting in every 3 seconds to explain the obvious. That was really annoying. And really really unnecessaary. Thanks, Jo, but I think Gary's got it covered. He always does.
Anyway, Happy Birthday, Gary! Such a great day for the nation. Such a great day for the world. Whilst I declare my adoration for the great man wherever I go without thought or shame, I have never been prouder to be a Gary Barlow die hard.
Wednesday 19 January 2011
Big Fat Gypsy Weddings
After unfortunately missing last night's triumphant return of Big Fat Gypsy Weddings due to a casual two hour power cut, I caught up this morning. Pure class contained within a 45 minute programme. Just excellent. My favourite line from the whole show was when the featured groom, Swanley, asked, "What's a non-racist word for Paki?" Genius.
Of course they go to Liverpool to get their dresses made. I'm sure most of them aren't a far stretch from what the seamstresses are asked to make on a day to day basis for an average Saturday night out. Oh, Liverpool, how I love and miss you so. My personal favourite was not the wedding dress with the transparent corset and flamenco style skirt with the thigh high slit and roses weighing 5 stone. No. My favourite was the pink dress made for the 7 year old girl for her first communion, based upon the classic Eddie Murphy move, 'Coming to America', that weighed twice the poor thing's body weight. Tragic. And all the other girls in their 'normal'/hideous white dresses all laughed at her. Slash, they were probably just jealous. The 7 year old inside of me is jealous. I would have loved to have a dress like that. Thankfully, my mother had taste, boundaries and not nearly enough money to waste on such a monstrosity. It was so tragic to see her try and walk in it. Good exercise though, perhaps I should get an outfit weighing double my body weight and wear it everyday as a workout tool...
What else did I enjoy...? Erm... The fact that girls go and hang out in carparks to get the attention of boys. Having said that, that's probably not that uncommon in everyday culture, I don't think it's just the gypsies. The fact that the groom was late to his wedding because instead of getting a lift with his mates/family, he decided to drive himself in a white Transit van. That was excellent. Luckily for him, the Hummer coming to pick up his bride was running later than he was. Phewww! What a relief.
I'll tell you what I enjoyed the most! The hen night. Oh, wow. Off they went to Lanzarote, the bride and her family of 10 to celebrate her last week as a free woman. This is not what I enjoyed. 'Twas the outfits that I enjoyed. I say outfits, they were more like scraps of material with tassels sown on them in tasteful places. Why do gypsies wear no clothes? I'll have to ask Cher Lloyd if I ever casually bump into her. She'll know. I'm also intrigued as to how they appear to all have so much money. How can they afford to pay for dresses like that and then a full on wedding for all their 55 children? And then they all go to Lanzarote?! I can't afford to go to Lanzarote by myself! Not that I'd want to, it's far too hot for my liking.
Of course they go to Liverpool to get their dresses made. I'm sure most of them aren't a far stretch from what the seamstresses are asked to make on a day to day basis for an average Saturday night out. Oh, Liverpool, how I love and miss you so. My personal favourite was not the wedding dress with the transparent corset and flamenco style skirt with the thigh high slit and roses weighing 5 stone. No. My favourite was the pink dress made for the 7 year old girl for her first communion, based upon the classic Eddie Murphy move, 'Coming to America', that weighed twice the poor thing's body weight. Tragic. And all the other girls in their 'normal'/hideous white dresses all laughed at her. Slash, they were probably just jealous. The 7 year old inside of me is jealous. I would have loved to have a dress like that. Thankfully, my mother had taste, boundaries and not nearly enough money to waste on such a monstrosity. It was so tragic to see her try and walk in it. Good exercise though, perhaps I should get an outfit weighing double my body weight and wear it everyday as a workout tool...
What else did I enjoy...? Erm... The fact that girls go and hang out in carparks to get the attention of boys. Having said that, that's probably not that uncommon in everyday culture, I don't think it's just the gypsies. The fact that the groom was late to his wedding because instead of getting a lift with his mates/family, he decided to drive himself in a white Transit van. That was excellent. Luckily for him, the Hummer coming to pick up his bride was running later than he was. Phewww! What a relief.
I'll tell you what I enjoyed the most! The hen night. Oh, wow. Off they went to Lanzarote, the bride and her family of 10 to celebrate her last week as a free woman. This is not what I enjoyed. 'Twas the outfits that I enjoyed. I say outfits, they were more like scraps of material with tassels sown on them in tasteful places. Why do gypsies wear no clothes? I'll have to ask Cher Lloyd if I ever casually bump into her. She'll know. I'm also intrigued as to how they appear to all have so much money. How can they afford to pay for dresses like that and then a full on wedding for all their 55 children? And then they all go to Lanzarote?! I can't afford to go to Lanzarote by myself! Not that I'd want to, it's far too hot for my liking.
902108726354
Worst show ever. Within the first 3 episodes, we've had an earthquake, a death, a rape, an overdose, intellectual property theft, casual homosexuality, the most offensive English accent ever, the possibility of swingers and the reality of egg donation. Have I missed anything? Probably. It's just awful.
Slash, it started with a time capsule. Something I'm pretty sure happened on One Tree Hill about 25 years ago, and their time capsule episode was so much better. At least it was actually relevant, unlike in tonight's shambolic attempt at television in which Teddy, the 33 year old homosexual, very cleverly used his time to record a message to Silver declaring his love for her and apologising for being an arse. He is after all struggling to come to terms with the fact that he'll never be a professional tennis player. Tragic. I think he might have forgotten he's about 600 years old, but never mind. It was painful.
I also enjoyed Annie's assumption that the woman at the theatre must be a lesbian. Could she love herself any more? She has no reason too either, she's an annoyance to the entire human race. A pest to society if you will. I love that her next rational explanation was that they were swingers. Excellent. Although, in all fairness to her, if I hadn't been told what was going to happen with the whole 'I've hired you so I can buy your eggs' story line, I never would have guessed. Who comes up with these ideas?! They must have had a bug list of possibilities, yet the buying of a teenage girl's eggs was the best. I find that almost impossible to believe. Having said that, they allowed the use of the line "Earthquake is a euphemism for orgasm". They all should have been arrested for complying with it. It's worse than the whole EastEnders scandal if you ask me.
Slash, where is Naveed? I actually like Naveed. He needs to return to control that crazy girlfriend of his. Thieving bitch. I love that it's been found out already. Could she have been any more ingenuous during her interview with Entertainment Tonight? I don't think so. "I really miss Javier," she says, beaming from ear to ear. Of course you don't miss him! His death allowed you to forge a terrible music career and be a YouTube sensation! Who do you think you are, Justin Drew Bieber?! Never.
If one of my teachers invited me round to their house to watch a film they had made, I don't think you could ever have paid me enough to even contemplate it. Silver deserves all the bad things that happen to her because she brings them all on herself with those stupid clothes and even worse decisions. Idiot. Never will I forget the time she filmed her and Dixon having sex in a cupboard and screening it to the world. I'm sorry, I shouldn't insult the mentally ill, she is bipolar remember, although come to think of it, she might have been magically cured by the doctors that work with the magic police that let Annie off with murder. I also love that she decided Naomi was telling the truth just because. "Naomi, I believe you! I know you are telling the truth! Naomi?! Wake up!" Oh wait, she's overdosed on sleeping pills she got given by a girl with a recent nose job in the school bathrooms. I feel like the people who make 90210 have been secretly filming my life and are now just recreating my past events. I've never related to anything more. So realistic. Surely I'm due some sort of credit as the inspiration/muse. I'm going with muse, sounds more artistic.
Anyhow, I'm still intrigued by Liam's brother, if we ever find out what's going on there. I'd also be interested to find out what Naveed appears to find more interesting than turning up to film as he's been in about 3 scenes since the series began. Having said that, I really don't care.
Oh, Ivy wore genuine dungarees. I think that says it all.
Slash, it started with a time capsule. Something I'm pretty sure happened on One Tree Hill about 25 years ago, and their time capsule episode was so much better. At least it was actually relevant, unlike in tonight's shambolic attempt at television in which Teddy, the 33 year old homosexual, very cleverly used his time to record a message to Silver declaring his love for her and apologising for being an arse. He is after all struggling to come to terms with the fact that he'll never be a professional tennis player. Tragic. I think he might have forgotten he's about 600 years old, but never mind. It was painful.
I also enjoyed Annie's assumption that the woman at the theatre must be a lesbian. Could she love herself any more? She has no reason too either, she's an annoyance to the entire human race. A pest to society if you will. I love that her next rational explanation was that they were swingers. Excellent. Although, in all fairness to her, if I hadn't been told what was going to happen with the whole 'I've hired you so I can buy your eggs' story line, I never would have guessed. Who comes up with these ideas?! They must have had a bug list of possibilities, yet the buying of a teenage girl's eggs was the best. I find that almost impossible to believe. Having said that, they allowed the use of the line "Earthquake is a euphemism for orgasm". They all should have been arrested for complying with it. It's worse than the whole EastEnders scandal if you ask me.
Slash, where is Naveed? I actually like Naveed. He needs to return to control that crazy girlfriend of his. Thieving bitch. I love that it's been found out already. Could she have been any more ingenuous during her interview with Entertainment Tonight? I don't think so. "I really miss Javier," she says, beaming from ear to ear. Of course you don't miss him! His death allowed you to forge a terrible music career and be a YouTube sensation! Who do you think you are, Justin Drew Bieber?! Never.
If one of my teachers invited me round to their house to watch a film they had made, I don't think you could ever have paid me enough to even contemplate it. Silver deserves all the bad things that happen to her because she brings them all on herself with those stupid clothes and even worse decisions. Idiot. Never will I forget the time she filmed her and Dixon having sex in a cupboard and screening it to the world. I'm sorry, I shouldn't insult the mentally ill, she is bipolar remember, although come to think of it, she might have been magically cured by the doctors that work with the magic police that let Annie off with murder. I also love that she decided Naomi was telling the truth just because. "Naomi, I believe you! I know you are telling the truth! Naomi?! Wake up!" Oh wait, she's overdosed on sleeping pills she got given by a girl with a recent nose job in the school bathrooms. I feel like the people who make 90210 have been secretly filming my life and are now just recreating my past events. I've never related to anything more. So realistic. Surely I'm due some sort of credit as the inspiration/muse. I'm going with muse, sounds more artistic.
Anyhow, I'm still intrigued by Liam's brother, if we ever find out what's going on there. I'd also be interested to find out what Naveed appears to find more interesting than turning up to film as he's been in about 3 scenes since the series began. Having said that, I really don't care.
Oh, Ivy wore genuine dungarees. I think that says it all.
Monday 17 January 2011
Glee
I genuinely despair at this show, yet it is so painfully addictive that I can't not watch.
Britney episode = genius. Realistically though, that was only because of Britney herself, Brittany and Santana. I hate Mr Schu. I mean, I actually want to throw him to the ground and press my knee into his throat until he suffocates. There is not one thing attractive about that man. Not one measly thing. He thinks he's Justin Timberlake. News flash, you're about 47 years old and JT has ruled pop since the age of about 6. Plus, forgetting the tragic incident in which he was forced to regress into his 15-year-old self for a part in "Best Picture", The Social Network, even JT has realised that hair like that is doing no one any favours. I HATE YOU! I hope his music career dies on its arse. Which it will.
Oh, and Lea Michele... After witnessing the genius that was Brittany nailing 'I'm a Slave 4 U' and making me vow to run for 5 hours a day whilst doing stomach crunches, then watching her nail it again with Santana, 'Baby, One More Time' was just embarrassing. OK, so I enjoyed the Britney miming, clever, but seriously, she needs to learn not to take herself so seriously. You're in Glee, not Schindler's List! (Apologies, but it was the most serious film I could think of off the top of my head). She and Finn make me so angry. How did he get cast. He's genuinely a different form of human compared to everyone else. I'm sure he's probably 6'2" or something, but he looks about 67 foot tall and about 6 foot wide. AND HE CAN'T DANCE! Please stop making the poor boy dance. Slash, he's about 35 as well. Rachel and Finn need some kind of serious character overhaul, because not only are they painful when they're on their own, but together they actually make me want to go outside and hurt children in the street. Just find something small and kick it until it cries. Hideous.
Apart from Brittany and her amazing abs, and Santana being amazing in general and the genius scripting that came out of both their mouths, there is one other thing that rescued this episode...
Two words: John Stamos. I love him. I genuinely adore that man, and what's even better about him is that when he's not casually saving lives of the people of Chicago, or helping to parent the Olsen twins, he's making Will Schuester look like even more of a dick than he usually does. He's so fabulous with his tan and his crisp shirts and that hair. Oh, John Stamos. What an icon.
I would just like to apologise for the poor quality of this post, I am currently watching Tool Academy, quite possibly the most excellent show ever, and getting distracted. My brain is torn between images of John Stamos and the tool that's just announced that he has kids with another woman despite swearing that he didn't to his girlfriend. Brilliant. John Stamos is winning amazingly enough. But I vowed I wouldn't watch this genius tonight due to the ridiculous lack of sleep from last night's poor attempt at an award's ceremony (that's right Golden Globes, I'm still enraged) but it's so humorous.
SLASH! It would appear next week's episode of Glee is about Jesus. Excellent.
Anyhow, I am now eagerly awaiting the torture that is 902106574836 tomorrow night. It's tragic that I've restrained myself from watching it all online so that I'd have something to look forward to during term time. Mr Schu and Annie 'I casually killed a man and no one cares' Wilson. Kill me now. Oh, wait. I've got John Stamos.
Britney episode = genius. Realistically though, that was only because of Britney herself, Brittany and Santana. I hate Mr Schu. I mean, I actually want to throw him to the ground and press my knee into his throat until he suffocates. There is not one thing attractive about that man. Not one measly thing. He thinks he's Justin Timberlake. News flash, you're about 47 years old and JT has ruled pop since the age of about 6. Plus, forgetting the tragic incident in which he was forced to regress into his 15-year-old self for a part in "Best Picture", The Social Network, even JT has realised that hair like that is doing no one any favours. I HATE YOU! I hope his music career dies on its arse. Which it will.
Oh, and Lea Michele... After witnessing the genius that was Brittany nailing 'I'm a Slave 4 U' and making me vow to run for 5 hours a day whilst doing stomach crunches, then watching her nail it again with Santana, 'Baby, One More Time' was just embarrassing. OK, so I enjoyed the Britney miming, clever, but seriously, she needs to learn not to take herself so seriously. You're in Glee, not Schindler's List! (Apologies, but it was the most serious film I could think of off the top of my head). She and Finn make me so angry. How did he get cast. He's genuinely a different form of human compared to everyone else. I'm sure he's probably 6'2" or something, but he looks about 67 foot tall and about 6 foot wide. AND HE CAN'T DANCE! Please stop making the poor boy dance. Slash, he's about 35 as well. Rachel and Finn need some kind of serious character overhaul, because not only are they painful when they're on their own, but together they actually make me want to go outside and hurt children in the street. Just find something small and kick it until it cries. Hideous.
Apart from Brittany and her amazing abs, and Santana being amazing in general and the genius scripting that came out of both their mouths, there is one other thing that rescued this episode...
Two words: John Stamos. I love him. I genuinely adore that man, and what's even better about him is that when he's not casually saving lives of the people of Chicago, or helping to parent the Olsen twins, he's making Will Schuester look like even more of a dick than he usually does. He's so fabulous with his tan and his crisp shirts and that hair. Oh, John Stamos. What an icon.
I would just like to apologise for the poor quality of this post, I am currently watching Tool Academy, quite possibly the most excellent show ever, and getting distracted. My brain is torn between images of John Stamos and the tool that's just announced that he has kids with another woman despite swearing that he didn't to his girlfriend. Brilliant. John Stamos is winning amazingly enough. But I vowed I wouldn't watch this genius tonight due to the ridiculous lack of sleep from last night's poor attempt at an award's ceremony (that's right Golden Globes, I'm still enraged) but it's so humorous.
SLASH! It would appear next week's episode of Glee is about Jesus. Excellent.
Anyhow, I am now eagerly awaiting the torture that is 902106574836 tomorrow night. It's tragic that I've restrained myself from watching it all online so that I'd have something to look forward to during term time. Mr Schu and Annie 'I casually killed a man and no one cares' Wilson. Kill me now. Oh, wait. I've got John Stamos.
Golden Globes 2011
If the Academy thought they had it coming, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association have no idea what's about the hit them...
After numerous occasions on which I have sat myself down, filled with rage, to write a vicious letter of complaint to the Academy in regards to the fact that Leonardo DiCaprio is the greatest living actor of our generation and they need to wake up and recognise it before I fly first class to Los Angeles, smash the place up, and then make them pay my travel expenses, I have never been so close to actually completing one as I was last night.
Here is my issue: The Social Network. I was perfectly OK with the other winners. I guessed Christian Bale would win Best Supporting Actor, I was delighted for Colin Firth, who I adore, even though he's older than my dad and despite the fact that I would have loved Mark Wahlberg to win purely based on his sheer gorgeousness and a long lasting loyalty to my childhood obsession that involved a rather inappropriate Marky Mark lunchbox, because he deserved it! Colin deserved that award. The Social Network was not deserving.
I take that back. The only award they should have won was Best Screenplay, which Aaron Sorkin, hero that he is, did win. Great. I'm so pleased. He nailed his speech and everything. But let's be realistic. Best Director? Best Picture? Are they being serious? Or are they doing it specifically to piss me off? Because it's worked...
Best Director. Erm... I don't know. I've not seen Black Swan yet, but I can tell, even just from the trailer, that it is shot better, that the artistic direction is better. The Fighter, again, not seen it, but it looks edgy and rough and made in a way that supports the film's narrative. The King's Speech! It was an easy option! You could have just handed them the award at the beginning and people would have been pleased. INCEPTION!? HAVE YOU LOST ALL REASONING HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN PRESS ASSOCIATION?! I THINK YOU MUST HAVE! Dear God! Christopher Nolan is a genius anyway, but Inception!? It's lunacy. How anyone could say that the direction of The Social Network is even comparable to that of Inception makes me physically angry. I'm genuinely shaking with rage as I type ferociously. You owe me a new computer, idiots. Realistically, I could have directed that film. Shot of Jesse Eisenberg. Shot of Andrew Garfield. More shots of Andrew Garfield because he is adorable. Another shot of Jesse Eisenberg. Shot of Justin, lead singer of popular boyband 'N Sync. It's not rocket science. It's not like it was a visual masterpiece, or even innovative in any way. 'Oh, Justin. Justin stand here, Jesse, you stand opposite and we'll get a shot of you two talking. Just act natural. Crew, make sure the cameras are on. Aaaaannnnd... ACTION!' Nonsense.
AND BEST PICTURE?! Oh my God, I've never been so close to suicide. How, how, how and why? Honestly. They may as well have given the award to me for all it's worth. I seem to recall loving it, but specifically noting that it was not Oscar worthy/ award worthy and the majority of what I remember appears to either be about how attractive Andrew Garfield is or Justin Timberlake's hair. In fact, in a piece entitled, 'I Didn't Realise Justin Timberlake Had Rejoined 'N Sync' this is what I said:
'Slash, I'm not having all this 'Oscar buzz'. The performances were great, Eisenberg and Garfield were fantastic and played the emotion, or lack there of, involved brilliantly. But truthfully, the only Oscar deserved would be for Aaron Sorkin, who made something with little to no plot so cleverly and subtly hilarious.'
Case closed. I also happened to say:
'I'm sure Sean Parker was that much of a dick, but I'm also pretty sure that Justin actually based his performance on his 15year-old self. Or at least his hair. I didn't know frosted tips were back! And the amount of make-up they put on his face, arghhh! Not cute. He was, unfortunately, the worst thing about the movie. You know what, maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe his performance was just so accurate, I'm assuming he himself... No. I can't even finish that sentence. Listen, JT. FutureSex/LoveSounds came out about 12 years ago and I'm still waiting for the next album. Why don't you 'take a break' from 'acting' and lay down some beats?!'
Must I go on? I think not. I'm mainly enraged because Awards Season is my favourite time of year, and people are insistent upon ruining that. I stayed up until 4am watching it, knowing that I had to be up at 8am to see the worst film nominated in the category to win. The Fighter? The King's Speech? Black Swan? INCEPTION?! I can't even go on talking about it, it's far too distressing. I'm starting to think this is some sort of conspiracy against Leonardo DiCaprio and everything he's in. Bastards. Just, watch out Hollywood Foreign Press Association, you better believe I'm watching you...
If you would like to read what else I said about The Social Network, follow this link:
http://imissbrookside.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-didnt-realise-justin-timberlake-had.html
I would also, before I depart and try to calm myself down, like to take the time to acknowledge a few others that may have been forgotten:
After numerous occasions on which I have sat myself down, filled with rage, to write a vicious letter of complaint to the Academy in regards to the fact that Leonardo DiCaprio is the greatest living actor of our generation and they need to wake up and recognise it before I fly first class to Los Angeles, smash the place up, and then make them pay my travel expenses, I have never been so close to actually completing one as I was last night.
Here is my issue: The Social Network. I was perfectly OK with the other winners. I guessed Christian Bale would win Best Supporting Actor, I was delighted for Colin Firth, who I adore, even though he's older than my dad and despite the fact that I would have loved Mark Wahlberg to win purely based on his sheer gorgeousness and a long lasting loyalty to my childhood obsession that involved a rather inappropriate Marky Mark lunchbox, because he deserved it! Colin deserved that award. The Social Network was not deserving.
I take that back. The only award they should have won was Best Screenplay, which Aaron Sorkin, hero that he is, did win. Great. I'm so pleased. He nailed his speech and everything. But let's be realistic. Best Director? Best Picture? Are they being serious? Or are they doing it specifically to piss me off? Because it's worked...
Best Director. Erm... I don't know. I've not seen Black Swan yet, but I can tell, even just from the trailer, that it is shot better, that the artistic direction is better. The Fighter, again, not seen it, but it looks edgy and rough and made in a way that supports the film's narrative. The King's Speech! It was an easy option! You could have just handed them the award at the beginning and people would have been pleased. INCEPTION!? HAVE YOU LOST ALL REASONING HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN PRESS ASSOCIATION?! I THINK YOU MUST HAVE! Dear God! Christopher Nolan is a genius anyway, but Inception!? It's lunacy. How anyone could say that the direction of The Social Network is even comparable to that of Inception makes me physically angry. I'm genuinely shaking with rage as I type ferociously. You owe me a new computer, idiots. Realistically, I could have directed that film. Shot of Jesse Eisenberg. Shot of Andrew Garfield. More shots of Andrew Garfield because he is adorable. Another shot of Jesse Eisenberg. Shot of Justin, lead singer of popular boyband 'N Sync. It's not rocket science. It's not like it was a visual masterpiece, or even innovative in any way. 'Oh, Justin. Justin stand here, Jesse, you stand opposite and we'll get a shot of you two talking. Just act natural. Crew, make sure the cameras are on. Aaaaannnnd... ACTION!' Nonsense.
AND BEST PICTURE?! Oh my God, I've never been so close to suicide. How, how, how and why? Honestly. They may as well have given the award to me for all it's worth. I seem to recall loving it, but specifically noting that it was not Oscar worthy/ award worthy and the majority of what I remember appears to either be about how attractive Andrew Garfield is or Justin Timberlake's hair. In fact, in a piece entitled, 'I Didn't Realise Justin Timberlake Had Rejoined 'N Sync' this is what I said:
'Slash, I'm not having all this 'Oscar buzz'. The performances were great, Eisenberg and Garfield were fantastic and played the emotion, or lack there of, involved brilliantly. But truthfully, the only Oscar deserved would be for Aaron Sorkin, who made something with little to no plot so cleverly and subtly hilarious.'
Case closed. I also happened to say:
'I'm sure Sean Parker was that much of a dick, but I'm also pretty sure that Justin actually based his performance on his 15year-old self. Or at least his hair. I didn't know frosted tips were back! And the amount of make-up they put on his face, arghhh! Not cute. He was, unfortunately, the worst thing about the movie. You know what, maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe his performance was just so accurate, I'm assuming he himself... No. I can't even finish that sentence. Listen, JT. FutureSex/LoveSounds came out about 12 years ago and I'm still waiting for the next album. Why don't you 'take a break' from 'acting' and lay down some beats?!'
Must I go on? I think not. I'm mainly enraged because Awards Season is my favourite time of year, and people are insistent upon ruining that. I stayed up until 4am watching it, knowing that I had to be up at 8am to see the worst film nominated in the category to win. The Fighter? The King's Speech? Black Swan? INCEPTION?! I can't even go on talking about it, it's far too distressing. I'm starting to think this is some sort of conspiracy against Leonardo DiCaprio and everything he's in. Bastards. Just, watch out Hollywood Foreign Press Association, you better believe I'm watching you...
If you would like to read what else I said about The Social Network, follow this link:
http://imissbrookside.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-didnt-realise-justin-timberlake-had.html
I would also, before I depart and try to calm myself down, like to take the time to acknowledge a few others that may have been forgotten:
- Christian Bale for being a genuine psycho, which I thoroughly enjoy. I so much admire his determination to finish that poor and boring speech even when they started the music and introduced the next presenters.
- Andrew Garfield tripping over his words when reading the autocue made me want to cry, it was so adorable. I felt so sorry for him. Bless...
- However, when Justin Drew Bieber messed up his lines, I sat there thinking, 'God, that poor boy needs a better teacher.' Probably true. But he was fabulous of course, as Bieber always is, in his little (literally) three piece suit and messy hair.
- Matt Damon for looking divine constantly, sat at the front table next to De Niro, hanging out, casually.
- Robert De Niro, for being slightly racist and not as funny as he thought he was but still excellent. I most enjoyed the fact that everyone felt obliged to laugh, as though he was going to set his mob on them.
- Last but not least, Robert Downey Jr, my hero, my icon, Iron Man. So fantastically inappropriate, yet still painfully attractive and hilarious. No other man on earth could get away with saying what he says and maintain his cool. Genius.
I've just remembered that Glee is tonight. Which reminds me that Lea Michele is an idiot, and her fake tears when Chris Colfer won Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series were noted and will be used against her at numerous points throughout her life and also mine.
Wednesday 12 January 2011
The King's Speech
Although I am disturbed by the fact he is older than my dad, I don't think I could love Colin Firth any more. He's brilliant in all sense of the word. So perfectly English and proper, yet so boyish and cheeky and charming and I love him. Excuse me whilst I gush embarrassingly in cliché whilst acting as though I am some sort of reviewing authority.
The King's Speech is excellent. Quite possibly his finest role to date, and I thought A Single Man would be his defining film. I don't know what it is, or why it is happening, but it seems as though the world is just realising how good an actor he is. No longer is he the blithering idiot or the dreamy heart-throb (although I'm never going to turn down an opportunity to see him emerge from a lake). Did I mention I love him?
I think I must have cried all the way through the film. Genuine tears. It was so unsettlingly uplifting I felt that it was all I could do. But here's the thing: he had no friends. I cannot CANNOT physically deal with the thought of people having no friends, it actually breaks my heart. And as if that wasn't enough with his adorable lisp and heartbreaking stammer he goes on to tell of how his nanny didn't feed him because she loved his brother more than him. I genuinely don't understand how I appeared to be the only one sobbing uncontrollably at that concept. I felt destroyed, inconsolable; how could anyone in their right mind do that to Colin Firth?! Yet I left feeling overwhelmingly proud of a King I never even knew existed. (Don't ask me where I thought the Queen appeared from as I would not be able to give you an answer that would avoid me looking like a total moron and then squirming on the floor in shame as people threw dirt on me). I guess that this was the intention of the film though.
Slash, I did become slightly confused as to why Dumbledore was there, but then again, he has always remained a mysterious fellow. Perhaps he was indeed the grandfather of the Queen. Oh my God, Prince Harry is actually Harry Potter! Please excuse me whilst I ring every publication in the land; they're going to want to hear about this...
In all seriousness though, it was amazing. So funny, so tragic, Guy Pearce played the perfect arse as per usual. Colin Firth will most definitely be nominated for another Oscar, and if he's not, you better believe the letter of complaint I'm already writing about Leonardo DiCaprio's snubs is going to get a lot more heated. I would so love him to win! I feel like all of a sudden I've become prim and proper just by spending an hour and a half listening to perfect Queen's English. I shall begin to use words such as 'shan't' and 'alas' in the correct context rather than to express my woes as to the X Factor result. Geoffrey Rush as well. So funny. Another definite Oscar contender. I'm almost positive he'll win. I'm actually struggling to put into words the impact of it as a whole. It's hardly the type of film to mess with your mind and then help you find redemption through the main character or leave you suicidal in confusion. It's a nice film. But I feel it's more than that.
What I loved most about it was that it stripped all pompous and mystique away from the Royal family whilst highlighting their importance in times of despair. As pathetic and cliché as it sounds, it genuinely took you on a journey and left you feeling, well, left me feeling, really proud to be British. I cried because it was happy, I cried because it was sad. I cried because it was about friendship and trust and I cried because Colin Firth is so damn brilliant that he can convey all his emotion just through his eyes! And you don't even realise it! You actually find yourself looking into them as if asking him how to feel. And he's always right.
I don't want to be completely biased because I think technically Geoffrey Rush was better. It wasn't a film about King George, it was about both of them and I now feel as though I could trust Geoffrey (were now on a first name basis) with my life. I want a speech impediment just so he can help me. Helena Bonham Carter was disappointingly forgettable, but I feel like she was meant to be. She was more there there to nudge the story along rather than take centre stage and it made it feel all the more real. The last thing the film needed was to suddenly become a biopic of his whole life. I would have stormed off in anger. It was just right.
I was told I would love it, and I did. And not just because I fancy Colin Firth, even though he's older than my dad.
The King's Speech is excellent. Quite possibly his finest role to date, and I thought A Single Man would be his defining film. I don't know what it is, or why it is happening, but it seems as though the world is just realising how good an actor he is. No longer is he the blithering idiot or the dreamy heart-throb (although I'm never going to turn down an opportunity to see him emerge from a lake). Did I mention I love him?
I think I must have cried all the way through the film. Genuine tears. It was so unsettlingly uplifting I felt that it was all I could do. But here's the thing: he had no friends. I cannot CANNOT physically deal with the thought of people having no friends, it actually breaks my heart. And as if that wasn't enough with his adorable lisp and heartbreaking stammer he goes on to tell of how his nanny didn't feed him because she loved his brother more than him. I genuinely don't understand how I appeared to be the only one sobbing uncontrollably at that concept. I felt destroyed, inconsolable; how could anyone in their right mind do that to Colin Firth?! Yet I left feeling overwhelmingly proud of a King I never even knew existed. (Don't ask me where I thought the Queen appeared from as I would not be able to give you an answer that would avoid me looking like a total moron and then squirming on the floor in shame as people threw dirt on me). I guess that this was the intention of the film though.
Slash, I did become slightly confused as to why Dumbledore was there, but then again, he has always remained a mysterious fellow. Perhaps he was indeed the grandfather of the Queen. Oh my God, Prince Harry is actually Harry Potter! Please excuse me whilst I ring every publication in the land; they're going to want to hear about this...
In all seriousness though, it was amazing. So funny, so tragic, Guy Pearce played the perfect arse as per usual. Colin Firth will most definitely be nominated for another Oscar, and if he's not, you better believe the letter of complaint I'm already writing about Leonardo DiCaprio's snubs is going to get a lot more heated. I would so love him to win! I feel like all of a sudden I've become prim and proper just by spending an hour and a half listening to perfect Queen's English. I shall begin to use words such as 'shan't' and 'alas' in the correct context rather than to express my woes as to the X Factor result. Geoffrey Rush as well. So funny. Another definite Oscar contender. I'm almost positive he'll win. I'm actually struggling to put into words the impact of it as a whole. It's hardly the type of film to mess with your mind and then help you find redemption through the main character or leave you suicidal in confusion. It's a nice film. But I feel it's more than that.
What I loved most about it was that it stripped all pompous and mystique away from the Royal family whilst highlighting their importance in times of despair. As pathetic and cliché as it sounds, it genuinely took you on a journey and left you feeling, well, left me feeling, really proud to be British. I cried because it was happy, I cried because it was sad. I cried because it was about friendship and trust and I cried because Colin Firth is so damn brilliant that he can convey all his emotion just through his eyes! And you don't even realise it! You actually find yourself looking into them as if asking him how to feel. And he's always right.
I don't want to be completely biased because I think technically Geoffrey Rush was better. It wasn't a film about King George, it was about both of them and I now feel as though I could trust Geoffrey (were now on a first name basis) with my life. I want a speech impediment just so he can help me. Helena Bonham Carter was disappointingly forgettable, but I feel like she was meant to be. She was more there there to nudge the story along rather than take centre stage and it made it feel all the more real. The last thing the film needed was to suddenly become a biopic of his whole life. I would have stormed off in anger. It was just right.
I was told I would love it, and I did. And not just because I fancy Colin Firth, even though he's older than my dad.
Whilst I'm here...
Can we please discuss 90210?
I genuinely couldn't think it could get any worse, but I am now developing some sort of addiction I'm currently attributing to the fact that there is no One Tree Hill on at the moment and they have slipped some subliminal messaging into their title sequence.
This week was painfully uninteresting. I genuinely don't think anything happened. Except of course for Silver throwing a fit over the fact that Teddy had a drink and convincing herself he's an alcoholic. But I'm personally putting this down to the fact that she's bipolar. I think we all remember when she lost her mind, filmed her and Dixon having sex in a store room and then screened it as a film and then was diagnosed as bipolar instead of being locked in an asylum where she belongs. I'm disliking how she is almost central to all story lines at the moment. Why does she have to be involved in everything? And she seems to have stolen an old lady's wardrobe and wig. Not a great look for someone who is trying to play 17.
Last week however was excellent. Of course we had the earthquake. Classic. The introduction of Oscar, the world's worst fake English person ever. We had Annie casually strolling into school after being on house arrest after killing a man in a hit and run accident and lying about it for a year, and Adrianna stealing the personal belongings of the dead. Nice.
Oscar is going to be an issue for me. I could have dealt with the awful accent, although it causes me great offence. However, his scripting has resulted in physical symptoms. I must be allergic, it's definitely the beginnings of anaphylactic shock. I think we all know the scene I'm talking about. Ivy's casual afternoon sex dream in which she is kissing Oscar on her bed and he ever so romantically whispers, sorry, stage whispers, 'I'm so happy to have shared my first earthquake with you. Earthquake being a euphemism for orgasm.' WHAT?! WHAT?! Words fail me. I can't even think about that scene without throwing my limbs around in sheer disgust. There are so many issues with that line I don't even know where to begin. 1) How, in anyone's mind, is that sexy? 2) What kind of deranged human being would ever say that? 3) Who was allowed to write that into the script?
I think point 3 is the most interesting of all. Let's investigate shall we... Jennie Snyder. I would have bet a gazillion of our great English pounds that it would have been a man. But alas. What's worse is that she wrote Gilmore Girls. She has forever ruined that show for me. You bitch, Jennie Snyder. I can't even think about it any more, I'll genuinely be forced to throw myself out my window. It's literally traumatising. She actually wrote that, gave it to the producers, they read it, and genuinely went, 'Wow, that's genius. Gold, right there! We're definitely going to win an Emmy this year! Jennie, you're so talented.'
I am much looking forward to finding out about Liam and his brother. I hope they realise they are not the same colour, otherwise that is the worst casting I have ever seen. I'm sure this will be explained, along with why Liam hates him. I'm pretty sure they'd run out of ideas for Liam short of taking his shirt off, and at the last minute grabbed a poor unwitting man off the street and thrust him into one of the most arguably pointless story lines of all time. Having said that, I don't know what happens. I'm just assuming it's boring, like the rest of the show. At least Liam is vaguely entertaining, his entertainment coming in the form of his face, but it physically repels me to see him with Annie. I can't stand her stupid whiny idiotic nonsense. She should be in jail for God's sake! She is a murderer! Why does no one remember that!?
Give me Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott any day of the week.
I genuinely couldn't think it could get any worse, but I am now developing some sort of addiction I'm currently attributing to the fact that there is no One Tree Hill on at the moment and they have slipped some subliminal messaging into their title sequence.
This week was painfully uninteresting. I genuinely don't think anything happened. Except of course for Silver throwing a fit over the fact that Teddy had a drink and convincing herself he's an alcoholic. But I'm personally putting this down to the fact that she's bipolar. I think we all remember when she lost her mind, filmed her and Dixon having sex in a store room and then screened it as a film and then was diagnosed as bipolar instead of being locked in an asylum where she belongs. I'm disliking how she is almost central to all story lines at the moment. Why does she have to be involved in everything? And she seems to have stolen an old lady's wardrobe and wig. Not a great look for someone who is trying to play 17.
Last week however was excellent. Of course we had the earthquake. Classic. The introduction of Oscar, the world's worst fake English person ever. We had Annie casually strolling into school after being on house arrest after killing a man in a hit and run accident and lying about it for a year, and Adrianna stealing the personal belongings of the dead. Nice.
Oscar is going to be an issue for me. I could have dealt with the awful accent, although it causes me great offence. However, his scripting has resulted in physical symptoms. I must be allergic, it's definitely the beginnings of anaphylactic shock. I think we all know the scene I'm talking about. Ivy's casual afternoon sex dream in which she is kissing Oscar on her bed and he ever so romantically whispers, sorry, stage whispers, 'I'm so happy to have shared my first earthquake with you. Earthquake being a euphemism for orgasm.' WHAT?! WHAT?! Words fail me. I can't even think about that scene without throwing my limbs around in sheer disgust. There are so many issues with that line I don't even know where to begin. 1) How, in anyone's mind, is that sexy? 2) What kind of deranged human being would ever say that? 3) Who was allowed to write that into the script?
I think point 3 is the most interesting of all. Let's investigate shall we... Jennie Snyder. I would have bet a gazillion of our great English pounds that it would have been a man. But alas. What's worse is that she wrote Gilmore Girls. She has forever ruined that show for me. You bitch, Jennie Snyder. I can't even think about it any more, I'll genuinely be forced to throw myself out my window. It's literally traumatising. She actually wrote that, gave it to the producers, they read it, and genuinely went, 'Wow, that's genius. Gold, right there! We're definitely going to win an Emmy this year! Jennie, you're so talented.'
I am much looking forward to finding out about Liam and his brother. I hope they realise they are not the same colour, otherwise that is the worst casting I have ever seen. I'm sure this will be explained, along with why Liam hates him. I'm pretty sure they'd run out of ideas for Liam short of taking his shirt off, and at the last minute grabbed a poor unwitting man off the street and thrust him into one of the most arguably pointless story lines of all time. Having said that, I don't know what happens. I'm just assuming it's boring, like the rest of the show. At least Liam is vaguely entertaining, his entertainment coming in the form of his face, but it physically repels me to see him with Annie. I can't stand her stupid whiny idiotic nonsense. She should be in jail for God's sake! She is a murderer! Why does no one remember that!?
Give me Hayley 'I'm so famous' Scott any day of the week.
Jason McCann
After vowing to all my Gods over the festive period that my New Year's resolution was to stop blogging about Justin Bieber, things have taken a slight turn for the worse...
Hello, welcome to a not so Bieber free 2011, although, with any luck, he'll just plague January with his Oscar worthy acting skills and a face that appears to be made of rubber, much like something one might see on a Baby Born doll. Only this month shall I talk about Bieber, and this month only. Until his new film comes out in April...
Anyhow. He was in CSI. I have known about this special guest star appearance for many months as we, being England, are painfully far behind the US for reasons I still don't understand. Obviously there was much hype over his appearance due to the fact that not only do pre-pubescent girls love Justin Bieber, they clearly also love CSI. How I have not blogged about this I don't know. I probably already have and have just lost my mind. In fact I'm sure I have. But here is the deal: once upon a time, I memorised the description of JB's character from something I read. It must have been on the internet as I'm pretty sure it wasn't in Harry Potter.
'Justin Bieber plays Jason McCann, a troubled teen with a difficult decision to make regarding his only brother.'
It did exactly what it said on the tin. Justin Bieber did play Jason McCann, a clearly very troubled teen who hung around with crazy old people in some Las Vegas dungeon or community centre or something who hated the authorities, and then had the most difficult of decisions in whether or not to tell the police, who had been nice enough to give him a Coke, where his brother was. I might mention at this point that his brother made bombs. They weren't just looking for him for fun. Hold on. Justin Bieber does not make difficult decisions. Being an under educated youth with a ludicrous amount of money that far outweighs his talent means that he has people to make difficult decisions for him. This contradiction of ideas is challenging me. I'm so confused. I don't even know who I am any more... NO! WAIT! He's acting! Of course. Sorry. Do you know what? I wouldn't be surprised if this role follows him for the rest of his life. It'll be like the cast of Friends or Sonia from EastEnders. He'll forever be known as Jason McCann, a troubled teen with a difficult decision to make regarding his only brother. Poor kid. Only just starting out and already typecast. Shame he's got nothing else to lean back on...
And get this! Many months ago, following the American broadcast of this televisual delight, Bieber himself tweeted that he would be returning in February to continue in his role as Jason McCann, a troubled teen with a difficult decision to make regarding his only brother. Although, I think they might have to come up with a new description as I'm pretty sure the blonde police woman, who is trying to convince herself that she is not ginger and still 25, shot him dead in a car park. Bieber was then shown in a red jumpsuit. Excellent choice, red really pops against his skin tone. I think he was meant to be smirking or hinting with his face that he was up to no good or knew furher information that would be helpful to the police, but instead gave his classic 'that's right, I may be a child but aren't I sexy' look which I'm sure made all the girls swoon. Except me. I almost vomited.
"Ralph was a good man, he was like a father to me and my brother." Clap, clap, clap. Oh, Bieber, such a good little actor. Little being the operative word. And his poor little voice. All scratchy and hilariously deep for the body it is coming out of. I think he's trying to go for husky. Someone must have told him that girls like husky. Sadly, it just sounds as though he's been recently strangled and is still trying to regain control over his vocal chords.
My favourite thing about Justin Bieber's acting is his ability to convey so many emotions without actually moving his face. Happy, sad, angry, confused. Imagine all those emotions portrayed on an expressionless face. A face that, through thick and thin, remained in pose as if the person it belonged to was slightly concussed and clueless of everything happening around them whilst showing no signs of injury. I SMELL EMMY PEOPLE! And the worst thing was, Bieber wasn't even the most appalling thing about this episode. That guy, I want to call him Nick, but I'm pretty sure I'm making that up because I really don't care enough to find out, was just terrible. 'Here Jason McCann, have a soda. We want to know where your brother is. Do you love your brother? Tell us where he is.' So well done, Bieber! You were great! (Considering...)
Whilst interviewing Jason McCann, Nick attempted a very interesting approach:
Bieber/Jason McCann: "Why aren't you wearing a vest? Where's your gun? I thought all cops had those."
Nick: "Well, I'm not wearing a vest because I'm not out on the field, we're not allowed guns in here and I'm not actually a cop, but I have an ID badge."
WHAT?! You're meant to be interrogating that little gnome to find out why his brother insists on blowing people up not having a nice chat. Except it's clearly not going to be his brother at all. It'll be him. You can't have Justin Bieber guest star and for him to play the brother of the mastermind. It took me about 25 minutes to realise that they were talking about a bullet proof vest (Jason McCann is clearly troubled in his schooling as well as his emotions) not just a vest for warmth or some sort of really attractive tank top. And if this Nick fellow isn't a 'cop' why in the name of all that's holy is he interviewing Jason FREAKIN McCann!? LUNACY! God, the police force have gone right down the nick... I'm not totally sure I like the idea of Bieber playing a delinquent. He's far too straight edge. He's far too clean and preened and nice. Although, he is the Original Man of Mayhem. But surely this is going to convince teens the world over to go out and bomb things. If Justin Bieber can do it, so can I. In fact, screw the stupid teens, I'm more worried for his impeccable reputation. Have I ever mentioned my theory that Justin Bieber is the modern day Christ...?
Whilst having slightly criticised this genius in collaborative, cross-medium art work, I might have actually run home to witness it. Realistically, I could have just watched it online as soon as it came out. But where's the fun in that?! Sprinting across London screaming Bieber's name is so becoming of me. Bieber's face on my TV screen is all that is needed for me to feel content. And slightly sick. But mainly content. I am not disappointed. Although I feel as though I don't care about any of the other characters and their obviously on-going story lines from previous episodes. If you're going to have Justin Bieber in something he clearly doesn't need to be in, use him. Milk his success for all it is worth. When I am in his entourage, that is exactly what I intend to do.
Hello, welcome to a not so Bieber free 2011, although, with any luck, he'll just plague January with his Oscar worthy acting skills and a face that appears to be made of rubber, much like something one might see on a Baby Born doll. Only this month shall I talk about Bieber, and this month only. Until his new film comes out in April...
Anyhow. He was in CSI. I have known about this special guest star appearance for many months as we, being England, are painfully far behind the US for reasons I still don't understand. Obviously there was much hype over his appearance due to the fact that not only do pre-pubescent girls love Justin Bieber, they clearly also love CSI. How I have not blogged about this I don't know. I probably already have and have just lost my mind. In fact I'm sure I have. But here is the deal: once upon a time, I memorised the description of JB's character from something I read. It must have been on the internet as I'm pretty sure it wasn't in Harry Potter.
'Justin Bieber plays Jason McCann, a troubled teen with a difficult decision to make regarding his only brother.'
It did exactly what it said on the tin. Justin Bieber did play Jason McCann, a clearly very troubled teen who hung around with crazy old people in some Las Vegas dungeon or community centre or something who hated the authorities, and then had the most difficult of decisions in whether or not to tell the police, who had been nice enough to give him a Coke, where his brother was. I might mention at this point that his brother made bombs. They weren't just looking for him for fun. Hold on. Justin Bieber does not make difficult decisions. Being an under educated youth with a ludicrous amount of money that far outweighs his talent means that he has people to make difficult decisions for him. This contradiction of ideas is challenging me. I'm so confused. I don't even know who I am any more... NO! WAIT! He's acting! Of course. Sorry. Do you know what? I wouldn't be surprised if this role follows him for the rest of his life. It'll be like the cast of Friends or Sonia from EastEnders. He'll forever be known as Jason McCann, a troubled teen with a difficult decision to make regarding his only brother. Poor kid. Only just starting out and already typecast. Shame he's got nothing else to lean back on...
And get this! Many months ago, following the American broadcast of this televisual delight, Bieber himself tweeted that he would be returning in February to continue in his role as Jason McCann, a troubled teen with a difficult decision to make regarding his only brother. Although, I think they might have to come up with a new description as I'm pretty sure the blonde police woman, who is trying to convince herself that she is not ginger and still 25, shot him dead in a car park. Bieber was then shown in a red jumpsuit. Excellent choice, red really pops against his skin tone. I think he was meant to be smirking or hinting with his face that he was up to no good or knew furher information that would be helpful to the police, but instead gave his classic 'that's right, I may be a child but aren't I sexy' look which I'm sure made all the girls swoon. Except me. I almost vomited.
"Ralph was a good man, he was like a father to me and my brother." Clap, clap, clap. Oh, Bieber, such a good little actor. Little being the operative word. And his poor little voice. All scratchy and hilariously deep for the body it is coming out of. I think he's trying to go for husky. Someone must have told him that girls like husky. Sadly, it just sounds as though he's been recently strangled and is still trying to regain control over his vocal chords.
My favourite thing about Justin Bieber's acting is his ability to convey so many emotions without actually moving his face. Happy, sad, angry, confused. Imagine all those emotions portrayed on an expressionless face. A face that, through thick and thin, remained in pose as if the person it belonged to was slightly concussed and clueless of everything happening around them whilst showing no signs of injury. I SMELL EMMY PEOPLE! And the worst thing was, Bieber wasn't even the most appalling thing about this episode. That guy, I want to call him Nick, but I'm pretty sure I'm making that up because I really don't care enough to find out, was just terrible. 'Here Jason McCann, have a soda. We want to know where your brother is. Do you love your brother? Tell us where he is.' So well done, Bieber! You were great! (Considering...)
Whilst interviewing Jason McCann, Nick attempted a very interesting approach:
Bieber/Jason McCann: "Why aren't you wearing a vest? Where's your gun? I thought all cops had those."
Nick: "Well, I'm not wearing a vest because I'm not out on the field, we're not allowed guns in here and I'm not actually a cop, but I have an ID badge."
WHAT?! You're meant to be interrogating that little gnome to find out why his brother insists on blowing people up not having a nice chat. Except it's clearly not going to be his brother at all. It'll be him. You can't have Justin Bieber guest star and for him to play the brother of the mastermind. It took me about 25 minutes to realise that they were talking about a bullet proof vest (Jason McCann is clearly troubled in his schooling as well as his emotions) not just a vest for warmth or some sort of really attractive tank top. And if this Nick fellow isn't a 'cop' why in the name of all that's holy is he interviewing Jason FREAKIN McCann!? LUNACY! God, the police force have gone right down the nick... I'm not totally sure I like the idea of Bieber playing a delinquent. He's far too straight edge. He's far too clean and preened and nice. Although, he is the Original Man of Mayhem. But surely this is going to convince teens the world over to go out and bomb things. If Justin Bieber can do it, so can I. In fact, screw the stupid teens, I'm more worried for his impeccable reputation. Have I ever mentioned my theory that Justin Bieber is the modern day Christ...?
Whilst having slightly criticised this genius in collaborative, cross-medium art work, I might have actually run home to witness it. Realistically, I could have just watched it online as soon as it came out. But where's the fun in that?! Sprinting across London screaming Bieber's name is so becoming of me. Bieber's face on my TV screen is all that is needed for me to feel content. And slightly sick. But mainly content. I am not disappointed. Although I feel as though I don't care about any of the other characters and their obviously on-going story lines from previous episodes. If you're going to have Justin Bieber in something he clearly doesn't need to be in, use him. Milk his success for all it is worth. When I am in his entourage, that is exactly what I intend to do.
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